Hello, Goodbye
by FallingInLoveInDecember
Summary: A victim of youth and adult situations. Tragedy that refused to heal struck and Bella ran from Edward and their upcoming marriage. Five years later she returns when Carlisle Cullen leaves her a portion of his ranch in his will only to be confronted with all the ghosts she left behind- including an angry, cold, and unforgiving Edward.
1. Digging up Bones

**A HUGE thank you to SunflowerFran who made this readable for all of you! Any and all mistakes are mine.**

* * *

As soon as she passed the sign welcoming her to town, every person behind the trail of dust her truck left in its wake would be gossiping, just like the telephone game you played as a child. She knew her appearance would cause a stir after the way she left.

Straitening her spine, she reminded herself that she was above the town's petty judgment. The looks from the old biddies at church wouldn't affect her, and the stares, and hushed whispers from prior classmates would bounce off her shoulders. She let out a sigh; who was she trying to fool?

The town itself was small, passing through it in a total of ten minutes, anyone who was on the sidewalk stopping to stare. The buildings were still old and in dire need of paint. The one diner and barber shop still going strong, the library and school beside one another with the police station across the street. And, of course, she got caught by the one stop light in town, stuck on red with no oncoming traffic. A sleek black car came from her left, screeching to a halt in the middle of the road, the man staring at her in wide-eyed amazement, before he sharply turned right and peeled out on the dirt road.

"Shit." She muttered to herself.

The light turned green, and she followed the car's path at a slower pace. The bravery she had conjured up by showing up unannounced slowly seeped from her body, leaving her anxious about what awaited her. She was unprepared. As long as he was the one ambushed she could hold her own.

"Suck it up Swan, those brothers are already jabbin' their jaws with the rest of the town."

Fifteen minutes of rolling hills later, the air filled her truck with the smell of blue grass and dried hay, the dust of the road tickling her nose.

All the small things she had forgotten about.

Like how rolling around in said grass was much more enjoyable than the sharp sticks of hay in your backside.

She passed the pond that had high rocks surrounding it giving a natural barrier from prying eyes, a shirt thrown over one was enough to let others know it was occupied.

The rocks and sun always kept the water warm enough to skinny dip no matter how late, or early for that matter, it was.

It also meant she had about five more minutes till she faced what had kept her away for the past five years. She had planned on going straight to her new home but now had to make a pit stop, one that she would hopefully leave from unscathed.

The iron gates welcoming her to Meadow Ranch were open and deceivingly welcoming. The tiger lilies she planted years ago still blooming. She drove up the dirt drive, barely breathing as the house came into view. It was badly in need of new white paint, the yard mostly dirt and overgrown weeds, no longer lush the way she remembered. What was the same was the porch swing that swayed slightly. The person occupying it was not. When she left, he had been a boy, and there was nothing boyish about him now.

"You gunna get outta that truck Girl or do I gotta drag you out?"

"Ever hear of opening the door for a lady?" I smiled widely, opening the door and hopping out.

"We used to skinny dip when we were five, you ain't no lady." He winked, walking over and wrapping me in his warm arms.

"It's so good to see you, Jasper," I said quietly, closing my eyes and breathing in the unique scent of the man who held me in his arms.

"You, too, Bella, so good." He returned. " _He_ may have a difference of opinion." He whispered, letting me go and making a grimacing face before turning back around to face his brother.

"Look who's here! Ain't that something?"

"Yee Haw! Look at that filly!"

"What happened the last time you referred to me as a barn animal, James McGallen?" I demanded, turning around with my hands on my hips and a playful scowl on my face.

"You keep those claws to yourself woman, it took weeks for my nose to heal last time!" He grabbed me and twirled me till I screeched for him to stop, unable to stop giggling.

"You know I hate being called James!"

"Put me down, Jimmy!"

"Is there a reason you're on my property?" A cold, unrecognizable voice asked.

"I saw Jasper driving this way, so I followed after him. I need my keys." I took a deep breath before answering, still unable to look at him. James had his hands shoved in his pockets kicking at the dirt beneath his boots before hightailing it back to the barn, and Jasper was shaking his head.

"Well then, get your keys and get on with you, you're trespassing."

"Technically she's not. Daddy gave her a third of the ranch."

"I don't give a shit was the will states. Her third doesn't have anything to do with my ranch! The majority of the property is mine, and she best stay off it."

"Only because I sold you my third!"

"No one twisted your damn arm. Give her the keys, Jasper."

"Mama B?" The little voice asked from the open window of the backseat.

"Right here, Buddy." I turned to give him a smile. "We're almost done."

There was a thud and I turned to find Edward on his feet, his eyes dark and dangerous looking.

"Give her the fucking keys." He pointed at his brother before pointing to me. "And you, get the hell off my land." He spit out a wad of tobacco over the porch railing before entering the house, letting the screen door slam behind him.

"Just give him some time, maybe stay away till he gets use to the idea of you being back." Jasper spoke with an apologetic tone, holding out a set of keys.

"I don't think there will ever be enough time for him to forgive me."

"You were kids, once his wounded pride heals, he'll get over it."

"I wouldn't hold your breath."

"Well, you know where to find me and Alice works at the school."

"What about Emmett and Rose, they still around?"

"Rose is still waitressing at the dinner, just like in high school." Jasper smiled with a slight head shake. "Emmett's the sheriff nowadays. They have three boys, built just like him, too."

"Wow, three boys." I smiled softly, pushing back the dull ache in my chest.

"Looks like you got yourself one too?" He asked with raised brows and a nod to my truck and the little boy who was watching us with wide, curious eyes.

"I gots ta pee!" He exclaimed as if sensing we were talking about him.

"That's my que and a story for another day. Thanks for everything Jazz."

He gave me a kiss on the cheek and started walking to his car with a wave.

The cabin had been cleaned up, the weeds pulled, and the expansive lawn recently mowed. I was guessing that was Jasper's doing.

"Come on JJ, let's explore our new home." I tried to sound encouraging as I lifted him out of his car seat, doing my best to push Edward's harsh words out of my mind.

It was hard to do when the cabin held just as many memories as the house did. It had been our hideaway; playing house on the weekends till it was officially our home for two weeks beforeit allhappened and our lives drastically changed. His father had gifted it to us and apparently wanted me to have it in the event of his death, at least that's all the will had said. I was now one-third owner of the Meadow Ranch, which included the cabin and two acres of land that wasn't used for ranch profits.

Jasper may have had it cleaned, but it was all still the same. So much so that I almost had to run back outside from the way my chest constricted. The same, small round table with four, miss-matched chairs. The olive-green couch no one had liked but didn't have the heart to tell Papa C. The coffee table still held the scuff marks caused by Edward's boots when he used to carelessly throw his feet up on it. Then the picture. This time a gift from Rose. A blown-up photo of Edward and me, the last one taken. We were sitting in the field just outside the door, the tall grass hiding all but our faces, his forehead pressed to my temple with a smile as big as Texas while my eyes were scrunched and my mouth smiling wide and open in mid-laughter.

No one could have known what was to come.

In a few short weeks, the happy, carefree people in the photo disappeared forever.

* * *

 **Again, no time frame. Updates will happen when I have a chapter written. It could be a week or a month. Leukemia, my husband being deployed, two doctor appointments a week, and two out of three children in tutoring take up much of my time. In March I will be helping with a Mobward contest. Please feel free to enter your own stories, don't be fearful to try! It's going to be tons of fun!**

 **Fanfiction . net ~welovemobwardcontest**

 **You can also find it on facebook: We love Mobward contest.**

 **Come say hello, write, or simply read.**


	2. Break Down Here

Thank you so much Fran for your help. All mistakes are mine.

We didn't have much, most of what we had fit in the back of the truck and the rest wasn't important enough to bring. I knew both bedrooms had furniture, so I didn't bother bringing any of ours. The only household goods I decided to take were pots and pans, a few quilts, and a treasure chest Jacob had made and filled for JJ when he was old enough to understand. Right now, I was his Mama B, and that was good enough for him. It was good enough for the both of us, more than I could have ever hoped for.

 _The rain was pouring down, and my breath was coming out in puffs. I cursed my old car for the hundredth time, kicking the tire for good measure though now my toe throbbed. Behind me, headlights approached, and I could only hope that someone would stop this time._

" _Hey! Over here! Hey!" I screamed as loud as I could, waving my arms in the air and jumping up and down._

 _The red truck slowed and pulled to the side of the road behind my piece of crap car. The window rolled down about three inches, and a little heat escaped, hitting me in the face and making me shiver even more._

" _Car trouble?" A deep voice asked from the darkened cab._

" _Obviously." I rolled my eyes. "Look, could you just call a tow truck for me?"_

" _They aren't working today."_

" _What do you mean they aren't working today?"_

 _I heard the click of the locks before he spoke again._

" _Get in."_

 _I paused long enough to realize how cold I really was and ran back to the car for my bag. When I returned, I hopped into the truck; the door now open and beckoning._

 _I sighed when warmth enveloped me._

" _You're not some serial killer, are you?" I asked, giving the man a sideways glance. It was too dark to see much, but from the light of the dashboard, I could see he was younger than I originally thought._

" _Nope. You?"_

" _Not cut out for it, blood makes me queasy."_

 _I studied him. Realizing he was wearing a suit and tie. I peeked in the back of the truck and saw one seat covered in casserole dishes and Saran-wrapped items, the other held a car seat._

" _You got a baby?" I choked out, my heart constricting in pain._

" _That a problem?" He asked without emotion._

" _Look, can you pull over and let me out? Just call the tow truck for me whenever they open, I'll sleep in the car."_

" _A two-week-old baby is enough to scare you that bad?" He asked evenly._

 _I looked out the window blinking back tears._

" _I own the only towing truck in miles, and as I said, we're closed. It's late; I'll call someone first thing in the morning to go get it."_

" _Where are you taking me?"_

" _Where do you wanna go?"_

" _That's a good question." I hummed._

" _You running from something?"_

" _Life." I frowned, hoping he didn't see my reddening eyes._

" _No use running when it always catches up with you."_

"You were right Jake, it always catches up with you." I sighed, holding a picture of the three of us before placing it on the mantle, right under the picture of Edward and me. I didn't have it in me to take that one down just yet.

"Mama B! A tire swing!" JJ jumped up and down excitedly.

"No way," I muttered, walking to the window.

There it was, still hanging from the same branch it always had for as far back as I could remember.

"I used to play on that as a little girl."

"You did? Can I go play on it?"

"Let's go check it out; I'm not sure how old the ropes are."

I opened the door, and he pushed me aside, racing for the tree.

"Don't you climb in that thing till I say!" I called after him.

He didn't, but gingerly pushed it with his hands, watching with fascination as it twirled a bit. I tugged on the rope, not pleased with how they looked wrapped around the tree branch.

"This needs some updating. "

"Aw, man!"

"Don't worry. We'll go to the hardware store and buy new rope when we go into town, okay?"

"Yes, Ma'am." He pouted a bit, staring at the cracked rubber longingly.

I gave it another glance before looking beyond it toward the tree itself. The bald patch where the bark had been peeled off was still there. I gulped harshly before walking toward it, scared of what I would find. Would he have scratched my name out entirely ... the whole thing destroyed because of my careless, emotional, reactions? I reached out and traced every line.

 _Edward Loves Bella_

He hadn't destroyed it.

Just then, with my hand still placed on the tree, JJ and I both turned to look when a loud truck slowly drove by. Edward had his window open, elbow resting on the sill. He gave me a cold look before curiously looking at JJ who was still holding onto the tire. He faced forward again, picked up speed, and was soon out of sight.

"Why was that truck so loud, Mama B?"

"It's a diesel baby, different motor than our truck."

"This was Daddy's truck."

"That's right, and he loved it."

"So we won't ever get rid of it."

"Never."

"Even if the seats are cracked."

I laughed and tickled his stomach, his squeals of laughter filling my heart with joy. I could get through this, I wasn't alone.

I had JJ.

"You hungry?"

He nodded with round eyes.

"There's no food here, and it will be too late to cook if we go grocery shopping tonight, how about we eat out?"

"Yeah!" He jumped around again, little fists pumping the air.

We never indulged in eating out, or ordering takeout, JJ always thought of it as a special treat whenever we did.

"Can I choose where we go?" He asked as I buckled him back into his seat.

"Sorry buddy, there's only one place to eat in this town." He scrunched his face and looked at me with disbelief in his eyes.

I smiled and shook my head, getting into the truck and driving back toward town. When we finally pulled into the diner's parking lot, JJ was frowning and looking a bit sleepy.

"It sure takes a long time to find any stores here." He grumbled.

"I know Buddy, but after we do our shopping tomorrow, we won't have to come back for a while. No more long rides."

I got him out of the truck, and some of his energy returned when he saw the bright lights and room full of people eating their dinner.

"Welcome to Stoney Creek, how many?"

"Just us two."

We were seated in a middle booth beside a window, something JJ kept pressing his face against instead of focusing on what he wanted to eat. I let him be, knowing what he liked anyway. I was deciding on the jalapeño burger or All-American classic when JJ let out a scream so loud the entire room fell silent.

"JJ!" I exclaimed, looking around for the danger.

That's when I glanced out and let out a scream of my own after seeing a face squished against the glass from the other side. The man stepped back and threw his head back in laughter. I'd know those dimples and laugh anywhere.

"Emmett McCarty!" I yelled when he came into the diner and started walking toward us.

"Welcome home Bells!" His voice loud, just as it had been in high school. "Didn't mean to scare you, sport, what's your name?"

"I'm not supposed to talk to strangers." JJ glared, obviously still upset over being scared.

"Smart man. But guess what, I'm the sheriff, so I'm the guy you come to if you're ever in trouble, okay?"

JJ reached out and carefully fingered the badge on Emmett's uniform.

"You here for good?" Emmett turned his sparkling blue eyes in my direction.

Time had done him well. He was more handsome than he had been five years ago.

"Yeah, it's time." I sighed.

"This can't be your boy, he's what, five?"

"You're smarter than I ever gave you credit for, _Sheriff._ "

"Don't make me frisk you." He winked.

"It's a long story. Maybe you and Rose could come by for dinner one night? Hash it all out, she's gotta be pretty angry with me." I winced.

"Pissed, Darlin'."

"Don't you be talking about me behind my back, Emmett McCarty."

I looked up to see the same old Rose, looking as beautiful as a runway model in her waitress uniform and apron.

"Rose, I'm so-"

"Save it, Swan. I heard you offer my husband a meal I didn't have to cook. Give me a date and time, though I should warn you I have three just like him." She pointed her thumb at Emmett.

"JJ would love to have other kids to play with. Can I think about when? There's still a lot to sort out…"

She pushed me over with her hip as she slid into the booth beside me.

"What made you finally come back? You ain't on the run or somethin' are ya? No way this boy is yours, he's what, five? Unless he's big for his age **…** trust me, I know about big babies, I had Emmett's. Did they have to stitch you up too?"

"That's my Mama B!" JJ smiled, apparently charmed by the blonde haired beauty who never stopped speaking or thought about what she was saying.

"That's it, Mama B." She clucked her tongue. "I figured you were crazy when you left but that you'd come to your senses, now you done kidnapped a poor baby. Don't worry, we won't talk to no law, well, except my husband of course. Did you hear, my man is the sheriff now?"

"Really Rose? Out of all the possible scenarios, you decide on kidnapping?"

"Well, I got mine the way God intended, in the bed of a 1986 Chevy pick-up." She tilted her nose up, and neither of us could hold in a giggle.

"Quit acting so dumb." I grinned, throwing my straw wrapper at her. "What about adoption of fostering a child?"

"You adopted right after you-"

"Stop, please." I cringed, trying to prepare for the word.

"I'm sorry Sug… I sure can blabber and say inappropriate things at the wrong time, can't I?"

"Same old Rose." I smiled at her, forgiving her immediately.

"How about I bring some coffee and donuts to the house tomorrow before dropping the kids off with Emmett's Mama?"

"Sure."

"Now, what can I get you both to eat?" She flicked JJ's nose, earning a smile.

"I'll have the All-American burger, and he'll have the kid's version."

"We're slowing down, so it will be out soon."

"Tomorrow I expect some explanations!" She called out over her shoulder.

"I don't know if I'm ready for this," I muttered.

"She was your best friend five years ago. If you can't tell her what happened, who can you tell? Now look at this picture, these two are the twins, Emmett Junior and Elijah, and that's baby Eric."

Before I could respond the bell tinkled above the door, and I turned to look, sucking in my breath with my eyes met with Edward's.

"I'll, uh, go sit with him while he eats before I pick the kids up from Mama's."

I gave Emmett a grateful smile, unable to break eye contact with Edward even as he sat in a booth across the room. His eyes were dark and empty as if he hadn't a single emotion in his whole body.

"You did a number on him," Rose stated, breaking my trance as she sat down plates of food; a chocolate milkshake appearing before JJ even though I didn't order it. His eyes light up like fireworks on the Fourth of July, and I didn't have the heart to tell him to eat first. "He's never been the same."

"Not now."

"Tomorrow."

Her expression told me she hadn't yet forgiven me for leaving, not just her, but Edward too. We were all friends. Grew up together, fell in love around the same time. Shared everything our whole lives. I was now the outcast. The one who ran away and broke the heart of the boy who would lasso the moon if it would make me happy.

But I hadn't been happy, and no one seemed to care about that fact.

When we got home, JJ was sound asleep, and I walked into the cabin without turning on any lights. I knew the floor plan like the back of my hand. Leaving his door cracked and the hall light on, I crawled into bed and tried to sleep through the haunting images of Edwards dark eyes.


	3. Like we never loved at all

As always, a huge shout out to Fran! All mistakes are mine.

* * *

"Knock-knock!" Rose called out as the screen door slapped behind her just as I finished getting JJ dressed.

We walked out together to greet her, gratefully accepting the to-go cup of coffee she gave me before handing JJ a donut and napkin.

"Where are the boys?" I asked.

"Outside, playing on the tire swing." She said, walking back outside, leaving us to follow after her.

JJ went running for the two boys while Rose bent over a car seat, retrieving a baby who must be Eric.

"That old thing needs replacing; they shouldn't be playing on it. I promised JJ I'd stop at the hardware store today for new rope."

"They're boys, they'll be fine." She turned to me and smiled brightly.

Frowning, I shielded my eyes with a hand and looked out across the yard. Sure enough, the tire was now on the ground, and one of the twins was inside it while the other tried to lift it.

"Boys!" Rosalie suddenly yelled. "Here, take Eric for a sec, would ya'?" She pushed him into my arms and ran down the porch steps to her sons, one still inside the tire, and the other attempting to roll it down the drive.

"Um, Hey." I glanced down at the baby, bouncing my arms a bit.

I earned a toothless grin, and I guessed him to be about five months old, Emmett's dimples already winking at me. I looked up when I heard the truck, cursing under my breath that he had to pass the cabin on his way to one of the pastures. Once more, he slowed as he passed, watching me with disinterest- that is until he saw baby Eric in my arms. Something flashed in his eyes, and he took off without another glance.

"Hey, that was Uncle Edward!" One of the twins stopped fighting with his brother long enough to point at the truck disappearing around the bend. "Mama, why didn't he stop and say 'Hey'?"

"He must not have seen you, baby, you can tell him about it Sunday after church." She smiled sadly at him, rubbing his hair back, his previous misbehavior already forgotten. "So much for our talk, but I gotta get going. We have dinner at our house Sunday after church, you're more than welcome to join us. In fact, I'll save you a seat in the pew." She winked after retrieving Eric and getting the kids into her minivan.

"I don't think that's a good idea… You already said Edward would be there."

"He's gonna have to get used to seeing you. It's a small town." She shrugged as she got into her seat and drove off.

"When are you gonna fix the swing, Mama B?" JJ asked, rolling the tire up the drive.

"Soon, Buddy. Ready to go grocery shopping?" He groaned and drug his feet all the way to the truck.

X  
The Church was crowded, and I was glad Rosalie was saving us a seat. I found them, and it was as if time held still. Jasper and Alice, Rosalie and Emmett and last but certainly not least, Edward. I sighed as I ushered JJ into the children's area after realizing Edward was sitting on the end of the pew, which meant I would be sitting beside him.

I stood there quietly, waiting for him to move but he stared straight ahead as if I weren't there. However, I knew he was aware of my presence by the tightening of his fists lying atop his thighs.

"May I sit down, please?" I asked, trying to keep the bitterness out of my voice.

"Edward, scoot your tush over and let poor Bella sit down!" Rosalie hissed.

He grudgingly moved over, giving me enough room to sit. I wanted to talk to him, for him to look at me, acknowledge my existence. He did none of those things. He sat straight and listened with rapt attention throughout the sermon, kneeling to pray, his deep baritone voice sending chills through my body as we shared a hymnbook. I couldn't help but noticed he smelled the same. Like outside, of fresh hay and soil, a woodsy scent I never forgot.

"Edward-" I began after the service before JJ came running up to me.

"Mama B! Jr says we're going to his house after church for dinner!"

I noticed Edwards body stiffen, I could even feel it.

"I come to church to pray for my Mama, Papa, and my boy. Not for conversation." He glared at me before turning and walking away.

I ran after him, my heels clicking on the cement stairs.

"Our boy, Edward! Ours!" I screamed, kicking his truck tire.

"We all have our own way of seeing things." He stated while putting a portion of tobacco under his lip and reversing out of the parking lot.

"Bella, Honey." Rose wrapped one arm around my waist and the other around my shoulder. "Why don't we take JJ home with us?"

"I couldn't leave him so soon; you're practically strangers to him."

"He will have a blast playing with Jr and Elijah. If there are any problems, we will bring him right back. Otherwise, I'll have him home after breakfast."

"Rose-"

"You go on home and have a hot bath. Give yourself some time to lick your wounds."

I nodded silently, turning to hug her tightly, my tears finally escaping.

"Mama B?" JJ asked with concern, tugging on my dress.

"I'm just happy to see all my old friends. In fact, Ms. Rose was wondering if you would like to have your very first sleepover at her house."

"Really?"

I nodded, smiling over his enthusiasm.

After several hugs and kisses, I was in my truck and driving through town alone. The first time I had been alone in a long time. I slowed as I passed the cemetery, knowing Papa C was waiting on me. I wasn't ready yet; not when I knew who was buried beside him in the family plot. I lifted my hand in a wave, hoping he was looking down on me, knowing I was thinking of him. Three miles before the Meadow Ranch was a single trailer, falling apart, with grass almost as tall as the building itself. I never understood why Papa C didn't just tear it down.

" _Bella?"_

 _I heard Edward's father calling for me, but I stayed hidden in the corner of my closet. Carlisle Cullen was a nice man, always had a smile for me when I came over to play with Edward and Jasper. He even let me help out on his ranch, which was a lot of responsibility. I wasn't afraid of him, but Edward told me at school his dad saw him pack two of everything in his lunch pail and he told him it was for me. I knew he would be wondering why Edward was bringing me lunch and I couldn't face him. I basically stole from him._

" _Isabella?" I heard his footsteps in the hallway, the flickering of a light switch that wouldn't turn the lights on. "Shit." He growled angrily._

" _You in here, Sweetheart?" He entered my room and looked around, not even enough space for him to turn in. He sighed and sat on my bed. "I really wish you would come out and talk to me. It hurts somethin' fierce that you don't trust me."_

" _I don't want to hurt you, Carlisle!" I cried out, crawling out of the closet with tears streaming down my face. "I thought you was mad at me for eatin' up all your food."_

 _He smiled sadly and patted his leg, and I climbed my ten-year-old self up on his knee, wrapping my arms around his neck and cried into his shoulder._

" _I'm sorry; I told Edward it was a bad idea."_

" _Why did Edward think he had to pack you lunch?" He asked calmly, rubbing my back._

" _Cause I wasn't bringing any and I had no money to buy something."_

" _Isabella, do you promise to be honest with me?"_

" _Yes, Sir." I nodded, biting my lip. I looked up to Carlisle like he was my own Papa. Mine took off before my mom even knew she was pregnant. She told me that story all the time._

" _Where's your Mama?"_

 _I shrugged._

" _How long you been here without her?"_

" _Three weeks."_

" _How long you been without food?"_

" _This week and half of last. But I wasn't out of food, Edward brought it to me, remember?"_

" _What about breakfast and dinner?"_

 _I shrugged again._

" _How long have the lights been out, do you have water?"_

" _The lights stopped working a few days ago, and I've been going to the stream for my baths. I fill up our Kool-Aid jug, so I have water to drink here without having to go to the stream every time I want a glass." I was pretty proud of my inventive thinking._

" _What I'm about to say may sound scary, but I need you to trust me. Can you do that?"_

 _I nodded my head._

" _We are going to go into town to talk with Sheriff McCarty,_ _and then you are going to come home with me. How does that sound?"_

 _I knew Emmett's Daddy; he was big but a nice man._

" _Go home with you?"_

" _I can't promise anything yet, but I'm going to do my damnedest to make you a part of our family."_

" _You want me?" I asked in shock, so used to hearing how terrible it was to have me around all the time._

" _Sure do. We'll make a Cullen out of you yet."_

" _When I marry Edward, I'll be a Cullen," I said seriously, causing Carlisle to chuckle. "We'll get married and have lots of babies and run the ranch with you, so you won't ever be alone."_

" _That sounds like a mighty fine plan. Now let's go talk to the sheriff so we can go home." He smiled._

I pushed the memory back and drove the short distance to the cabin. Soon enough, I wouldn't be calling it that anymore, it would just be home. I took Rose's suggestion to heart and stripped as the tub filled, soaking in the hot water as the sun slowly lowered behind the mountains.


	4. I can still feel you

Thank you Fran for making this so much better!

* * *

"What the hell is the matter with you?" My body was shaken; yanked roughly out of the now cold water.

My vision was blurry as I tried to focus my eyes on the person whose hands my body would never forget.

"What are you doing?" I asked, mentally willing myself awake.

"I've been callin' your damn name for five minutes, what are you thinking, falling asleep in the bath like that? You could've drowned!"

"Would you hand me the robe that's behind you or do you prefer to stand here yelling at me while I'm naked as a newborn babe?" I snapped.

I saw the slight widening of his eyes before he returned to the bitter expression I had become used to.

"What are you doing here anyway?"

"Your kid was cryin' when it was time to get ready for bed and wanted to come home. Rose asked me to bring him since the cabin is on the way."

"And you kindly granted her the request?" I asked, raising a brow at him. "You would willingly deal with my presence, even if just for a few moments?"

"It's Rose, you can't tell that woman no." He glared turning and stomping out of the bathroom.

The cool breeze blowing in through the open windows made my still damp skin break out in goosebumps. The cabin was dark, the curtains Alice, Rose, and I made together in Home EC class fluttering lightly.

"Where's JJ?"

"He fell asleep on the way; I put him in the spare bedroom I figured was his when you didn't answer me."

"Did you take his shoes off at least?"

"Do I look like your nanny?" He called over his shoulder, the screen door flapping behind him as he walked out of the house.

"You've turned into such a mean man, Edward Cullen! What would Papa C say?" I chased after him, the dirt sticking to the bottom of my bare feet.

"You would know if you had been around these past five years!" His boots kicking up dust when he abruptly turned around to face me, leaning down, so our eyes met, the anger showing clearly.

"Like you wanted me around so bad! You never came lookin' for me!"

"You don't know what I did or didn't do! It doesn't even matter, I'm not the one who left in the dark like a coward."

"If you had been around I wouldn't have had to sneak away! You would have been there to stop me!"

"I shouldn't have had to stop you; you should have wanted to stay!"

"For what?" I wanted him to say it, I needed to hear him say it. All these years, it's all I wanted.

"I'm not doing this with you, Bella." This time climbing into his truck and driving off without a backward glance.

I wiped the tears off my face, going back to the cabin to check on JJ. Edward had laid him on his bed, just as he said, his dirty sneakers were off his feet and on the floor beside the footboard. He had even covered him up with the afghan that had once held a place on the back of the green couch when Edward and I had lived here. I peeked and saw Rose had put him in pajamas most likely borrowed from one of the twins. When I turned to leave my peacefully sleeping boy, I accidently kicked a plastic bag that held the clothes he was wearing when his day began.

Once I knew he was safe and secure, I got into my own bed and allowed myself to shed a few tears.

* * *

 **EPOV**

I was sitting on the porch swing, sharpening my pocket knife on a stone when Jasper's ostentatious car came blazing up the drive leaving a trail of dust. I blamed Alice. She acted like she was too good for the town she never left. Always wanting to show off how well her husband did even though he did more pro bono work for the old farmers than he did the high class 'city folk' she liked to tell everyone about.

"She's on her way." He looked rather wild, worried even, speaking and getting out of the car at the same time. He took long strides to reach the porch step, watching me cautiously.

I knew it was only a matter of time till I saw her; I had tried to prepare myself since the reading of Daddy's will. But I wasn't ready. I don't know if I ever really would be. I'd been mad as hell when I had to sit there and listen to the lawyer tell Jasper and me that we weren't each given half, but rather a third. Jasper readily gave me his portion, wanting nothing to do with the land, but there was nothing we could do about the share Bella was given; no fight would make her give it up. It was Daddy's dying wish to have all his children be given a piece of his legacy, and he had considered Bella his daughter since she was ten years old and came to live with us.

Even though Jasper gave me his deed to the land, he still had his house built on the edge of the property, opposite of mine. I lived in the main house, living with our father after moving out of the cabin when Bella left. I still slept in my childhood room; it seemed wrong even to think about moving into the master bedroom.

Even though I wasn't living in the cabin, memories haunted me in every nook and cranny of the main house just the same. There wasn't a time I could remember not having her in my life up till she left. We had grown up as children, best friends whose love deepened. These past five years she was still in my life, just not physically. She was in my every waking thought, even if some weren't always good.

I wasn't going to do it anymore. Forget her ... to hell with our past. She had been my ray of sunshine, brought out the good in me, now she was nothing.

"It's going to be okay, Edward." I had forgotten Jasper was still standing there as if he had to be a mediator between Bella and me.

"Of course it's going to be okay. She's nothing." Her being home wouldn't affect me at all.

An old truck came to a stop beside Jasper's car not long after. She sat there for a while, looking at the house first and then focusing on me till Jasper called out to her. I ignored their exchange, watching long legs stepping out of the truck to stand on my drive, the twinkling voice making my ear drums tickle. I finally found her face and noticed the mild changes. The slightly higher cheekbones, thinner frame, and wider hips. Wearing jeans that had been cut up as short as the zipper, showing off her tanned height, her tank top low enough to catch a glimpse of cleavage, only heightened when James came out of the barn and swung her around. Seeing his arms wrapped around her pissed me off, and I gave a few harsh remarks, watching without remorse as he stepped away and she looked at me in slight shock. Jasper gave her the keys, and soon enough, I watched from inside the house as she left.

I slammed the cupboard doors till I found what I was looking for, staring at the bottle of Jack, wanting to finish off the more than half full contents. Just as I was about to open the bottle my phone rang.

"Hello?"

"Ed!"

It was as if Emmett could read my thoughts, instinctively knowing I needed his intervention. I wouldn't let her do this to me again.

"What's up, Emmett?" I asked and put the bottle away.

"I'm almost finished here at work. Want to grab a burger with me while I wait for Rosie's shift to end?"

"This has nothing to do with Bella being back in town?" I rolled my eyes at his apparent notions.

"I might have heard something about that." He admitted without shame. "I'll see you at the diner in about an hour."

Emmett never changed. He was an honest Abe, always looking out for his friends and family. His roots were firmly planted and his trunk strong enough to withstand the strongest winds.

Everything I wasn't.

When I got to the diner I couldn't help but feel a twinge of betrayal, seeing Emmett showing off pictures of his kids to Bella and the kid she had with her. I quickly shook it off, reminding myself that they had once been her friends too.

"How you holdin' up, Honey?" Rose asked, my eyes glued on Bella and the boy.

"I'll have my usual." I cleared my throat and gave her a small smile just as Emmett sat in the booth across from me.

"Course you will. You and Emmett have ordered the same thing since you were seventeen years old. Two orders of steak and eggs comin' up." She said, kissing first my cheek and then a kiss on Emmett's lips before leaving to give the cook our order.

"How are you doing?" Emmett asked, taking a sip of his coffee.

"Why does everyone keep asking me that? I'm fine. Why shouldn't I be?"

"Because the love of your life just walked back into town."

"She didn't come for me, she's back for the free house. And she's no longer the love of my life, I don't believe in that kinda thing anymore."

"What, love?" He snickered.

"Exactly. It's all a crock of shit."

"Rose and I would beg to differ."

"You two are special. There ain't nothing special about Bella and me, not anymore. The only good that came from us being together is lying beside my daddy."

"Ed-"

"Here you go boys." Rose laid put the plates in front of us just as Bella and her boy walked past us to leave. My eyes followed them through the window, watching as she helped him into the back of her truck and then drove off, back to our ranch.

Mine.

I meant _my_ ranch.

* * *

 _I was hiding out in my room afraid of what Daddy might do now that he knew Bella had no food. When she stopped bringing food to_ _school, she made me promise not to tell. So I started packing two of everything so she would have something to eat. Her Momma had taken off; Bella came home one day from school, and she was just gone, no note or nothing. She was my best friend, and I didn't want to break a promise even though it felt wrong not to tell my Daddy what was going on. I wanted to help her, but the only way I could without hurting her feelings was to give her a ham sandwich, a couple cookies, and a juice box._

 _I heard his truck pulling up and ran to the window, throwing my head out to look. I was shocked to see Bella entering the house with him. I opened my door when I heard them on the stairs. She was looking up at Daddy like he was stronger than_ _Superman_ _and something in me made me want her to look at me the same way._

" _Are you mad a_ t _me?"_ _I asked when she finally looked my way._

 _She just shook her head, a grin covering her face, and threw her arms around my neck. I looked up at Daddy in confusion, hugging her back. He just nodded and opened the door across from mine, the room we used to save for Nana before she passed away. He then sat a bag of clothes_ _on the dresser_ _._

" _Edward, you'll never believe what's happened! Emmett's Daddy said I could live with you and your Daddy will be signing papers soon for guardianship!"_

" _What's that mean?" I asked._

" _It means he'll be my Daddy too!_ _Don't worry,_ _though, I made sure you and I could still marry when_ _we're_ _old enough."_

" _Hush up with all that talk." I could feel my face redden and hear Jasper's snickers from the doorway of his bedroom. "What are you looking at?" I snapped, already balling up my fists._

" _Boys, none of that tonight. We've got a woman in the house now. Why don't we go down into the kitchen and make some ice cream sundaes to celebrate?"_

" _Where'd_ _her Momma_ _go?" Jasper asked in a loud whisper as we all walked down the stairs._

 _Bella's hand slipped_ _into mine, and I looked at her, worried she would cry over Jasper's words. Instead, I saw a girl who was braver than most boys,_ _a smile on her lips and eyes as clear as a rainless day. I knew I would never forget the courage she was showing today. I gave her hand a squeeze and knew she would always be my best friend._

" _You keep doing that and Papa C is going to know we're doing more than just studying for the science final, Edward." Bella moaned when my hand_ _again slipped up her shirt._

" _I find this so much more interesting." My voice muffled with my face pressed into the crook of her neck._

 _She giggled and rolled over onto her back, wrapping her arms around my neck when I climbed over her and lowered my body to hers, kissing her with all my worth._

" _Bella, Ed-" There was a knock on the_ _door,_ _and it opened before we could tear ourselves away from each other. "Would you two please come down to the kitchen?" My father stood in the doorway, hands on his hips and a look of uncertainty as he looked between Bella and me._

" _Yes, Sir." Bella squeaked, slipping off the bed and past Daddy, racing down the stairs._

" _Dad, you knew what we were doing, don't think I didn't hear you hanging around outside my door for the past five minutes."_

" _I think I interrupted at a good time, Son. Come on, let's go."_

 _I groaned as I got off the bed and dragged my feet to the kitchen knowing it would be a good long while before Bella allowed me_ _to cop_ _a feel again. At fifteen, she just woke up one day with boobs that fit in the palm of my hand perfectly. She seemed just as mesmerized as I did when I did just that. Her cheeks lost their_ _puffiness, and her regular_ _brown eyes suddenly sparkled with life._

" _I saw this coming the day Bella came to live with us." My father started, opening a beer and sitting at the kitchen table between us. "I suppose I should have had this talk before now, I don't know how you two grew up so fast, fifteen already."_

" _We've taken sex education, Dad. We know all about sex and how to prevent babies." I felt some satisfaction when_ _he choked_ _a bit on_ _the sip_ _he had just taken. "Besides, we've only made out a few times, nothing to worry about."_

" _That looked like it was headed for a whole lot more than making out when you were upstairs."_

" _I swear Papa C, we've never done more than kiss and a few feelin' ups! It was only his hand, that's not so bad is it?" Bella blurted out, almost in tears._

" _Bella!" I complained._

" _No, Sweetheart. That's not so bad. Go finish your homework, I'd like to have a few words with my son_ _... alone."_

" _Yes, Sir." She_ _got up and hurriedly left the room, giving me an apologetic smile._

 _I should have known; she would never lie or keep anything from my father, I had yet to live up to the same hero worship she held for him._

" _What do you want to talk to me about that you don't Bella?"_

" _Jasper and I had this talk when he turned sixteen. With your temptation across the hall, I think it best we do it now." He sighed, reaching into his pocket and throwing a box of condoms on top of the table. "Those aren't meant for permission to use, but rather as a precaution. It's always better to be safe than sorry. Our first chat will be about respect for women and their bodies."_

 _I groaned and slunk down in my chair, prepared for the most embarrassing conversation of my life._

* * *

I tried to act as if all was right with the world when I left, though I felt weighted down. Rose and Emmett were leaving to pick up their three kids. Alice and Jasper's windows were brightly lit, showing them at the dining room table eating dinner together as I drove past, Alice laughing.

I parked the truck and walked the rest of the way, falling to my knees at the two stones that were waiting for me. I rubbed a hand over the smaller one; the one with a scene of baby animals as I looked at the larger of the two.

One stone ... two names.

"She's back, Daddy."

* * *

Don't forget about the new contest, We 3 Mobward!

fanfiction net /u/8713588/  
fb groups/273818629702842/?fth=1

Remember to add a period between fanfiction and net and no space after net. A dot com after FB and no space before groups

DATES...  
Submissions: March 8-March 31  
Public Voting April 4-12  
Announced April 17


	5. Whiskey and You

Thank you Fran xxx

* * *

" _This is so cliché." Bella giggled, squealing as I lifted her out of the truck and carried her to the blanket I had laid out on the ground. We were alone on the bank near the pond with only the stars and moon shining above us, reflecting off the water and casting a pale glow to Bella's exposed skin. The cool grass below us seeped through making the blanket feel chilled._

" _It's our senior prom, we gotta do it right." I grinned, throwing a wink her way and lifting the dress shirt over my head, only bothering to undo a couple of the top buttons._

 _It didn't take long before we were both naked, her legs wrapped around mine, her lips near my ear making mewling sounds that urged me on._

" _Edward, Edward…" She whispered, kissing my jaw. "I love you."_

" _Always." I rasped out._

" _Forever."_

"Shit," I growled immediately upon waking and sitting up in the bed.

I wish I could say I hadn't had that dream in years, months would be even better, but it happens more often than I feel my heart will be able to handle, causing me to rub at the familiar ache in my chest.

It never left completely when I woke, always haunting me with the memories. We spent the entire night on that damp blanket, loving each other with abandon, not falling asleep till dawn. Jasper and Emmett had found us the next morning, hootin' and hollerin', doing a donut in the dirt causing a swirl of dust to fill the air. Throwing my shirt over Bella, trying to cover her from their prying eyes, I chased after them, naked as the day I was born, while they cackled and drove off, blaring that blasted air horn Emmett had installed in his truck.

I had to talk Bella down as she panicked over Jasper telling Papa C. I didn't have the heart to tell her Daddy already knew. He walked in on us one night and turned around, walking right back out so fast I almost missed it. We agreed not to tell Bella, and I was given another box of condoms. Condoms I had forgotten that night. Our prom night just got more and more cliché. We conceived our son, and when we found out, I got down on one knee asking her to marry me.

I glared at my nightstand drawer, which contained the leather box that had my mother's ring inside **.** I tried giving it to Jasper when he proposed to Alice, but Daddy insisted it belonged on no other finger but Bella's. I wouldn't speak to him for weeks after that comment; Alice was pretty pissed too, much to my satisfaction and Jaspers turmoil.

The sky was slowly turning my walls orange. Rubbing my face roughly and groaning, I figured I might as well get up. With a thermos of hot coffee and my worn leather boots on, I left the house for the barn and soon began feeling more in my element.

* * *

"Edward!"

Jasper's voice echoed throughout the barn. He was at the opposite end from where I was cleaning the last horse's hoof.

"What are you doing out of the office?" I smirked at him, patting the horse's rump and walking toward him.

"They look good, brother."

"I think they'll bring a good profit this year." I agreed, looking at my full stalls. I had more colts this year than was planned when a stallion got out for a few hours before Jimmy went into the fourth pasture to check on them. He certainly appeared to enjoy himself with the number of babies I ended up getting.

"When's the sale?"

"Couple months." I took off my baseball cap and slapped it on my thigh, squinting at my big brother. "You didn't come out here to talk horse flesh, did you?"

"No." He chuckled, still not meeting my eyes.

"I didn't realize it was so late, why don't you come back to the house with me while I make a sandwich."

"You and Daddy were the same, could never keep track of time while you were working."

He was silent as we made the walk, watching me wash my hands and put together two ham and cheese sandwiches.

"Don't you ever eat anything else?"

"Can't make anything else." I grinned with a mouthful of food. "When I want something different I go to Rosie's or the diner."

"You go to Rosalie and Emmett's for dinner sometimes twice a week, why don't you ever come eat with me and Alice?" He gave an almost pouting look.

Instead of answering, I took a gulp of the sun tea Emmett had brought by for me in a big jug. Rose was always fussing over me like I belonged in her brood of children. Hell if was about to look a gift horse in the mouth. I took full advantage of the food and tea Emmett and Rose always supplied me.

"Say what you came to say, I can see it clawing up your insides. You haven't touched your food." I said instead of answering his question, swiping the sandwich off his plate and taking a big bite now that mine was gone.

"Well, I wanted you to be the first to know." Jasper was doing the eye thing again, looking everywhere but at me. "Alice is pregnant."

"What was that?"

That woman swore she'd never have kids, didn't want her lifestyle to change. She preferred to work with other people's children during the day and go home to a quiet house. She said this so many times I lost count and was the reason Daddy went to his grave without being able to watch that grandchild he craved grow. I wanted to be happy for him, I really did, he was my brother after all- but I felt angry.

"You couldn't have don't this when Daddy was alive? What about all those times he asked you when you were going to start having kids and that bitch of a wife told him no way in hell?" I shouted at him, pointing a finger in his face. I was so mad I didn't even see it coming.

He punched me square in the jaw.

I was thrown backward, stunned, while watching him get to his feet.

"Don't you ever call my wife a bitch again!" He yelled while walking out of the house.

I growled getting up and with a roar chased after him, tackling him to the ground just as he stepped off the porch.

"Get off me!"

"What'da hit me for, you don't like hearing the truth?" I asked, landing an elbow into his gut before he gained the upper hand and pinned me down.

"It's you who can't handle the truth! This is why I didn't even want to tell you, but that woman you called a bitch told me you had to be told first! This isn't about Daddy not having any grandkids from _me_ ; it's about the one he lost!"

"Shut the fuck up! You don't know what you're talkin' about! Go make your millions before your wife dies of shame." I snapped at him, this time feeling regret.

"It's time to grow up, Edward." He glared, getting off me and taking a step back. "It's been five years, you were kids. Barely nineteen."

"You don't know anything."

"Don't I, though? It wasn't me who made sure you wouldn't choke on your vomit in case you threw up all the alcohol you consumed night after night after Bella left? It wasn't me and Emmett who finally sobered you up and stopped you from returning to it when you came back home after disappearing for almost a week?"

"I don't need this shit from you."

"You need to hear it from someone, Edward! She's back and she ain't going nowhere!"

"Don't let Alice hear you talkin' like that. You're both sophisticated now, remember?"

"When you decide you can act like an adult and be civil, you know where to find me." He glared, walking to his car and opening the door. "You know," He turned back around to face me. "I was the one to tell you everything would be all right when you found out you were going to be a daddy. I was the first person you told. I was really hoping you'd be there for me too, Little Brother. You don't think I'm scared shitless? That you're the only one afraid? I watched my nephew die… I guess I was stupid to think you would be happy for me and help calm my nerves." He sped off while I was still lying on the ground, watching his car disappear.

I couldn't even get up, covering my face with my hands as the loathed sobs escaped, wracking my body. All I could picture was how small he had been, fitting in just one of my hands. Nineteen years old, holding my premature son as his chest heaved, struggling to breathe when taken off the ventilator and it was time to say our goodbyes. Laying him on Bella's chest with my hand on his back while we clung to each other and cried our hearts out, Daddy and Jasper in a corner with tears of their own running down their faces.

I screamed aloud, the remembrance of his last breath, taking over all my senses. It hadn't been this bad in so long… now she was back, making me remember all the things I didn't want to. The things I pushed as far back in my mind as I could, only creeping out while I slept and was unable to control them. I had no idea of time as I got to my feet, spitting out blood-tinged spit and wincing, feeling my busted lip.

" _All better." She smiled after using her tip toes and kissing the cut on my lip left from Jasper's and my most recent fight._

" _Perfect. Bella, I don't know what I would do without you. You're the only person in this world who understands me."_

* * *

"Hey, Mister!"

I scrunched my brows and shaded my eyes with a gloved hand. It had been days since I saw my brother and my lip was still sore.

"What are you doin' all the way over here? Your mama know you're here?" I asked when I realized Bella's kid was on his bike, pedaling as fast as he could just to hit the brakes and giggle over the small puff of dust he stirred.

"She's asleep."

"She's sleeping in the middle of the day instead of watching over you?" I asked with disbelief. "She do that often?"

"Nope. She's real sick and told me to lay down with her and watch a movie. She fell asleep, and I was bored, so I got my bike outta the shed."

"You shouldn't be wondering off on your ma. She'll be real worried when she wakes and can't find you."

"Maybe you outta drive me back, then. You know how long it took me to get here?" He asked, eyes bulging and mouth open.

"Maybe you shouldn't have ridden your bike all this way then."

"Please, Mister? Mama B will be real mad if she wakes up and I'm not there, and my legs hurt. I think I gots the cramps."

"Jesus," I muttered under my breath. _"How long has he been without his daddy?"_ I wondered to myself. "Get in; I'll put your bike in the back."

"Thanks!" He grinned widely and ran to open the door.

 _Too tired, my ass._

I put aside the hammer and nails I had been using to repair a broken board in the fence and threw his bike into the bed of the truck.

"Ain't you too old to be using training wheels?" I asked, starting engine as I spit into the plastic water bottle I had in the cup holder.

"Daddy was supposed to teach me, but he got real sick, and Mama B was too busy taking care of him, and then we had to move. Why is your spit brown?"

"He's sick, huh? Is that why your mama brought you out here, so you wouldn't get sick too?"

 _Yeah, I was fishing for information from a five-year-old_.

"No silly, you can't catch bad brains."

"Bad brains?"

"Yup. Something bad happened to his brain, and he died." His voice was a tab bit quieter. I was stunned into silence and felt pretty awful for bringing it up.

"I'm sorry about your dad, Kid."

"I still have my Mama B, and she promised she'd never leave me alone."

He was too young to hear what she really said, not that she wouldn't leave him, but that she wouldn't leave him without someone to care for him.

I helped him jump down from the truck when we reached the cabin, which seemed much harder for him than climbing in. I wondered if I should have used a seat thing like Rose had. Peeking into Bella's truck as we walked by answered my question.

"Mama B?" JJ whispered, opening the screen door.

I followed him in, spotting Bella right away, still sleeping on the couch where JJ said he left her. I puckered my lips and moved closer, noticing the sheen to her skin.

"Bella?" Her eyelashes fluttered, and big brown eyes meet my green ones, a smile forming on her lips.

"Edward." She sighed before the cloud covering her eyes drifted away, and I knew she was truly awake. "What are you doing in my house?" She asked in surprise, sitting up quickly, resulting in a fit of coughs.

"JJ rode his bike to mine." I looked at her worriedly, lifting a hand to feel her head.

"What are you doing?" She slapped at my hand.

"You're burning up. What did I say about falling asleep in that tub?" I raised my voice, getting to my feet. "Come on, JJ, we're going to town."

"What are you talking about? You aren't taking my son anywhere!"

Though the words stabbed, I stayed calm and lifted the boy into my arms.

"You're sick and need medicine. You can't take care of him like this, so he's coming with me."

"I can take care of him just fine. I don't need you."

"Yeah, I know. You made that crystal-clear years ago." I shifted JJ and walked back outside, stopping only to grab the seat from Bella's truck and placing it in mine.

"Your truck sounds so cool!" JJ grinned, as we drove down the road.

"You like it, huh?" I couldn't help but grin back and speed up, so the engine worked a little harder, making the kid laugh.

I ignored all the looks we received in the local grocery store while we bought flu medication, Vitamin C tablets, and canned soup; along with a bunch of junk food for me and JJ.

"You didn't steal him to get back at Bella or anything, did you?" Emmett asked, grinning and ruffling JJ's hair when I was loading our purchases into the back.

"Nah, not this time. Bella's sick and the kid rode his bike to my place. Figured he was better off coming with me than staying with her. She can't even get off her couch."

"So, you're buyin' her soup and taking care of her and JJ?" Rose asked stepping beside her husband, a gleam in her eye.

"Don't let your wife get any crazy ideas, yeah?" I arched a brow at Emmett and helped JJ into his seat. "We need to get going; I'll see you at the diner soon." I beeped my horn and gave a wave out the window, heading back to the ranch.

"Here," I grunted, handing the kid a can of shredded beef jerky.

"This looks like yours!" He said excitedly.

I smirked and put some between my cheek and gums, watching out of the corner of my eye as he copied me. I could do this. Taking care of him would be a breeze. Bella on the other hand…

* * *

"What does my son have in his back pocket?" Bella screeched as loud as she could, given she barely had a voice when I brought out the dirty hamper to load the washer and dryer hidden behind folding closet doors beside the back door.

"Relax, it's only beef Jerky." I took out the can and threw it on top of the kitchen counter.

"It's only beef jerky now! In ten years he will be asking you to buy him the real stuff!"

"Like you would ever stay put that long."

"Get out of my house, Edward!"

"I think of it as ours, darlin'." I sneered at her. "Daddy gave it to us as a wedding gift, remember? Your son is sleeping in the bedroom that belonged to _my_ son."

She threw the steaming bowl of chicken and stars at me, the liquid splashing up and splattering my bare forearms.

"You wanna act childish?" I yelled, looking behind her. She sat at the table, the fireplace behind her. "I have been taken care of your ass for the past two days, sleeping on the shit green couch and making sure your kid was fed and kept outta trouble!" I threw the hamper into the laundry doors, uncaring of the noise I was making while JJ was asleep in the other room.

"What are you doing?" Her voice quivered when I pulled the picture of us off the wall.

"Throwin' out the trash." I kept my tone even, grabbing my bag beside the couch and letting the screen door slam shut behind me.

"Mister!" JJ came crying after me as I threw the items into my truck and climbed inside.

"What is it, kid?" I asked.

"Where you going?"

"Back home. Your Mama is well enough to take care of you now."

"She still can't talk very good." He looked back at the house with concern.

The two days I stayed with them, Bella and I didn't say a word to each other. I dosed out medicine and heated up soup for her. I played with JJ outside, fixed the tire swing for him, gave him dinner and a bath before bed. Today was the first day Bella was able to make a sound and we began and ended with a fight.

"Get back into bed, kid."

"Will you come back?"

I stared down at him, missing his presence before I even left just as much as I resented it. He was a reminder of what I lost and what I craved when I was alone. I didn't answer him, I didn't know what to say. Instead, I backed down the drive, my eyes focused on his crying face till I had to veer onto the main drive.

But instead of going right toward home, I turned left toward the graveyard.


	6. Redneck Crazy

"All right, JJ. The first rule of fishing is you gotta bait your own fishing pole." Rose held a Styrofoam container out in front of her near JJ's chest. His nose scrunched and he looked at them in disgust.

"I hafta put my hook through it?" He asked in slight disbelief, looking over his shoulder to Jr and Elijah who already had their lines in the water.

"Yup, you sure do. The second rule is you must take the fish off and put it into the bucket of water yourself. Your Mama or I will help the first couple of times, but after that, you are on your own."

"Mama B…"

"You're the one who wanted to learn how to fish." I raised a brow at him and smirked.

"Because Jr said it was cool!" He pouted.

"You'll never know if you like it until you try. Watch, I bait my own hook." I grabbed a worm, slid it onto my hook through its middle twice, and then cast out my line. "My Papa C taught me how and no matter how much of a fuss I stirred, he made me do it on my own."

His scowl deepened but he grabbed a worm and slid it onto his hook with only a slight shiver.

"All right, JJ!" Rose cheered. "You remember how I showed you to cast?"

"Yes, Ma'am."

"Well all right then, get to it! We need to fill this bucket if we are going to have fish and chips for lunch!"

"I still don't know why you're calling French fries chips." He grumbled and walked away.

She smiled watching him join her sons, Eric asleep in his stroller a few feet away from the older boys, giving us enough space to talk without curious ears eavesdropping.

"Emmett found Edward at the cemetery a few nights ago."

"Oh?" I offered, hoping to sound disinterested as I cast my own pole.

"Yup… said he was all shaken up, wouldn't tell me what they talked about but Em's not very happy with you right now."

"Of course he would take Edward's side," I grumbled under my breath.

"Wanna tell me what happened so I can decide if my man is right or wrong?"

"I wasn't feeling so great and laid down to take a nap while JJ watched a movie. I guess he got bored and rode his bike to Edward's house and convinced him he was too tired to ride it back home. Edward made a big fuss about me being sick and ended up staying a few days."

"What was he doing during that time, playing doctor?" Rose laughed and winked.

"He slept on the couch." I shoved her shoulder. "He took care of JJ, played with him, cooked, got him ready for bed. Hell, he even fixed the tire swing for him. He made sure I was taking my meds and drinking enough fluids."

"So, you threw your soup at him?"

"You heard that part, huh?"

"I may have gotten bits and pieces." She smiled slyly.

"He was doing the laundry, and I was just about to thank him for everything when I saw him pull out a can, shaped like chewing tobacco from JJ's jean pocket. Edward acted like it was no big deal since it was only beef jerky, but it pissed me off. JJ's dad is gone, and he is already replacing that male role with Edward. First, I can't let him do that only to be crushed when Edward disappoints him by leaving or pushing him away."

"Need I remind you that _you're_ the one who left town?"

"Secondly," ignoring her comment, "before I know it, it won't be jerky at all but the real thing! I just got so mad I threw the first thing I could grab, which just so happened to be the soup he had served me before retrieving the hamper."

"Have you stopped to think about why JJ would leave like that when he knows better? He barely knew Edward when he rode his bike to his house, yet he did it as soon as your eyes closed. And if I heard correctly, he tried to convince Edward to stay; insisting you were still too sick to take care of him. That 'bout tore Edward up, leaving a tearful JJ."

"I thought Emmett didn't tell you what happened?"

"I already told you I knew some things. That boy over there is terrified of being alone … of being left all on his own. He needed Edward's presence as a sense of security; to know someone was there to take care of him."

"I was there."

"Why did he think he needed someone besides you?" This time truly curious.

I was silent for a few moments, reeling in my line and recasting.

"He watched me take care of his father for months." I sighed quietly. "His father was alive but couldn't take care of him, all responsibility of raising JJ fell on my shoulders. I didn't mind, but I saw the look in JJ's eyes every day as he watched his father fade away."

"What happened to him?"

"He had Glioblastoma multiforme, a brain tumor. He noticed numbness and tingling in his legs, and suddenly ... just like that, he wasn't able to walk." I snapped my fingers. "It didn't take long before he couldn't hear JJ well enough or talk coherently with him. Sometimes, he even forgot our names or his mood would change from being happy and smiling, the Jacob we knew, to being spiteful and spewing terrible things. JJ watched his father suffer from seizures that scared the heck out of him, after the first one he hid during all the others. Jacob died the day they tried to operate. He just never woke up again."

"So, seeing you sick…"

"Probably brought it all up to the surface." I finished her sentence.

"And the man who took care of you both, physically and emotionally, you treated like shit by overreacting over something silly. I don' know what your relationship with Jacob was, but you need to get off your high horse and remember you're the one that left Edward, not the other way around. You left him after losing a child and came back five years later with a different one. How much do you think that hurts him, yet he was still there when you needed him?" She spoke firmly but kindly, trying to make me see the error of my ways rather than rebuff me for them.

"Jr and Elijah!" Rose bellowed, setting down her poll and running toward her boys who now had their pants down around their ankles, peeing into the water ... more accurately, having a sword fight with their yellow streams while JJ laughed so hard he was clutching his stomach.

"Mama B! I got something!" He screamed suddenly, sobering and pulling on his pole.

I ran over and showed him how to reel it in until a medium-sized sunfish appeared out of the water. Rose took the necessary first catch photo and murmured it was time to go before she lost her senses from the twins' antics. We decided to let our one catch swim safely back home and went to the dinner for lunch.

* * *

" _I can't believe he is already one," Jacob whispered, wrapping an arm around Bella's waist as they stared into the crib at the sleeping baby who occupied it._

" _I've been here almost as long," I whispered back._

 _It hadn't hit me how fast time had gone. Jacob offered me a spare bedroom that he used as an office that had a pull-out couch, and I had been sleeping on it ever since. I worked at his business, taking calls and scheduling for him while also keeping an eye on JJ._

 _It had taken me some time to get used to the idea of being around a baby when the hurt in my heart was still so sharp. Over time, watching him learn to smile and coo in my direction, getting excited to see me; I learned I could still grieve for what I lost and love another at the same time._

 _I suppose others thought of our relationship as strange. We were strictly platonic yet acted like a married couple. We discussed everything about JJ with one another; who gave him his last bath or bottle, whose turn it was to change his diaper, fought over who got to rock him to sleep. We cooked dinner together, went out together. Everyone around us ... Jacob's friends and co-workers included, thought we were a couple, and we never bothered to correct them. It didn't seem relevant or important enough to either one of us to do so._

" _If I hadn't found you on the side of the road that night, I don't know if JJ would be so well taken care of." His hand squeezing a little tighter._

 _I turned to face him, and he walked us backward out of the nursery._

" _Bella, I don't know how to do this or what I am supposed to say ... what I even want to say."_

" _Jake…"_

" _I think we should try. Everyone already thinks we're a couple so it's not like we would have to go around announcing it. JJ calls you Mama, and we have never felt the need to correct it besides teaching him to hum the sound of B afterward. I love you Bella, and I know you love me too."_

" _Of course, I do. I just don't think it's the right kind of love, for either one of us." I searched his eyes, unwilling to hurt him yet wondering if he was right._

 _Maybe we should try._

 _I_ _hadn't let go of Edward, and Jacob hadn't forgiven JJ's mother for leaving the hospital no matter how much he denied it, I knew him too well for his lies to have any truth._

 _It was awkward, to say the least, for both of us. Our hands fumbled with clothing, our kisses chaste and without passion. When he laid his warm body over mine, it stirred something inside of me and obviously in him, because he moaned loudly when entering me. It wasn't desire but rather the feeling of connection; the physical contact we had denied ourselves._

" _What is that?" I asked, trying to push Jacob off and sit up when I heard an engine coming to life just as headlights flooded the bedroom, blinding us. I wrapped the sheet around me, trying to shield my eyes. Jacob grabbed a pair of sweatpants that had been lying on the floor beside the bed where he left them this morning and ran outside. When the headlights disappeared, I grabbed his robe and tied it tightly around me, going out the front door that was still open._

" _Jake?"_

" _Some asshole just drove his truck through my flower beds." He yelled, motioning with his hands at the tracks in the damp grass and the crushed flowers. What he didn't say was JJ's mother was the one to plant them._

" _This can't happen again."_

 _He looked at me, the hurt showing so clearly my heart ached for him._

" _What?" I was confused, unsure of the meaning of his words._

" _Us, we can't do this again. You're my best friend, Bella. A mother to JJ, I don't want to mess that up."_

" _We won't, you're my best friend too." I smiled and hugged him, his head falling to my shoulder with relief._

 _Not far away I could hear the same sounding engine rev, moving away from the house. Jake must have heard it too, because his head popped up and he stared into the darkness._

* * *

"Mister!" JJ screamed at a heart-stopping level and ran ahead of us, around the tables and chairs, even between someone's legs, and climbed into a booth without hesitation or invite.

Of course.

Edward was sitting there, cutting into his steak and apparently listening eagerly to whatever JJ was telling him from the other side of the table while he was stealing fries off his plate.

"Didja know Rose thinks French fries are chips? She's so strange." He shook his head and dipped a fry in a pile of ketchup the same size as the steak Edward had on his plate, just like before I left.

"JJ, we are waiting for a table to be cleaned off that's big enough for all of us."

"Bella, I am so sorry! I ran out of formula for Eric, and he's just like his father if he isn't fed in a timely manner. Rain check, okay?"

"Yeah, sure." I barely got out as Rose ran out of the dinner, calling out sorry multiple times as she left.

I watched suspiciously, when she got the kids into the van, yet sat in the driver's seat looking at her phone instead of leaving right away.

"Now we can eat with Edward!" JJ grinned up at me with an innocent smile and shining eyes.

He really was growing attached to Edward … and I didn't like it one bit.

"I'm sure he will be done before we even place our order, JJ."

"Can we eat with you, Mister, please?"

"If you want to, kid," Edward mumbled, ignoring my presence and holding out his fork with a bite of steak on it for JJ to try.

"Yum. I don't want any stinky fish for lunch, I want steak!" JJ cheered, eating another ketchup-drenched fry.

I had my face stuck in the menu but snuck a glance at Edward who was smirking at JJ and ignoring my presence entirely. Lunch went on as such, Edward ordering JJ a strawberry shake before I could protest. He knew as well as I did that they were my favorite while I was pregnant, in fact, he ordered them for me every Friday night when he took me out, and so it did nothing but stir up unwanted memories.

"JJ, let's go." I grabbed the shake, glass and all, and stalked out of the diner with JJ running to keep pace with me.

"See you soon, Darlin'."

"Go to hell, Edward Cullen!"

"Well, this sure is familiar." Emmett was holding the door open for me, laughing heartily. "More than once you've come storming out of this diner with a shake in your hands with a groveling Edward chasin' after you."

"Except I'm no longer chasin' her for anything." Edward stepped beside us smiling. "See you later, Kid." He ran his hand through JJ's hair and stalked toward his truck.

"You still coming to dinner at six? Rose is making meatloaf!" Emmett called after him.

"I'll be there!"

He always loved meatloaf. He would make a sandwich with meatloaf, mashed potatoes, and ketchup between two pieces of my homemade bread.

"Can we have meatloaf, Mama?" JJ asked.

I looked down at him so fast my neck cracked and stung.

This was the first time he forgot to add the _B._

* * *

 _Thank you so much Fran for helping me make this story flow so much better than I could do on my own and spending your time fixing my mistakes!_

 _Mistakes still shown are ALL mine!_

 _If you haven't yet, check out the group Pay it Forward on Facebook!_


	7. Burn the Bed

Shout out to Fran! She did an amazing job on this chapter for me.

* * *

I saw JJ and Bella arrive at the diner before I heard him bellow throughout the diner announcing his presence.

He climbed into the booth, sitting opposite me and launched right into a story, stealing my fries in the processes without hesitation.

"I was the only one to catch a fish, but we let it go 'cause it was time to leave since Jr and Elijah were peeing on each other." I choked back a laugh, knowing exactly what JJ was speaking of. They showed me that trick on the side of my barn one day when I offered to watch them while Rose brought the baby to a doctor appointment.

Rose left Bella and JJ stranded at my table. I had a feeling it was done purposefully because I watched her play on her phone and a few moments later, Emmett's cruiser pulled into the parking lot, and the two of them gave one another a look before she drove off with the boys. JJ demanded he get the same size steak I had instead of the child's portion and I was shocked when he polished off more than half of it and a quarter of his fries. I kept giving Bella sidelong glances, trying not to smirk when I caught her eyes quickly darting from mine when caught. I want to say I didn't do it to deliberately irk Bella, but that would be a lie. I wasn't trying to be malicious when I ordered JJ that strawberry shake, or maybe if I thought deeply about it, perhaps I was. I wouldn't deny the sense of satisfaction I felt when she stormed from the diner with said shake in one hand and JJ in her other. What I hadn't counted on was the pang in my chest when I joined them outside and saw the genuine hurt in her eyes. I could feel the moment the wounds from old memories overcame the both of us. I refused to let anyone know I was as affected as she was and said a quick goodbye and climbed into my truck, assuring Emmett I would be there for dinner that night as promised. Rosie's fried chicken and meatloaf dinners were ones I never missed, and she always made it a point to make extra.

Driving back to the ranch I passed Jasper driving in the opposite direction. I lifted my hand in greeting, but he didn't even look my way. I had been so focused on Bella being back and the strange hold JJ was beginning to have on me that I hadn't given my brother much though. Guilt overcame me, wishing I had the balls enough to turn around and apologize to him. Unfortunately, we were both stubborn, and an apology from either of us would be long awaited.

* * *

"Emmett and Elijah, if you don't use your silverware to eat your mashed potatoes instead of shoving your face into them you will be sent straight to bed!"

"That means no bath!" Jr exclaimed to his brother, a glob of potatoes falling off his chin and onto the placemat Emmett's mother had made as a wedding gift.

They high fived each other and ran from the room, stomping up the stairs and howling like wolves.

"Not the werewolf game again." Rose groaned, putting her elbows on the table and resting her head in her hands.

"Sorry about that," James muttered, blushing slightly.

As a kid, he was tall and gangly, braces and a pimple-covered face. It was well known that he had always had a crush on Rosalie. Emmett wasn't the jealous sort, he knew what he had and appreciated it, probably even enjoyed the envy from other men. My envy wasn't for Rose's beauty or sweetness… but rather for the relationship they had. Even now, the way they looked at each other… it took me a while to spend more than just a few minutes with them after Bella left, it had hurt too much.

Rose stood up to start cleaning off the table and James hurriedly offered to help.

"I like when he comes to dinner, gets me out of rinsing off the dishes. What's the point of having a dishwasher if your wife still makes you wash them first anyway?" Emmett asked.

We were sitting on the porch in the wooden rocking chairs he had made.

"You know he's in heaven right now, acts like a damn pup around Rosie."

"He's harmless." Emmett chuckled, taking a sip of his beer. "There's more in the fridge."

"I'm okay, you know I love Rosie's ice tea." I declined his offer.

He eyed me, nodding slowly.

"Stop. Bella and I are over... you and Rose need to remember that. She left me when I needed her the most. She took our love and drove over it as if it were nothing more than horse shit."

"You need to talk to her, figure out what happened; everyone makes mistakes, Edward."

"Mistakes are commonly made, I know this, some are worse than others. Bella's is unfixable, and now she has to deal with it just as I have for the last five years. I'm done Emmett, I can't go through that with her again."

"Your head is telling you you're done, but what about your heart? You think I haven't noticed the way you watch her when you think no one is looking? She does the same thing, you know. You two are magnets, drawn to each other's every move just the same as you were before."

"The past is the past. It's time to move forward."

"You've done a hell of a job at that, huh?" He asked, tipping back his beer.

"I'm gunna get going, early day and all."

"Edward-"

"Thanks again Emmett."

 _It had been a year since I buried my son. Almost as long as the_ _last time I saw Bella. Daddy knew where her car was found and where it had been last registered, I didn't want to know. I didn't want to know if she was ten minutes or six hours away. She left me, all her promises of love and a future together broken. She broke_ me. _I stopped going into town because I couldn't take the pitiful looks anymore, the whispers others thought I couldn't hear. Daddy forced me to church. Otherwise, I stayed on the ranch and occasionally met Emmett at the diner when he was convincing enough._

 _Emmett and Rose were getting married,_ _and I had kept my distance, unable to stand the nearness of her in such a state while so close to giving birth. That's what had me driving the five hours to Bella. Rose went into labor, and I couldn't stay, I had to get out of town and the only one I wanted was her, the only one I thought could understand was Bella._

 _I found the shop where her car was worked on according to the statement Daddy was able to discover. It was late, and the place was closed, but the owner's name was printed on the glass door, a phone number underneath. I tried dialing that first but found it was for the business, not a personal number._

" _Can I help you?"_

 _A tall man came walking around the corner of the building, eyeing me suspiciously._

" _Maybe. I was looking for Jacob Black."_

" _Shops closed. Come back in the morning." He stated and turned to walk away._

" _I'm an old friend of his. Unfortunately, I lost his address on my way. He's expecting my visit."_

" _Jake's lived in the same house his whole life." Narrowed eyes assessed me and must have found no danger because he cocked his head and waited for me to continue._

" _I've never actually been there…"_

" _You here to cause trouble?"_

" _Call him if you don't believe me." I challenged, hoping he wouldn't take me up on the offer."_

" _Turn around and take a right at the second stop sign. Only yellow house on the street."_

" _Thanks, man."_

" _I'll tell him you stopped by in case they aren't home." A subtle threat._

 _It took me three minutes and twenty-six seconds till I was parked outside his house. My headlights giving me a clear view of a car I helped pick out and the license plate I attached for her. There were four windows on the right side of the house, the left only a small porch and front door. Lights were on, and I saw shadows at first, then the side view of a crib was shown with Bella and a man leaning over it smiling. I quickly turned off my headlights and watched as he turned to her and led her from the room, my heart sinking into my stomach._

 _I came here to find her, but not this way. I thought Jacob Black might be able to tell me where I could find her, I never expected him to be the man who was keeping her from me. The light went out, a soft glow coming from the other two windows giving me a view of them together. His hands and lips touching what was mine, his body laying over hers without a protest coming from the lips that belonged to me. It was at that moment I realized she had not only run away but had also created another family. She had a son and man to take the place of our baby and me. We were no longer wanted, nor needed._

 _In a fit of rage, I turned my headlights back on and revved the engine. Once he jumped off her I tore through his yard, skidding my tires all over it, leaving nothing but muddy tracks behind me before turning around and going back down the road. I parked far enough away they wouldn't be able to see me, but I could see them with their porch light on. He came out first, Bella following soon after in nothing but a robe. He looked around the yard before speaking to Bella, his arms pulling her close and laying his head in the crook of her neck. I couldn't take it anymore and started my truck back up, the engine coming alive loudly and drove away as fast as I could._

 _For a few days, I just drove around aimlessly, no idea where I was or where I was going. It had almost been a week before I finally went back home, stopping at the bar before going back to the ranch to face my brother and father._

" _You're too young to be in here," Harry grumbled when I sat on the stool, going into the back and coming out with a twelve pack, and putting it in a paper sack. "Get out before McCarty catches us both."_

 _I nodded, and left, but not before catching sight of Jessica Stanley swaying her hips as she leaned over the jukebox._

" _Hey, Jess." I leaned against the side of it so she would have a clear view of my face, doing my best to smile no matter how much I hurt inside. "Wanna have a few drinks with me?" I asked._

" _Sure!" Her response enthusiastic, eyes sparkling with hope that would never be fulfilled. She was a means to an end. I wanted to forget._

 _We sat on my tailgate and polished off the box of beer, her drunker than I was. I asked her to come inside with me, and she was the one who pulled me to the house, pausing long enough for me to grab Daddy's booze and tilt my head back, taking deep swallows of the burning liquid. I gasped and sat the bottle down, stumbling after Jess as she ran up the stairs._

 _My head was pounding, the sun behind my eyelids making everything a bright orange color. I cracked them open and groaned as my stomach rolled. How much had I drunk last night? I couldn't remember anything after drinking Daddy's liquor. He was going to kill me. I groaned again and propped myself up on my elbows, and that's when I noticed what felt wrong._

 _There was someone beside me in bed._

 _I grabbed my jeans off the floor and basically stumbled into them as the night before came back to me in flashbacks._

 _I had slept with Jess._

 _The thought had me feeling even sicker, and I ran down the stairs and out of the house, hunching over and vomiting._

" _Edward?" Jessica was coming out of the house buttoning up her shirt, her shorts and boots already on._

" _Jess, I'm so sorry… this was a mistake."_

" _Was it really that bad?" She asked half in grimace and half in humor, motioning to my vomit._

" _It's not that-"_

" _It's Bella." She finished for me though I wasn't going to give her the honest answer. "I should have known better." She smiled gently with a shake of her head. 'You'll never be over that girl."_

 _She drove off in her car that she followed me home with last night._

 _As soon as she was gone, I heard the screen door open._

" _Bout time you came home." Daddy grumbled, leaning against the doorframe._

" _I'm sorry." I croaked._

" _You're making a mess of your life. A beer here and there is different than a six pack, or in this case more, every night."_

" _Daddy-"_

" _Your brother is getting real tired of making sure you make it to bed every night. You don't even want to know how often he gets up during the night to make sure you're still breathing."_

 _I had no words, I was ashamed. I had let my emotions rule over me this past year, grieving for everything I lost and not giving those I still had left a second thought._

 _It was time to stop._

 _Bella had moved on, and I needed to do the same._

My time here was usually quiet and uninterrupted, but I could hear the approaching sound of tires crunching on gravel. I thought perhaps it was Emmett, worrying needlessly about me; it would be just like him to do so. I stood and turned from where I had been talking to Daddy, hand still resting on the smaller stone the whole while.

It wasn't Emmett …

It was Bella.

"Why?" She stuttered, clutching her stomach, almost hunched over. "It hurts, Edward … so much!" She cried. "Why do you have to keep showing up, reminding me? Why did you have to order that damn shake for JJ? Do you know how much he liked that damn thing? All the while I could only wonder if _he_ would be the same, how badly I craved them, if _he_ would still demand a strawberry shake at the diner every Friday no matter how old he got." Tears were streaming down her face, her body shaking violently.

I didn't hesitate, taking long strides and grabbing her just as she turned away. I grabbed her shoulder and twirled her back around into my chest, clutching her as a lifeline as she cried.

"Say it, say his name." I pleaded, my voice hoarse with unshed emotion.

She refused to speak his name after we lost him; I had yet to hear it come from her lips. I wondered if she ever had.

"I can't. I pass here every night, trying to gain the courage to stop and see Papa C a-and-" Unable to finish her sentence.

I stayed silent, squeezing my eyes shut as I fought my own grief, clinging to her body, wondering if I would ever have the chance to hold her again.

"I'm sorry, so sorry." She finally whimpered, pulling away from me and running to her truck.

I started to protest and chase after her till I saw a sleeping JJ. I didn't want to wake him and scare him, and it almost hurt to know she came here where our boy was with one that didn't belong to me.


	8. Either way

**I know it's been a while, but here it is! I can't thank Fran enough for taking the time to fix my mistakes and making the words flow better, I'm lucky enough to have her beta this for you to enjoy!**

* * *

"Bella!" I moved my eyes to see a woman walking toward me at a quick pace while waving maddeningly. I was at the school playground watching JJ push a little girl on the swing set as she approached us wearing dangerously high heels.

"I've been waiting to catch sight of you. I'm surprised it took this long given how long you've been back."

I heard the subtle hint in her words. She was wondering why I hadn't sought her out to say hello.

"I'm sorry Alice..."

"It's okay," She put her hand up to stop me. "I get it, really I do. So how long are you staying?" She asked, sitting beside me on the bench.

"For good." I murmured, looking back at JJ who was now being given a turn on the swing while the little girl tried to push him. "At least that's the plan."

"Maybe he will be in my class next year… if plans don't change."

My heart lurched over the idea of not having JJ to keep me company the following year, ignoring the subtle change of tone in her voice with her last words.

"I'll miss having his feet under mine all day," I admitted with a small smile.

"Hey girls." Rose plopped down on the other side of Alice. "No pushing, Jr!" She yelled before slurping on her oversized slushy straw.

"I don't know if I will want to go back to work after I have the baby." Alice continued after rolling her eyes at Rosalie. "Jasper and I have talked about starting a family for years, but I wasn't ready. I didn't want to be that stereotypical girl who marries her high school sweetheart and pops out a dozen babies, letting herself go while keeping home like the good little lady she is. Oh, Rose, I didn't mean-"

"Hey, no offense. Besides, Bella got knocked up before I did." She shrugged a shoulder, sticking her tongue out at the back of Alice's head when she turned to look at me.

"You and Emmett had sex years before Edward and I did!" I protested.

"True, which I still don't understand. If Emmett and I were living under the same roof like you and Edward did growing up, we probably would have had four kids before graduation!" She winked, giving us a toothy smile, her teeth gleaming with the straw stuck between them.

"Bella, I'm so sorry!" Alice whined.

"Alice, it was years ago." I tried brushing her off knowing I wouldn't be able to do the same with the pain that still came.

"You don't understand." She cried, Rose handing her a tissue with widened eyes. "Jasper and I have _both_ wanted a baby for so long, but I had to put on a show. Say the things I did and act as I do because it was easier for Edward to hate me than for us to hurt him more by having to watch us start a family. After your baby ... we were too scared to even think about it for a long while, and then it seemed as though Edward was never going to get over it. Carlisle began asking us when we were going to start a family and I put the blame on myself to distract from Jasper. It was easier for Edward to dislike me than to see him so sad all the time."

" _I won't let you do this! You're not going to push me away!" Edward yelled at me, pacing at the side of the bed._

" _You're the one pushing_ me _away! Going out every night with your buddies, drinkin' while I lay in bed alone and cry for our son!"_

" _You won't even let me touch you, let alone hold you! What do you want from me? To sit on the floor quietly and just watch you cry? I'm hurting too, Bella! He wasn't just yours!"_

" _You have a funny way of showing it."_

"Bella?"

"It's not your fault, Alice. It's mine for leaving the way I did; leaving everyone else to deal with the mess I left behind."

"Emmett and I are going out dancing tonight; his mama is watching the boys. Why don't letJJ stay with her and come with us? You and Jasper should come too." She bumped a shoulder into Alice's.

"What, be a third wheel? I'll pass." I laughed.

"Bella, if you trust us, Jasper and I could watch JJ, it'll give us some practice." She smiled shyly. "Sorry Rose, I don't feel much for going out right now." She wrinkled her nose.

"Alice! You had me so side tracked I never even congratulated you!"

She smiled, her whole face glowing with pride and I didn't want to be the one to make it go away.

"Sure, why not. But I'm not riding with you, Rose, I draw the line on that argument you are already preparing to give! I want to be able to leave when I'm ready and not watch you slobber all over Emmett on the way home like you use to!"

"Be there at seven for a good parking spot."

"I'll see you there, Rose. Is six-thirty too early for you, Alice?"

"Not at all, thank you, Bella." Alice grabbed my hand and gave it a squeeze.

I finally pulled an angry JJ away from his friends, and he fell asleep as soon as we started the drive home.

"You have to listen to what they say, no arguments, okay?"

"You've already said so, Mama. Is he really Mister's brother?"

"Yup. Jasper, remember?"

"Such a funny name." He giggled.

"It's the one my mama gave me," Jasper said opening the door, smiling down at JJ.

JJ shrunk and hid behind my legs, staring up at Jasper.

"Hey, it's cool." Jasper squatted so he was eye-level with JJ. "Alice is making popcorn, wanna know what she adds?"

"What?" JJ asked, coming out from behind me a little bit at a time.

"Snowcaps."

"But there isn't any snow on the ground!" He argued making Jasper laugh.

"You'll have to come inside and see for yourself."

He looked up at me and back to Jasper before accepting his hand and walking into the house with him.

"He'll be fine," Jasper assured.

I watched his slipper-clad feet skid down the hall calling for Alice, who he was already fond of.

"I won't be too late."

"No big deal, he can even sleep over if you need him to." He winked.

"Jasper." I narrowed my eyes at his not so subtle hint.

He just laughed and waved me off as I pulled out of the drive.

The bar was already crowded, and it took me a few minutes to find Rose and Emmett, avoiding the people I remembered going to school with.

"I can't believe how busy it is!" I smiled, taking a seat across from Rose.

"Hey Bella, it's been a long time."

My smile faded, and I looked to my right to see Mike Newton sitting at the table. I whipped my head back to Rose, sending a murderous look.

"Mike just happened to be here, and Emmett asked him to join us. Mike just couldn't say no when he found out you were comin'." She sent me a half smile, half grimaces.

We both remembered how much I had to dodge him in high school, even after Edward beat him up once or twice.

I was on my third drink, nodding absently to whatever Mike was saying. So far, I have gathered he owns a travel office.

"It was always my dream to travel the world." He sighed into his glass.

"So where have you been?" I asked, trying to feign interest.

"Oh, nowhere yet. I don't want to close the shop in case someone needs help planning their own trip."

"Huh…" Was all my mind was able to spit out.

I looked out at the crowd, smiling at Emmett twirling Rose around the dance floor, Mike had already informed me he didn't dance.

"Well now, ain't this a sight."

I closed my eyes and groaned, almost positive the sound came out much louder than I intended. I grabbed Rose's still full drink and drained it before opening my eyes again to see Edward standing beside our table, an arm wrapped around Jessica Stanley's waist.

* * *

 **EPOV**

I knocked on Jasper's door, shoving my hands in my pockets, prepared for both angry words and angry fists.

"Edward." He looked surprised to see me, glancing over his shoulder quickly before stepping onto the porch and shutting the door behind him.

"Alice is pretty pissed, huh?" I asked as an explanation for not inviting me in.

"No. Actually, she was expecting your reaction."

"Listen, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said what I did."

'How'd that taste comin' out?" He asked.

"Like sour milk."

He laughed, unnoticing when the door started to open behind him.

"Jazz? Mister!" JJ squealed and ran out, grabbing my legs into a hug.

"What's JJ doing here?" I asked, absently ruffling the kid's hair.

"JJ? Oh, hi Edward! JJ, let's go inside and wait for Jasper to finish talking with Edward."

"Where's Bella?"

"She went out with Rosalie and Emmett," Alice revealed before moving out of sight.

"Edward."

"What?"

"Leave that girl alone. Right now you two are nothin' but fire and ice."

"Ain't that the best kind though?"

"That isn't funny. She doesn't need you continuously throwing the past in her face."

"You're right. I'll see you tomorrow, breakfast?"

"Sure, and you can tell me what a mistake whatever happens tonight was." He shook his head and went back inside as I jogged to my truck.

I spotted her right away, sitting with none other than Mike Newton. I remembered kicking his ass more than once for not leaving her alone in high school.

"Haven't seen you here in a long time!"

I felt a tug on my arm and looked down and saw Jess smiling up at me.

"How you been, sugar?" I smiled back, putting on the charm. "Why don't we get a drink together?"

"Edward, you better not be tryin' to play games with me."

"Don't you remember how great we were together?" I asked, pulling her close.

"I remember you using me, trying to get over Bella, and now you're using me again to make her jealous!"

I frowned and scrunched my brows trying to figure out how the hell she put all that together.

"I saw her walk in. You can buy me a drink and try all you want to get her attention, but be upfront with me."

"Sorry, sweetheart." I smiled softly, kissing the top of her head. "Come on, I owe you a drink."

Before I knew it, a beer turned into four, and I was standing beside Bella's table.

"Edward!" Emmett called out, slapping my back a bit harder than necessary. "What are you doing?" He hissed into my ear.

"Hey, E-Edward." Mike stuttered.

"Hey there, Mike!" Jess greeted excitedly, leaving my side to sit beside Mike.

I scowled, but grabbed two more chairs, sitting in one beside Bella while Rose tried not to grin like a lunatic and Emmett glanced around the table nervously.

We all drank a little more, but Emmett was there to stop me before I went overboard and I resented his care as much as I appreciated it. I didn't want to drink myself stupid, but I wanted to drink enough so I could ignore what I was feeling, and not exactly hate Bella.

My eyes barely left the tiny bit of cleavage that showed when she slouched over or reached for her glass.

"Dance with me?" I asked Bella.

"Why not." She hopped up and grabbed my hand, leading us to the dance floor.

Strawberry wine was playing, and she wrapped her arms around my neck, snuggling in close. She had no idea she was playing with fire; looking into her eyes and seeing the sparkle made me wonder if maybe she did.

"You're still so handsome." She was looking up at me as we swayed. "Not the same as my Edward though."

"And you aren't my Bella."

"I wonder if your lips are still soft." She mumbled, her eyes focused on said lips.

"Nothing about me is soft," I growled.

Pulling on her hand, I led us to a dark hall, pushing her back against the wall, placing my hands on her ass, I lifted her up, and she wrapped her legs around my waist.

"Kiss me, Edward." She demanded right before I crashed my lips to hers.

We kissed wildly, passionately, almost menacingly. It was everything we felt ... anger, need, bitterness, desire. The pull that had always been there was still present, unfortunately so were the hurt feelings.

"I don't know if I can forgive you," I growled, pressing her between the wall and my body.

"I'm not asking you to."

"Shit … Jasper was right."

"About what?"

"Don't worry about it, wanna get out of here?"

She grinned, letting me lead her out of the bar and to my truck.

Later that night I was watching her bare back sparkle from the moonlight shining through her window, a sheet draped over her waist, her brown curls covering half her face. It had been so natural to drive to the cabin, no longer our home, but hers. I quietly slipped out of bed and dressed, leaving the night behind me as I drove to my empty house. I sat in the truck and stared at it, so dark and cold, knowing she wasn't in her childhood bedroom or mine. She was fast asleep in the same bed we had slept together in years before.

* * *

 _I left Bella crying, storming out of the house. I was so sick of being yelled at, not knowing the right things to say. If I stayed, she wanted me to go, if I went, she yelled because I wasn't there for her. I was hurting too, she wasn't concerned for anyone's grief but her own._

 _Emmett was waiting for me with a twelve pack, and I sat on his tailgate, letting out all my shit, unashamed of the tears that dripped down my face, eight beers later._

" _I can't understand your situation, but I know you will get through it together. Your love is everlasting and can endure anything."_

 _He drove me back, admittedly the more sober one, and I entered the dark cabin, lifting a hand in goodbye as he drove off._

" _Bella?"_

 _There was no response, the whole house seemed eerily quiet, and something in my gut turned beside the beer. A feeling of dread washing over me._

" _Bella!" I screamed this time, running into our bedroom. I turned on the light, revealing an empty bed. I fell onto it, my tears soaking her pillow. Minutes later, turning my head, my eyes caught sight of something._

 _Her engagement ring._

 _It was resting in its open box on the nightstand. It was then I knew she had run away, leaving me behind with nothing but a shiny rock and her scent on the pillow._

 _All our dreams, all our plans were ripped away from me. Everything I had ever hoped for and wanted ... gone._

 _I lost my baby in a matter of hours after six months of excitement._

 _But it only took one short argument to lose someone I had loved my entire life._

* * *

 **I want to thank you all for your patience and kind reviews! Hopefully it wont be so long next time, I already have an idea of what I want to happen next, just need to make my fingers type what my mind is saying ;) You probably have already realized chapter titles are songs.. Chris Stapleton will probably have the most, no contest.. that man's voice *sigh***


	9. Vice

**Once more, Fran amazes me with her talent!**

* * *

"What the hell were you thinking?"

"I can't explain it… I saw her with Mike and-" I just shrugged and took a long swallow of my coffee, relishing the heat and slight burn on my tongue.

"So, over some sort of pissing match with Mike fucking Newton, you sleep with Bella to mark your territory? How do you think she's gonna feel when she sees you, and you ignore her or treat her like crap the way you've been doing, pretending last night never happened?"

"You've been taking her side ever since she came back into town." Pointing an accusing finger at him.

" _What_ side, Edward? Last I checked there weren't any and we were all adults, not five year olds drawing a line in the sand, declaring who owns what part of the sandbox."

"You always did give her the biggest piece of pie after dinner," I muttered, sitting back in the booth.

"My point is, I'm trying to be mature about this." Glaring at me over my interruption. "Christ, you were nineteen years old. Have you even sat down and had a real conversation with her? Have you both ever hashed out your issues, talked about why she left or where she's been? And what about JJ?"

"What about him?"

"Is he even her kid?"

"Course, he is. Why else would she have him if he wasn't hers?"

"The timing doesn't add up, haven't you thought about this?"

"What are you goin' on about now, Jasper?"

"She left five years ago. JJ is five."

"And your point is…?" I asked, waving a hand, motioning for him to get on with it.

"When would she have had the time to get pregnant and then carry a child for nine months? She would have had to have been pregnant when she left, and that isn't possible either."

"The kid sure as hell ain't mine, you've seen him with your own two eyes."

"Dear Lord, you are as dense as Alice's bread. Of course, he isn't your kid! He isn't-"

Before he could finish, my face was doused with cold water, stinging my eyes and making me gasp in shock and the loss of air.

"You dirty, rotten, disgusting-"

I knew that voice. Opening my eyes, I see Bella screaming at me, while simultaneously getting to my feet and stepping angrily toward her.

"Take it outside, you got everyone's eyes on you and JJ is in the back with Rose. He's bound to hear everything if you keep it up!" Jasper got in between us, pushing hard enough for me to take one step back.

"I have nothing else to say." Bella spit out, turning and marching toward the back of the restaurant.

"What's the matter, Bella? You can dish it out but can't eat it?"

"What are you talking about?" She spun around, crossing her arms.

"Leaving is easy but being left is a hell of a lot harder, ain't it?" I smiled cruelly at her. "Unlike you, I have you no pretenses, I broke no promises. It was nothing but a means to an end."

"Unlike you, I've never stopped caring!" She screamed, shocking not just me, but herself. Her eyes were wide as she slowly looked around the diner, taking in all the ones that were focused on us as if we were a sideshow act.

How could she ever think I would be able to move on with her back in town? Too many people were involved, too many people knew our story. There were too many broken pieces that couldn't be fixed, leaving no room for hope. What happened last night was nothing but a mistake on both our parts and this scene just proved it. We were angry and hurt, and I didn't see any forgiveness being given by either party. I just wish I knew what the hell it was I did to have to ask for it.

"Don't lie to yourself, you stopped caring the second you walked out the front door without looking back. You never tried to contact me or Daddy or anyone else to let us know you were okay or why you left… when you would be back. Congratulations Bella, you did a fantastic job showing all of us exactly how much you cared. Even if you hated me, what about Rose, who was supposedly your best friend, and Emmett? Jasper and Alice? Daddy, who took you in as his own, loved you like a daughter? Does anyone matter, are any hearts safe around you?"

Her eyes were glassy, looking around the room. Emmett was standing in the doorway of the diner, Alice beside Rose near the back who held a startled JJ, Jasper looking down at his feet.

"Come on, JJ." She choked out, walking to Rose who handed him over, unwilling to meet Bella's eyes.

Emmett held the door for her, giving a silent nod as she left, JJ looking back at me with confusion and a nervous wave. I was so ashamed for acting like that in front of him I couldn't even raise my arm to return it. Once they were out if sight, I noticed everyone was still staring at me.

"What are you looking at? I bellowed, shoving a table and chair out of my way, the condiments on top tumbling to the floor as I stormed out of the diner.

* * *

 **BPOV**

"Did Mister spill his water on himself, was that why he was so wet? Were you mad at him for making a mess, was that why you were fighting?"

"No JJ, just grown up stuff. Edward made me mad, and I said some mean things. I'm sorry you had to see that."

"Shouldn't you tell Mister you're sorry? Then we can all be friends again."

I wanted to assure him that no matter what happened between Edward and me, he would always be friends with him, but that I couldn't be. I didn't know what was going on inside of Edward's head. There was a time I knew his every thought just by a look, but now, he was nothing but a stranger.

That realization reminded me of how Rose was unable to look at Emmett and me silently standing there instead of intruding like she usually did. Even Jasper, the ever sensible one, had nothing to say after Edward's rant. They've put on a good show, but today their faces and silence told me they weren't over it. Maybe Edward was right, perhaps coming here was nothing but a mistake. I could sell him my portion of the ranch and start over somewhere fresh; a place that had no memories haunting JJ or me.

A place where there was no Edward or Jacob.

I glanced in the rearview mirror and looked at JJ. He was so young, and already he had lost his father and been abandoned by his mother. I was all he had. He had to watch the man he loved more than anything change into someone he didn't know until eventually passing away and leaving him forever. Then his short life was uplifted when I moved him from the only home he had ever known to here. Did I really want to make him move again, now that he was comfortable, had some friends and a few adults he trusted besides me?

"I'll talk to Edward and let him know he should still be friends with you even if he's mad at me, okay?"

"He should be friends with you, too." He frowned out the window.

* * *

" _You should call, Bella. It's been a year."_

" _I'm sure they've forgotten about me by now."_

" _I bet they're worried sick about you still. You've already waited too long."_

" _He probably hates me."_

" _Maybe, but you should at least give him the opportunity to forgive you or tell you to stay away, leaving without any sort of contact has been cruel. I've been trying to tell you this since you moved in."_

 _He walked out of my bedroom, phone feeling hot in my hand. I sucked in a deep breath and dialed the cabin. It rang without being answered, as did his cell. My third attempt was the main house line._

" _Hello?" Someone answered this time, but I wasn't sure what to make of it. "Hello?" Another drunken giggle called out a little louder._

" _Yeah, um, sorry. Is Edward there?"_

" _He's a little occupied at the moment." She said in another string of squeals and giggles. "Can I take a message."_

" _Hang up the dang phone."_

 _Edward._

" _No, that's okay. Sorry to have bothered you._

" _Bye." She laughed and hung up before I could say another word._

 _Whoever it was, she was with Edward. At this very moment, he had someone in his bed. Jake knocked on my door._

" _Everything okay? Did you call?"_

" _He's moved on," I whispered still shell-shocked. "I'm alone."_

" _You have me and JJ, how can you say you're alone?" He asked gently, sitting beside me on the bed._

" _It's not the same. We tried, we'll never be more than friends, and now I've lost Edward for good. I knew it was wrong to leave the way I did, but with each passing day, I grew more scared to go back. Now it's too late. I've never stopped loving him, I don't think I ever will."_

" _I know the feeling, kid."_

 _Jacob sighed, wrapping an arm around my shoulders and pulling me to his side, allowing my tears to wet his shirt._

 _Six months later, Jacob started to forget things and had to keep a notebook with him because he was unable to remember everything. We had no idea it was the beginning of something so tragic._

* * *

JJ had been asleep for almost an hour, and I was on the porch swing with a glass of wine, reading a book and letting the peace surround me. The bugs buzzed and the crickets chirped, a breeze rustled the trees and the sky was clear and starry. I didn't hear the truck approaching or parking in the drive, I didn't hear the door shut or the boots crunching against rock till the swing jolted. I looked up and found Edward hovering above me, the swing's chain in a fist.

"What are you doing here?" I gasped, swinging my feet to the porch and sitting up.

"Jasper asked me to bring some toys JJ forgot at their house since you were on my way home and all."

He dropped a bag beside me and turned to leave.

"Wait," I called out before he could take a step. "Would you like a glass of wine?"

"Nah, I'm good."

"A glass of tea then? I just made a fresh jug of it this afternoon."

"You know I can't say no to your tea." He crinkled his brow and frowned, probably trying to figure out what I was about.

I poured him a glass and added the amount of sugar I knew he liked, checking on JJ before going back out to the porch. Edward was on one end of the swing, and I handed him the glass, sitting on the other end.

"Say what you have to say, Bella."

"I'm sorry about this morning. I shouldn't have caused a scene like I did and I shouldn't have thrown water on you or called you names." I rushed out, unable to look at him.

"Is Isabella Swan actually apologizing?" He snorted, taking a sip of his tea and tilting his head back to look at the sky above us.

"I tried calling you know."

"What?" He asked, once again looking at me with confusion.

"About a year after I left, I tried to call you."

"I moved out of the cabin by that time." He mumbled, looking down at his glass.

"I know. I tried here first, then your cell. Then the main house."

"I was never told you called."

"I don't know who answered."

"Bella, there were only two other options if it wasn't me."

"It was a girl. She was laughing when she answered the phone, and you told her to hang up."

His head snapped back and looked at me, his expression hard.

"I see."

"I didn't leave a message, I got the hint … it was quite clear."

"Huh." Was all he said, pushing with his feet to rock the swing slowly. "Since we're being honest and all, I did go after you. 'Bout the same time, too, a year or so after you left."

"You did?" I gasped.

"Yup. Found you, too."

"How? Why didn't you come to me?"

"Daddy knew all along where your car got towed to and where you registered it after that. I found the paperwork he had on you and followed the address to a garage. It was closed, but I convinced one of the workers who was still there to give me an address."

"What stopped you?" I asked when he paused.

"I saw you. I drove to the house, the lights were on, and I saw you and JJ's father together."

"Jacob."

"I didn't ask for his name." He snapped.

"What the hell was that about? What'd he ever do to you?"

"Sleeping with my girl isn't bad enough, but I gotta watch you raise his kid, too? I don't care what his name was, he got everything that was supposed to be mine."

"You don't know what you're talking about. Jacob and I-"

"I get it, Bella! The kid inside the house tells me everything I need to know."

"You need to be a little clearer because I don't know where JJ comes into play with our issues."

"How much clearer can it be? You come back to town after all this time with your kid in tow and honestly think I'm going to be okay with it?"

"Wait… you think JJ's my son?"

"Isn't he?" Looking at me with exasperation.

"Biologically, no. I'm his guardian, Edward. He is Jacob's son from a previous relationship. Didn't you even think about his age? He's the same age as-as …"

"Just say it, Bella!"

"JJ was a baby when I first met him." I ignored his demand. "His father, Jacob, owned the mechanic shop you went to. A tire blew out, the spare you put on, actually, and because of that, I didn't have a spare to replace it with. Jacob saw me waving him down and asked if I needed a ride. I started working in his shop, he offered me a room in his home, and we raised JJ side by side. "

"How? If being here was so hard after losing our son, how could you be around another baby? Why didn't you just come home?"

"The more days that passed, the more scared I was. I was afraid you would tell me to turn around and go right back where I came from. I was a coward. I left like a coward and stayed away because I was one. I don't expect your forgiveness, I never did. Jacob died, and I got a letter about Papa C leaving me the cabin. I thought a new start for JJ was a good idea, since he had grown so withdrawn after Jacob passed. He's flourished here, Edward. He's made friends with Rose's boys and adores you. If you want us to go, I understand. I'll sell you my portion of the ranch and move on-"

"Don't you dare take the easy way out another time!" He interrupted me, voice booming and pointing an accusing finger at me. "You did that to me, but you can't do that to JJ!"

"Edward, I-"

"Stop, just stop talking." He growled and rubbed at his face in frustration. "I've heard enough tonight, I can't process anything else. Just don't pick up and leave again, not for me, but for JJ's sake."

"I wasn't going to just leave again! I'm sitting here talkin' to you, aren't I?"

"Too bad you didn't do that before you took off five years ago!"

"How long are you going to be angry with me? How long will you throw that back at me?"

"Look, last night was a mistake. We shouldn't have let it get that far. Tell JJ he can ride his bike to the house tomorrow if he wants."

"Maybe we shouldn't have, but it's not a mistake to me," I told his back.

He stiffened for a brief pause before continuing his way down the porch.

Still swinging, I watched in silence as his taillights disappeared from sight.


	10. A Fire I Can't Put Out

I chuckled, watching the trail of dust that followed JJ's back tire as his legs pedaled as fast as they could. I also noted his training wheels hardly touched the ground as he rode.

"Hey, Mister!"

"Hey there, JJ. Does your mama know you're here this time?"

"Yup! She said that it was okay for me to come over. Whatcha doing?"

"I'm getting ready to clean out the stalls. You wanna help?"

"Yeah!" He hopped off his bike and ran ahead of me into the barn. "Whoa, they sure are tall." He observed timidly.

There were only two left in their stalls, the others were in the pasture.

"Those two have a new home. After the stalls are cleaned, we need to give them a bath, make sure their shoes are nice and clean, and brush them." I opened the closet and took out a pair of gloves and a small shovel Jasper and I used as children. "Put these on, and I'll show you what to do." I handed him the gloves and was attempting to help him while he stuck two fingers into one hole when I heard tires stopping in the drive. "Be right back, Kid."

I walked out of the barn to find Bella standing awkwardly in the driveway, looking at the house with a forlorn expression.

"Looking for JJ?' I called.

"Just wanted to make sure he made it safely."

"It's just a long driveway."

"I wanted to make sure it was okay that he came to visit, too."

"He's about to help me clean stalls."

"Well, okay then. Just give me a call when he rides home or if I need to come get him."

I hesitated only briefly before calling back out to her.

"We could always use an extra pair of hands."

"Yeah, Mama! There are a lot of stalls in here!" JJ stuck his head out from behind me...I had no idea he was even there.

I saw the conflict in her eyes, but she finally decided on an answer and nodded, her head, shoving her hands in her back pockets and walking toward us.

"It's been a while, but I'm sure I can handle it." Giving a small smile, she entered the barn and grabbed a shovel that was hanging on the wall.

"Gloves are in the closet."

"I did live here once, you know." She retorts, bending to help JJ with his.

"I was gonna do that." I frowned.

"It's okay, I'm used to it."

She had him fixed in no time and was putting her gloves on, giving me a questioning look when I just stood there staring.

"Go on with Edward, I'll start on the other end." She told JJ, swatting his bottom playfully and walking to the last stall in the barn.

I watched her effortlessly put her first shovel full into the waiting wheelbarrow, reminding me of the competitions we had as kids, seeing who could finish a row first. Jasper loved it because he was the judge; the one who made sure they were clean and who finished first- allowing him to get out of doing the chore itself.

"Mister, aren't you gonna show me?"

"'Course I'm going to show you!" I assured him, going into the first stall and using my own shovel. "Just do what I do.

Bella and I met in the middle of the barn, JJ asleep in the fourth stall where he passed out in the clean hay we just laid.

"I guess the bath can wait, I promised JJ he could help me." I lifted my chin to the horses.

"He'll love that." She glanced at her wrist watch. "I should probably get home and start dinner."

"You could always stay here." I blurted out without thinking, closing my eyes and cussing silently. "You don't have to or anything.

"Are you sure?"

"There are steaks in the fridge, fresh from the butcher. I hadn't a chance to freeze any, so they're ready to cook."

"I guess I could make a salad or something, whatever you have lying around, to go with them while you grill."

"You remember the way, I'm sure."

"I think I can manage." She laughed. "What about JJ?"

"I'll carry him to the couch. We can have an early dinner and bathe the horses afterward. They are scheduled to be picked up around six."

She nodded and looked down at her boots, walking off without another word. I turned and watched her enter the house, the screen door slapping behind her, before washing my hands and lifting JJ over my shoulder. I followed her path, ignoring her presence in the kitchen as I walked through and entered the living room, placing JJ on the sofa and covering him with a blanket.

"Do you mind if I take a shower before cooking?"

"I was going to do the same thing." I shrugged. "Your room is just as it was," I added, walking down the hall to use the main floor shower.

I ignored thoughts of her showering in the bathroom above me, the same one we shared as kids and quickly soaped and rinsed. Wrapping the towel around my waist after drying off, I took the stairs two at a time to my bedroom to dress.

"Hey."

I turned around as I pulled a shirt down over my head and chest, finding Bella leaning against the door frame. Her wet hair was loosely braided, and she was wearing clothes that I knew were left here when we moved out to the cabin. She insisted that she had to leave some clothes in the closet and dresser so Papa C would know we weren't really leaving him and that we would always be around.

"They still fit," I smirked, running my fingers through my hair instead of using a comb.

"I'm surprised they're still here."

I didn't tell her I never went into her bedroom and that Daddy always mumbled 'she'd be back' when I told him to throw it all away. Her smile wavered as she looked around the room, shoving her hands into her back pockets nervously.

"What are we doing, Edward?"

"Talking?"

"I mean this," she motioned between us, "since I've been back you haven't been able to stand to be in my presence. Besides the one night spent together, we've been at each other's throats; nasty words spewing out of our mouths, throwing daggers at one another with our eyes."

"I know this isn't easy." I huffed and rubbed at my face with my palms, sitting on the edge of the bed. "I think we need to try. Today wasn't so bad, was it? We were able to be in the barn together and communicate without an issue. We're talking now, we could make this work."

"Make what work?"

"We could be friends or something of the sort." I shrugged. "Hell, I don't know, Bella… I do know I enjoy having JJ underfoot. If he and I are going to continue any sort of relationship, then we need to have one too."

"You'd do that for JJ?" Her eyes full of surprise.

"Kids are smart, they pick up on other people's feelings. I don't want him to sense any bitterness between us."

"So, it's all for JJ?"

I looked up at her, searching her face for some hidden meaning, my heart beating hard in my chest.

"I'm doing it for me too." I sighed. "I can't hate you; I can't pretend to anymore. I don't want to hurt anymore, and I don't want to hurt you any longer either. I know we both need to heal, find a path that will take us on that journey, and I'm hopeful we will. Till then, we need to at least be civil and work on being a positive influence for JJ. Can you do that?" Holding my breath as I waited for her response.

"I can do that." She said quietly after a brief pause.

"Mama?" JJ called from down stairs. "Edward?"

"I'll start the grill. There's fresh corn on the cob in the vegetable drawer, Rose's uncle brought a bunch by to can and I saved a few.

"Sounds good." She smiled slightly, eyeing me for a moment before turning and going down the stairs.

I sat on my bed and stared at the space Bella previously occupied, wondering where the hell the words came from that I just spewed. I couldn't deny the slight shift in me; that a small amount of weight that had been lifted.

It had taken awhile, but I now realized I needed Bella in my life, in whatever way she would allow.

* * *

 **A HUGE thank you to Fran for being patient with me and fixing my new chapters despite how long it has taken me! She is marvelous! Trust me… between the kids being home for summer and many things going on it was hard to focus on what I was writing so there were many errors and she some work to do. Sorry it took so long to update!**

 **Love thy Enemy has been nominated on Twifanficrecs for top ten of July!**

 **Also, some very exciting news! Pay it Forward will be featuring three fics in three different categories on their new blog each month. Number one will be a Rookie ... A new, first-time writer showcasing their first fic on their blog. Number two will be their Encore ... A new fic from a seasoned author giving us a sneak peek. Number three will be a Classic ... one from the vault, a time-tested oldie.**  
 **If you are a Rookie and need help, contact Fran on the PIF page, or myself. And if you have an Encore, contact her to get your new fic showcased. And anyone interesting in writing a summary on one of their favs, please feel free to send it in. Thanks!**


	11. I want us back

**Once more, a hu** **ge shout out to Fran! All mistakes are mine, especially the last paragraph which she didn't edit because I changed my mind about ten times of how I wanted to end the chapter after sending her the first version to edit for me.**

* * *

The kitchen was the same pale yellow, though now it had the brown tinge of age added to the color. The cabinets were a gray white, and the appliances were old, but they suited their purpose. I added salt to the boiling water as I looked out the window, watching Edward at the grill, JJ and Jimmy washing the horses as promised. He would be soaked and dirty, but it wasn't the first time he had eaten dinner before he had a bath.

He wasn't the least bit scared when he woke in a strange place and when I walked in, he was looking around the living room.

"Mama, who is in that picture with you and Mister?" He asked, pointing to a framed picture sitting atop the fireplace mantle.

"That's Edward's daddy, Carlisle, and you remember Jasper."

"He used to have long hair?" He giggled.

I laughed with him, remembering Jasper's grunge look.

Edward came down the stairs just as James knocked on the door and asked if he should bathe the horses. JJ jumped up with excitement and followed him without a second thought when Edward told them to go for it, and invited James to dinner. He looked between the two of us curiously but declined, claiming to have a 'big date.'

Edward turned toward the window and gave me a thumb up, so I put the cleaned cobs into the water and turned the burner on to cook the string beans I found in the small garden behind the house. Even though it was overgrown with weeds, a few beans and tomatoes persisted through the mess.

Edward's eyes went from the steak he was grilling to JJ, ever watchful of what my five-year-old was doing as if he were just as responsible for him as I was.

I wanted to feel relieved that we agreed to be civil for JJ because he needed it, he was falling in love with Edward, but there was confusion inside me. I wasn't sure what Edward and I were, where we stood, what he wanted from me. Did he want me around with JJ or did he want the freedom to spend time with JJ without me? Did he truly want a friendship or just a relationship that didn't include spiteful words or actions ... acquaintances even?

Being in the house again, standing over the same stove, using the same pan and utensils, felt surreal. It was almost as if the past five years hadn't happened. The ultrasound picture that was blurred around the edges and held to the fridge with a magnet, told me otherwise. Papa C's unworn hat hanging on the same peg he always used by the door made my heart hurt. I wiped the few tears that escaped away when I noticed Edward motioning to JJ and walking to the house together.

"Go wash up while your Ma and I make your plate," Edward told him, JJ running off to do his bidding without the fuss I usually got over the use of water and soap.

Edward took a plate out of the cupboard and proceeded to cut up one of the steaks.

"Still like yours medium rare?" He asked without looking up from his task.

"Yes, thank you. I found some mushrooms in the fridge, so I fried them up with some onions the way you use to like."

"Thanks." He mumbled, glancing up at me and back down to the job at hand in a matter of seconds.

It was awkward.

We were trying, but neither of us really knew how to act around each other anymore. We had always been Edward and Bella, a unit. How were we supposed to be together, without _being_ together? I assumed we would simply learn as we go, hopefully without the hurt in our hearts ruining any progress we made. We could pretend, but it was still there, and we needed to hash it out if we were really going to move on with our lives. I had JJ, and he kept me occupied, but that just meant I didn't have as much time as Edward did to sit and stew or think of the what if's. If we weren't careful, we would allow our anger to take control again. We were walking a fine line.

"You put the bacon in?" Edward asked, leaning over my shoulder and snatching a bean from the pan and popping it into his mouth before I could swat his hand.

"Stop that!" I scolded. "And no."

"Beans without bacon fat is a damn sin." He scowled, sucking on his thumb.

"You don't seem to mind the butter I put on them instead." I raised my brow and handed him a paper towel.

"All clean!" JJ came running in.

"Let me see those hands." Edward demand and JJ held them out, palms up. "Awesome job." Edward praised and slapped them with his own before setting the plate on the table in front of the chair JJ slid into after I buttered and salted his corn.

"You and Jimmy get those horses ready?" Edward asked after a bite of steak.

"Yes, sir." JJ rounded his eyes and nodded deeply.

The rest of the meal was made of small talk, mostly JJ letting Edward in on his and the twins antics. I could see the heaviness in his eyes by the time dinner was over, and the last dish washed.

"Do you want to come over after I put JJ into bed? We should probably talk…"

"Sure." His eyes boring into mine.

"Thanks for spending the day with him and for feeding us dinner."

"It was nice." He nodded, removing his eyes from mine this time. "The buyers are gonna be here in half an hour, I'll come by after they leave?"

"Sounds good." I agreed and opened the truck door for Edward who carried a sleepy JJ out.

"Bye, Mister."

"See ya, kid."

Edward raised his hand briefly as I turned the truck around and went into the house as we drove back to the cabin. JJ put up little argument when I told him he needed a bath, ready for it to be over, so he could get into bed. He was asleep before I even finished the story he chose. I changed into sweat pants and a t-shirt and was pouring a glass of wine when I heard Edward's truck stop in the driveway.

"Wine?" I asked, walking out to greet him.

"Beer?" He asked with a smirk.

I came back out with one in a koozie and sat beside him on the porch swing, handing it to him.

"Thanks." He said quietly, accepting the bottle from me. "What did you want to talk about?"

"I shouldn't have left the way I did. I didn't realize it at the time, but I was slipping into a depression and instead of letting you help me, I ran away from my issues." I spoke low and quickly, wanting to get it out before I was interrupted.

" _I saw the same signs in JJ's mother. I won't let it consume you like it did her. She left her baby. You need to talk to someone, even if it's just me." Jacob urged, squeezing my hands in his. "Talk to me Bella, let me in."_

"We were young, but that's no excuse. When we lost him, I couldn't foresee a light at the end of the tunnel; I saw no hope in our future. I wanted you, yet I pushed you away at the same time. I wanted you to cry with me, but when you did, I was angry that you weren't strong enough for the both of us. When you stood brave, I was angry you weren't grieving the same as I was. Of course, I know there is no wrong or right way to grieve and that you weren't to blame for how I was feeling."

"I should have-"

"You shouldn't have done anything different, Edward. He was your son too, and I failed to grasp that concept. Instead, I allowed our loss to make me bitter. I didn't realize what I was doing till almost a year after I left, a month or so before I finally called home. Jacob helped me see the error of my thinking."

"I should have been the one to help you!" He exploded suddenly, startling me.

"I know, and I should have let you when you tried instead of pushing you away."

"I let you push me away, used it as an excuse to leave and drink with Emmett or Jasper. I shouldn't have let you, I should have been stronger, been what you needed."

"Edward, your whole life, you've been what I needed. This time we both needed someone."

"Why him? Why couldn't _I_ help you?" He asked quietly, still not looking at me.

"I don't know. I think maybe because Jake wasn't part of our situation, he didn't know us. He was an outsider and could give feedback without choosing a side or already forming an opinion based on who we were. I was scared, I hurt, and I felt like the only thing I had control of was whether I stayed or left. I felt out of control. You, Rose, Papa C, Emmett, Jasper, and Jimmy… everyone kept checking on me; looking at me as if I might morph into some bizarre creature. I couldn't take it, and I didn't know at the time how to voice my feelings."

"I was feeling everything you felt." Edward's voice croaked. "I'd go work at the ranch and Daddy, he and Jimmy would give me sideway glances before looking at each other, watching me as if I were something to be observed and examined. They'd constantly questioned how I was feeling, how you were doing, if I was sure I was ready to be working… I had to deal with the looks by myself when you refused to attend the funeral; the questioning glances and whispers behind their hands while their eyes judged. Every busy body from one edge of town to the other talkin' 'bout what a shame it was his mother wasn't there, sayin' I wasn't emotionally supportive."

"Oh, Edward… why didn't you talk to me about this before?"

"Would it have done any good?"

"Probably not," I admitted. "I wasn't in a position to listen and understand then."

"You walked out on me … On us. I know he wasn't planned, but I loved him as soon as you told me you were pregnant. I wanted him; I wanted the family we were supposed to be. Now you won't even say his name." He got up from the swing, his back facing me as he leaned against the porch railing. "You were my everything, and you left it all behind as if none of it mattered; me, Papa … him."

"Seth," I whispered, causing him to turn around slowly, unshed tears making his eyes simmer. "I wanted us too. I wanted you, Edward, and I wanted Seth. I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry I hurt you."

He let out a quiet breath and stepped forward as I held mine, cupping my face in his hands and staring intently into my eyes.

"I never hated you." He whispered, shaking his head slowly. "No matter what I might have said or done, I couldn't hate you. I wanted to, but couldn't. You were the love of my life, and I don't know if that has ever changed."

"I never even tried to hate you, Edward. I've hated myself enough for the both of us."

We looked at each other silently for a long while, neither of us willing to let go of the warm body of the other felt. His hands gripped my waist and mine rested on his shoulders. I don't know how much time passed, how many times I thought he might kiss me while his eyes darted between my eyes and lips.

"I should go." The first to speak. "I don't want to mess this up."

"You aren't messing anything up." I protested.

"It wouldn't be hard to accomplish right now, Bella. We're walking on thin ice. Tonight, was good for the both of us I think."

"What now?"

"We wait and see?" He shrugged, unsure of the answer himself. "Goodnight." He whispered.

I held my breath when he leaned in, eyes closed when I felt his warm lips press against my forehead before he stepped back and out of my reach.

"Goodnight." He said.

I didn't open my eyes till his truck was almost out of sight.

* * *

 **Pay it Forward will be featuring three fics in three different categories on their new blog each month. Number one will be a Rookie ... A new, first-time writer showcasing their first fic on the blog. Number two will be a Encore ... A new fic from a seasoned author giving us a sneak peek. Number three will be a Classic ... one from the vault, a time-tested oldie.**  
 **If you are a Rookie and need help, contact Fran on the PIF page, or myself. And if you have an Encore, contact her to get your new fic showcased. And anyone interesting in writing a summary on one of their favs, please feel free to send it in**.


	12. Young Love

**_I don't even know where to begin thanking Fran! For her patience with me and willingness to fix all my errors and make this a better story! Also for my readers who have stuck with me._**

* * *

"Move forward two purples…" I laughed at JJ who made a face because he was forced to move his piece on the game board down a rainbow, causing him to fall into last place.

The breeze was steady and strong, making the oppressive heat feel not so unwelcomed, even if we had to put a rock on top of our cards to prevent them from blowing away. We packed a bag with sandwiches, bottled water, a blanket, and a bag of cookies. When the screen door slapped behind us, JJ had run back inside and grabbed the board game as a last thought.

I promised to show him where Edward and I used to have picnics and chose today to task the short hike to the soft grassy hill with the small flat area just big enough for a blanket and a few bodies. Edward and I had taken advantage of the tall wheat grass, the feathered tops brushing our bare asses more than once. Of course, I left that part out of my story the night before and saved them to think about while lying in bed trying to fall asleep.

"I won!" I yelled, standing up to do a victory dance.

My fists were pumping and booty shaking in the air when I heard the soft chuckle that could only belong to one person.

"You never were a good sport." Edward's lopsided grin met my eyes as I peered behind me.

"What are you doing here?" I asked in surprise, quickly straightening myself.

"Mister! Did you come for a picnic too? Momma said you and her would come here when you were little."

"I thought you two might like to share my lunch with me. Rosie made me a basket of fried chicken and bowl of potato salad. When I went to the cabin, I saw the grass had been traipsed on, and the footprints were headed in this direction."

"She made all that for you?" I asked suspiciously, looking into the basket he had sat on the edge of the blanket while I swiped the game pieces into the box and JJ folded the board.

"I may have mentioned our dinner the other night to Emmett who then relayed the information to Rosalie. I was handed the basket with a careful eye and a suggestion of _'just in case I wanted to share.'"_

"I see." I chuckled quietly, Rosalie's nosey nature hadn't changed a bit. Still intervening when she thought it necessary. Though, I wasn't sure what she was trying to accomplish by throwing Edward and me together. We had each told both her and Emmett repeatedly there was nothing between us and we both had JJ's best interest at heart.

Edward spooned a helping of potatoes onto a paper plate for JJ as he got his own piece of chicken, giggling as he told Edward a tale, making Edward laugh softly with him. I sat back on my heels, watching, remembering the last time we had been in this exact spot, shielded by the tall grass as the wind softly rustled against the stalks.

" _Do you feel that?" I asked in amazement, watching Edward's face morph into a broad smile with eyes sparkling._

" _Sure do." He murmured, rubbing his palm against my swollen stomach. "He's going to be a strong boy." He boasted._

" _I'll be seven months next week."_

" _Two more to go." He wiggled his eyebrows, leaning in to kiss me deeply._

 _I sank into his warmth, wrapping my arms around his neck and pulling him down onto the blanket with me._

 _Only hours later, everything changed_

"Momma?" JJ called loudly, pulling me from my memories.

"Yes, baby?" I asked hoarsely, looking to Edward who watched me with knowing eyes.

"Ain't you gunna eat?"

"Of course." I gave him a trembling smile, holding out my plate for Edward to put a portion of potatoes on, his eyes never leaving mine.

Neither of us ate much, pushing around our food with the plastic forks Rose had provided. I had unintentionally forced my thoughts into the air between us, Edward now haunted just as much as me.

"You gotta stop that." Edward's gravelly voice said quietly.

"Stop what?" I asked, absently running my hand through JJ's hair as he slept beside me.

"Stop letting our past put a damper on the present."

"You should take your own advice." I snapped, narrowing my eyes and meeting his scowling face.

"Don't you start."

"Start what?"

"Picking a fight with me."

"I'm sorry." I apologized. "You're right, but it's easier said than done."

"I know." He reached out and placed his hand over mine, his thumb tracing over my knuckles. "There's a lot of past not just between us, but hidden here in this field, at the house, the cabin… Hell, this whole town is just one big history book."

"Some old biddy had the audacity to loudly whisper to a friend as I walked by, _isn't that the runaway bride_? The runaway bride… really?" I laughed.

"I've heard much worse." Edward chuckled. "I couldn't walk into town that first year, it was pure chaos; as if you insulted the entire place."

"Gee, thanks for the information. I'll think of that every time I show face." I wrinkled my nose and threw a wadded-up napkin at him.

He just arched an eyebrow and shrugged with a smirk on his face.

"I was given so many cherry pies by every unmarried woman, young and old, and free beer from Harry when I walked into the bar. Emmett's Daddy pretended not to know, but the sympathy in his eyes before he turned his back made me sick."

My gut churned, the chicken sitting heavy in my stomach. My mind formed the image of a lost Edward, the looks he was describing from his friends and family. Strangers looking in on the drama of our lives.

"Made a better story than my Momma, huh?" I tried to play it off.

"They said you were just like her. Gave some old coot a black eye for callin' you a floozy." He grinned.

"Great." I rolled my eyes.

"Even heard some rumors about who your Daddy was."

"Are you serious?" I straightened, ears perked.

"Well, you heard the stories of Harry and Emmett Sr. already." He smirked. "One night, Daddy was playin' cards with Emmett's dad and I overheard them bring up Jimmy's daddy. Something about Renee never tellin' him and how she used it against you, and it was a gift when she finally left."

"A gift?"

"Think about it… where would you be if she hadn't? Daddy wouldn't have taken you in, you would have stayed in that trailer, fending for yourself."

I looked away, unable to meet his eyes. Feeling the same shame I felt when I was ten and had to explain to the other kids at school why I was living with Edward and Jasper. It made me feel pressured to be better than others my age...to go above and beyond to please Papa C. I never did feel good enough, and now that I was older, I realized that was Momma's fault.

"James' father? That's just silly. She always told me and everyone who would listen my father took off and left her behind, his father never left the damn trailer park he was born in!"

"Just tellin' you what they said."

He laid on his back with his hands under his head, hat covering his face. I wanted to argue with him more but left it alone. No reason to argue just for the sake of arguing, or rather giving me any reason for him to talk to me. Not that he wasn't, I just craved his attention like a moth to a flame. I wanted to hear his voice, feel the heat of his eyes, the tremble in my body when I watched him move. Even his walk was sexy, I'd always been attracted to him, from the first time we met.

" _Hiya'!"_

" _Hi," I whispered, looking up from my dirt pile to see a boy wearing a too big cowboy hat, shorts, and cowboy boots._

" _I'm Edward. What's your name?"_

" _Bella. Where'd you come from anyway?"_

" _Down that way." He pointed behind him with his thumb without turning, cocking his head to the side and watching me put a stick in the middle of my sand hill._

" _How's come I've never seen ya' before?"_

" _My Daddy doesn't let me wonder past the sign." He shrugged. "I can't be gone long, or I'll get a whoopin'."_

" _Y_ _ **our**_ _Daddy hits you?" My eyes widened, already fearful of this unidentified male… what if he was my daddy too?_

" _Not really, but he likes to tell me he's gunna if I don't stay out of trouble." He rolled his eyes and smiled._

 _I couldn't help but smile back and study the freckles that covered his nose and the top of his cheeks right under his eyes. They were orangey brown, just like his hair, which curled around his ears under the brim of the hat._

" _That your Daddy's hat?"_

" _Yup! Sheriff McCarty gave him a new one for his birthday, so he gave me this one."_

" _You know the sheriff?" I asked nervously._

" _He's Daddy's best friend!" He stated proudly, his chest puffing._

" _Momma says he comes and takes the bad kids away, puts them in an orphanage where you gotta chop up rocks all day and only get an ol' piece of bread for dinner. It's always cold and dirty and old hags yell at you day and night." I nodded for emphasis._

" _Now that is a damned lie!" He bellowed, shoving his thumbs through his front belt loops._

" _Shh! Momma is havin' adult time. She'll be right mad if she hears us and has to come out and yell."_

" _What's adult time?"_

" _I dunno, I'm not an adult, Silly. I just know I's gotta stay out of the house for a while, till she says I can come back in and get some dinner."_

" _What about lunch?"_

" _She hasn't the time to go to the store this week." I looked back down at the sand, stabbing it with the stick._

" _You wanna come to my house for lunch? We're havin' hot dogs over a fire."_

" _Won't he be mad havin' to feed a kid who isn't his?"_

" _Nah, he always says more is welcome. We always has people over for dinner. Lots of ladies bring us stuff to heat up in the oven, but it's usually gross. Food all mixed together in clumpy gravy." He scrunched his nose and stuck out his tongue. "They look funny at Daddy, and he turns red before thanking them and sending them on their way. The cakes and pies are always good; Mrs. Stanely makes the best damn chocolate chip cookies I've ever had!"_

" _Your daddy lets you cuss?"_

" _I'd appreciate it if you kept that to yourself." He blushed. "And maybe not tell him I left the drive. Maybe you was walkin' by, and I called you over?"_

" _Sure, Edward." I smiled and grabbed his hand in mine._

 _We walked a long way before a truck came toward us._

" _Where you been, Edward, and who have you got with you?"_

 _I couldn't see the man who was calling from the open window, but I shrunk behind Edward, clutching his hand nervously._

" _Hi, Daddy! We sure are glad to see you, we're beat. This is Bella, she was walkin' by, and I invited her to lunch!"_

" _Your Momma know where you are?" He leaned out the door, and I could see his face, looked just like Edward but for his blonde hair. I couldn't speak, couldn't move, and I just stared with large, frightened eyes. He sighed and shook his head. "Climb up in the back. I'll drive you home after lunch._

 _I scurried after Edward who pulled me up with him, his daddy turning the truck around in the grass, making us bounce around the back, giggling and shrieking._

 _He had a fire built and helped us put hot dogs on sticks to roast ourselves, squirting ketchup on for us and opening orange sodas. I'd never drunk that before, and Edward laughed when I sneezed after the bubbles tickled my nose._

 _We ran around the yard with his brother Jasper and a dog named Skip, the sky getting darker before we knew it._

" _I should drive you home now, Bella."_

" _Does she hafta go?" Edward whined._

" _Yeah, can't she stay in grandma's old room? Jasper added._

" _Her Momma won't know where she is, probably scare her something awful if Bella doesn't go home tonight." He put a hand on each their heads and ruffled their hair. "You boys can come with."_

 _We all climbed into the truck this time, Edward and Jasper in the back after bickering who got to sit in the front with Carlisle. I felt like a queen sitting beside their daddy who had the kindest blue eyes I'd ever seen. Not like Momma's cold ones that could cut glass when she was angry enough… which was often. I never could seem to do much right. Carlisle got out of the truck and helped me down, Edward and Jasper giving me big hugs as we said goodbye, and walked me to the door. He rapped his knuckles, and we waited a long while before Momma answered. It was dark now, and not even the porch light was on. Finally, the lights inside turned on, and the door was flung open._

" _What?" She screeched her face angry till she saw who it was. "Carlisle." She straightened herself, brushing back her hair with her hands and pushing out her chest, her robe sliding back revealingly. I was embarrassed and looked away from her mascara-smudged face. "This is a surprise."_

" _Renee." He nodded. "Bella here was playing with my boys today, she had dinner with_ _us,_ _and I thought I'd drive her home so you wouldn't worry, given the time and all." He raised a brow and put a hand on his hip, the other grazing my back soothingly. I felt safe with this man, even if he was practically a stranger._

" _I hope she didn't throw herself at ya'." She narrowed her eyes at me. "Her dinner is on a plate in the microwave, waited on her forever."_

 _She was lying. She already told me I was getting my own dinner, which meant cold cereal since we were out of tv dinners and I ate the last of the peanut butter last night._

" _She's always welcome at the house." He assured her. "You be a good girl and come back_ _to the house_ _to play whenever you like." Carlisle smiled at me._

" _You come back to visit whenever you like, Carlisle. Bella knows how to make herself scarce." My mother smiled, bouncing her body around a bit as Carlisle walked back to the truck with a hand raised in the air as a goodbye. "Get in here you little brat." She sneered as soon as they were out of sight. "You tell him I'm not treating you right just cause I made you play outside while I had an adult conversation with Pete?" She yelled, giving my face a stinging slap._

" _No, Momma. Me and Edward were playing, and he asked me to go back to his house for hot dogs." I cried, holding my burning cheek._

" _Go to bed, you already ate so you don't need 'nothing else." She growled, stomping off to her own room and slamming the door behind her._

 _I went to bed that night praying for a daddy just like Edwards to come rescue me._

* * *

Pay It Forward will be featuring fics in four different categories on their new blog. Number one will be our Rookie ... A new, first-time writer showcasing their first fic on our blog. Number two will be our Encore ... A new fic from a seasoned author giving us a sneak peek. Number three will be our Classix ... one from the vault, a time-tested oldie. And four, is an Overlooked fic that needs some love.  
If you are a Rookie and need help, contact Fran on the PIF page. And if you have an Encore, contact her to get your new fic showcased. Also, anyone interested in writing a summary on one of their favs, please feel free to send it in for our Classix section.


	13. Break on Me

**The second half of this chapter refused to be written. It came to me one night and I put it into words the next morning; words that sorely needed Fran's magic! This chapter has her to thank!**

* * *

"Rosie asked us to go out dancing with them. The Yorkie twins are babysitting and said they wouldn't mind keepin' an eye on JJ too."

"I don't know…" Looking behind me at JJ who was peeling off his boots.

"He'll be fine. Angie's girls are great with the boys. If they can handle a bunch of little McCartys, they can handle JJ just fine. I wouldn't ask you to leave him with someone unreputable."

I reluctantly agreed, even with an uneasy feeling inside of me refusing to leave. I listened to the tub's faucet turn on after telling JJ to warm the water for his bath, watching Edward walk to his truck.

"I'll be back in a couple hours and drive you and JJ to Emmett and Rosalie's." He called out his window, backing out of the drive and driving off in the direction to the main house.

I stood in place on the porch, arms crossed and rubbing my forearms that had broken out in goosebumps. I watched the trees sway in the evening wind, listening to the leaves rustle against each other, the orange sky looking like a warning. The clouds moved, suddenly blinding me with the glare of the sun. I squinted and turned, closing the door firmly behind me, walking into the bathroom to help JJ.

"I sure do like Mister."

"I know you do." I smiled at his scrunched face, eyes squeezed shut with his head thrown back as I poured a cup of water over his sudsy hair.

"You like him too, don't 'cha?"

"I like him just fine."

"As much as you liked my Daddy?"

"Your Daddy was my best friend." I deflected.

"Do you miss him?"

I sat the cup down and dried his face with a clean washcloth. He opened his eyes as I cupped his cheeks with my palms.

"I miss him very much- but I still have a piece of him with me."

"You do?"

"I do." I nodded deeply, tapping his nose with my finger. "I have you. You're my best friend, now."

"You're mine too." He wrapped his wet arms around my calves, face pressed into my knees. "Mister makes me feel better, like I'm not alone." He looked back up at me, his little lips downturned.

"You will never be alone."

"Still … I'm glad Edward doesn't mind me too much."

"He doesn't mind you at all. In fact, he told me he likes having you around to help with his chores and to talk to."

"He seems lonely." He looked thoughtful, chewing on his bottom lip. "You should come with me more often."

"Why is that?"

"He looks happier when you show up."

"Let's get you out." I held the towel open and ignored his last comment.

The truth was, I was happier when I was with them both, but I wasn't ready to tell JJ as much.

* * *

Edward had shown up in a freshly pressed shirt and his familiar scuffed boots. He kept pushing his hair back and placing his hat on top of his head only to take it off and do the entire process over again. He had given JJ just as many hugs goodbye as I had, promising pizza was on its way to the house before we left. Our drinks had long ago turned warm as we talked long into the night, the four of us laughing till I had to wipe tears from my eyes. Edward grabbed my hand and tugged me along, kicking up our boots and clapping along with the melody, spinning me around the dance floor to the beat of the music. Twirling me, I was brought to his chest, my body pressing against his as the beat slowed.

"Just like old times." He smiled, grabbing my hand in his, continuing our slower pace.

"Except this time we're legal and sober instead of drunk from the use of our fake IDs Emmett use to make us."

"Till his daddy found out and raised hell." Edward chuckled at the memory of Emmett being dragged by his ear to the front door, made to apologize to Papa C.

As soon as the front door was closed, Papa had turned on us, Edward running up the stairs wide-eyed and tripping while Jasper laughed at him till he brought attention to himself. I stood with my head down, mortified from the disappointment I had caused while Papa burned our fake IDs in front of us. The boys looked bored as we were lectured and went to their rooms afterward without much care other than being banned from playing in their upcoming football game. Papa C had chucked me gently under the chin with his knuckles, giving me a wink before sending me to bed and telling me to stay in my own room that night. His words only caused me to burn from embarrassment, it being the first time he acknowledged me sneaking into Edward's room long after we thought he was asleep.

The song ended, and I craved for the warmth of Edward's arms around me as soon as we separated. Emmett let us know they were leaving and reassured me JJ would be fine. I relented, said he could stay the night with the twins, and climbed into Edward's truck.

My chest was tight, and I felt breathless with nerves and the anticipation of what was left unsaid. Edward had reached over and grabbed my hand, leaving me intoxicated with the smell of his aftershave and the old leather of his seats filling the cab. The radio was playing quietly, filling the silence as he drove to the other side of town toward home. His keys clinked together as his tires crunched over the dirt and rocks of the drive, bouncing with the potholes of the driveway. We hadn't spoken when he hopped out of the truck, walked around to open my door and help me down.

The smell of freshly cut hay and the cold, crisp night air filled my senses, the warmth radiating off him drawing me in stronger than the pull of gravity.

"Edward..."

"Shh," He hushed me, "live in the moment." He hummed, lowering his lips to mine. Soft, yet urgent, moving together as our feet drew us to the porch, hands fumbling for the unlocked door handle.

I whimpered when it was finally pushed open, wrapping my arms around his neck tightly, his hands digging into my hips, lifting me.

"'Bout time you got here." A voice spoke through the darkness from the corner of the porch where the outside light didn't reach.

"Who's there?" Edward demanded, putting me to my feet and pushing me behind him.

My face brushed against the soft fabric of his shirt, squinting as a figure approached us.

"Mom?" I inhaled when I could see a face.

I recognized her with ease. She had lines around her mouth and forehead and her makeup was smudged under her eyes. A cigarette hung carelessly from her mouth and I watched as she brought her hand up and removed it from her lips. She then blew out a stream of smoke, her calculating eyes focused solely on me. She was sickly skinny, wobbling slightly, making me wonder what her choice of medicine was these days.

"What are you doing here, Renee?" Edward demanded.

"I'm not here for you." She narrowed her gaze at Edward, carelessly flicking her lit cigarette over the railing of the porch. "Me and my daughter have some business to take care of."

"Your daughter has done just fine without you."

"Edward," I warned quietly, a sense of dread had draped over me. Everything was forgotten except for the dark presence of my mother that was fighting against the feeling of security Edward gave me.

"What do you want, Mama?"

"I can't come visit my daughter without needing something'?"

"You left me alone without power or food when I was ten years old."

"I knew you'd be okay and you were, weren't you? You ended up better off with the Cullens than you would have if I had stuck around. You should be thankin' me, really."

"You have to be kidding me." Edward snapped, taking a step forward.

"I think you should leave. Bella and I have some business to discuss."

"I'm not leaving her alone with the likes of you!" He growled.

My body was shaking with nerves, thankful that JJ was safe with Rose instead of home to witness this show.

"You need to leave," Edward demanded.

"Does he always fight your battles?" She sneered at me wickedly. "I figured you might want to hear me out before sending me on my way, straight to the law."

"What are you talking about?"

"Someone's been lookin' for you, Isabella. Askin' for your whereabouts. Tellin' me you took off with her son, a child that ain't even yours." She snickered. I don't know how, but somehow, they found me. "I told them I had no idea where you were, and I wasn't goin' to find out neither. I got to thinkin' though… wonderin' how much this kid might mean to you, so I got their story. Of course, I knew you would run back to the Cullen's ranch. I found out all about you, too." Her body weaved as she took out another cigarette and lit it, watching me with calculating eyes.

"Who was looking for me?"

"The mother of the kid you have been dragging around with you. I came back to town a few days ago, wasn't hard to get Jim to open up after welcoming me back with open arms."

"Just cause you opened up nice and wide for him, I bet," Edward muttered.

"Told me all about your teen pregnancy and running away, taking care of a kid that wasn't yours and returning with him. What do you think a judge would think of our morals if I told him about you getting pregnant so young with your guardian's son?"

"No one would believe a word you said."

"Why would you go to a judge?"

Edward and I spoke at the same time.

"Your goody-good Daddy ain't here to contradict me. No one can argue if I say he gave me no other option than to hand Bella over and forced me outta town." She challenged Edward. "And I might be willin' to tell the kid's mother to buzz off- with the right incentive."

"You aren't getting shit from us!" Edward continued to fight my battle. I pushed away from him and stepped forward.

"What do you want?"

"Twenty thousand."

"What?" I stuttered.

"Pay me, and I won't tell anyone about your promiscuous ways, being unwed and raising a child that isn't yours. His real ma is married now, got a nice stable home for him; ready to take care of the boy, she told me. Now she also told me you were granted guardianship by his father, but what is better for the boy? A flakey woman who bounces him from place to place, shackin' up with her teenage lover right after his father's death or his real mother who can now provide a good life? Think about it." She walked down the steps, "I'll give you a few before comin' back for your answer." She announced, walking to a beat-up car hidden in the dark corner of the yard.

"Edward, I can't lose JJ."

"No one would listen to a word that lady has to say!"

"JJ's birth mom is looking for him, there is no other way she could know all that otherwise. She is his blood relative, I'm just some girl Jacob took in."

"You have given him a home, taken care of him and loved him. No one will take him away.

"She is right, Edward! How will it look if she says it just like she did- us getting pregnant while your daddy was my guardian, us living under the same roof? Me running off and coming back after Jacob's death. I will look unstable, immoral."

"Bella, you aren't going to look immoral-"

"I'm a single woman without a job, raising a boy who isn't mine by blood-"

"We'll get married, damn it!"

"What?" I abruptly stopped my rambling and looked at him in shock.

"We'll get married, and you and JJ will move into the main house. We'll show a stable, happy family for any court to look at."

"Why would you want to do that?"

"For JJ." He said simply with an emotionless face.

"I won't trap you into a marriage of convenience."

"I think tonight was going to benefit the both of us before we were interrupted." He raised a single brow, making me blush. "We'll marry for a couple of years, and when JJ's mom backs off, we can go our separate ways."

"I'm not going to be your personal prostitute; sleeping with you just to protect JJ." I glared.

"You can have your old room back, JJ can have Jasper's old bedroom."

"I don't know…"

"Marry me." He requested earnestly, grabbing my hands with his. "For JJ."

Moments of silence hung between us, my mind and heart being pulled in different directions.

"For JJ.


	14. What the hell did I say

**Thank you to my wonderful beat, Fran!**

* * *

I wanted to talk to Jasper and gain his insight on the situation between JJ and his birth mother. I wasn't sure on the legal factors, and I wasn't about to pay off Renee to leave Bella and her son alone.

Driving back home last night, I could have kicked myself. It wasn't exactly the way I planned on marrying Bella, or even close to a real proposal. When all was said and done, she agreed, and she and JJ would be moving into the main house today. We were going to one town over to get married by a judge. First thing this morning I received a call from Bella who found one who performed ceremonies out of his living room with his wife as a witness.

Jasper was out of town 'till tomorrow morning; he and Alice took a mini vacation before they needed to stay put for a bit and prepare for the baby. The last I saw her she was beginning to show, and eager to tell me they had just entered the second trimester, a milestone to all of us. Each week, hell, each day, would be to the entire family.

I still couldn't figure out how JJ's mother found Renee. If she was looking for Bella, wouldn't she have done it years ago? And still, it should be simple enough to assume she would be here where she grew up or that someone here would at least know where to find her. Something wasn't adding up, there was a puzzle piece missing.

I straightened my bolo tie, pushing up the medallion with the ranch's crest that Bella had given to me our last Christmas together. I had shined my boots after Bella called, leaving yet another message for Jasper to call me. Rose was driving JJ home at eleven, and we would leave soon afterward. If all went according to plan, we'd be married by one and on our way back home a few hours later as husband and wife.

My gut churned, burning with fear. I dry heaved a few times and had to keep dabbing my brow with a kerchief I kept in my pocket. I wasn't sure if it was because Jasper hadn't called me to give me his advice on either marriage or JJ's mother. Or was it because I hadn't told my brother or my best friend, or due to the fact I feared Bella would back out. I tried to shake that last thought, reminding myself I wouldn't care even if she did ... we were marrying for JJ, which also meant she wouldn't run this time no matter what. She would do anything for the kid.

I couldn't stop the bitter thought, wishing she would do the same for me as I was for her. I needed to remind myself that we were moving forward, not back. We were young, we both made mistakes, and I couldn't hold it over her head for the rest of our lives. I was gaining JJ out of this too. The kid had more than warmed up to me and I was honestly excited with the prospect of having him underfoot at all times. We were going to give him a stable home, one that no one would be able to tear him from.

"Edward?" Bella's soft voice came behind me.

I turned my head to the left to find Bella standing in the drive, watching me through the open window with furrowed brows, her hands clasped in front of her nervously fidgeting.

"If you are having second thoughts…"

 _Was I?_

I turned away from her questioning gaze, looking straight ahead blindly. I thought of all the times I dreamed of us marrying when we were young, of the hurt when she left, and the times I still pictured our wedding day in the not so long ago past.

 _Did I want today to slip through my fingers?_

 _No, not really._

 _Did I want her marrying me just for JJ?_

 _No._

"Do you really want to get married, Bella?"

"We won't have to stay married, Edward." Once there is no fear of JJ being taken, we can divorce, or get an annulment- whatever you want, and you can go on with life … fall in love and marry."

I snorted, thinking to myself that I had already fallen in love; it wasn't likely I would ever love someone else. Unfortunately, her feelings we obviously not the same. She had mentioned this was only temporary multiple times while we packed up her meager possessions and putting them in the back of her truck. When we unloaded it at the house, she repeated it, and now once again. Before I could respond, we heard the high pitch of Rosalie's horn, the minivan coming to a stop beside my truck.

"Hey, y'all!" She smiled happily, clearly because she found the two of us together. "You stay here last night?" She winked at me, pushing the button to open the sliding door for JJ.

"Something like that." I gruffed, helping JJ down. "Go to your ma, she'll help you get changed."

"'Fer what?" He looked up at me with squinted eyes, his upper lipped curled as the sun blinded him.

"Do what I said." I ordered, nodding at Rose in goodbye.

"Wait a minute … where's Bella's truck?" Forever vigilant. "Why are the two of you so dolled up?"

"We're getting married." I grunted.

"What?" Rosalie screeched, getting out and starting toward the house.

"Let her be, Rose."

"Edward, what the hell is going on?"

The sun burned my neck, yet the cool breeze left me chilled. Taking my hat off I replayed last night for Rose as her blond waves blew across her face, her blue eyes wide and mouth hung open in shock.

"Let me call Emmett, why didn't you tell him?" She rushed out, bending over the driver's seat and retrieving her phone from the cup holder just as Bella emerged from the house with a clean JJ.

She gave a plastic bag that held the clothes he had borrowed to Rose who was jabbering too fast for anyone to understand. Dressed in a long-sleeved, flowy peach gown, I helped her into my truck. I then lifted JJ who now wore black jeans that matched mine, and an emerald green button-up, and buckled him in.

"Wait a minute!" Rose yelled.

"Rose, it's the only way!"

"You haven't talked to Jasper or Emmett, you don't know if Renee is truthful or if this will even work! Marriage isn't somethin' you do just for the hell of it!"

I slammed the door and stalked to her, bending low so that my lips were close to her ear.

"Shut up, Rose." I hissed, receiving an indignant gasp in return. "I need this." My stomach gave another roll from my admission, feeling a breakdown coming on if this was somehow stopped. I needed Bella even if I couldn't tell her as much … yet. "Don't you dare repeat this to anyone, either."

She leaned her head back, looking up at me with so much compassion I thought I would be sick.

"This isn't the way to keep her." She whispered.

"I'll tell her, I swear I will when the time is right."

"Shouldn't that be before you marry?" She quirked a brow at me. I turned and walked away instead of answering. "I'm calling Emmett and your brother. This is a mistake!" She screamed over the sound of my truck starting.

"She's pissed," Bella muttered, wrinkling her nose at Rose who had her arms in the air, waving ridiculously.

"She's just worried."

"Where are we goin'? Why do I have to wear this shirt?" JJ called out.

I looked in the mirror, watching him tug at his collar, causing me to snicker.

"Well, Edward asked me to marry him, can you believe it?" Bella widened her eyes, making this sound as if it were a grand event.

"You're gonna marry Mister? Does that mean we're gonna live with him?"

"We moved your things into Jasper's old bedroom already; I think you're gonna love it!"

"It will be like a sleepover every night!" His face lost some of the excitement and squinted at me, his eyes thoughtful. "Do I gotta call you Dad?"

"No way, JJ. You can call me whatever you wanna call me. I will never make you do or say anything you don't want to."

"If it's all the same to you, I'd rather not."

"No problem." I winked at him and smiled, showing him there were no hard feelings, causing his bright grin to return and his happy chatter to once again fill the truck.

The ceremony was quick and painless, conducted in a living room with Victorian armchairs on either side of us while JJ swayed happily, munching on snickerdoodles the judge's wife gave him. When asked to kiss the bride, I leaned in and gave her cheek a quick peck, ignoring the curious expression she gave me afterward. We were back into the truck, went through a drive-through for a late lunch, and back home by four.

Jasper and Emmett were sitting at the kitchen table with sour expressions when we walked into the house, earning themselves a dark look from me, as Bella went rushing JJ upstairs to see his new room so he wouldn't witness any arguing.

"Edward, what the hell were you thinkin'? Running off and marrying Bella like a child sneaking outta the house instead of waiting two damn minutes and talking to Jasper and me?"

"I thought you weren't due back 'till tomorrow?" I asked my brother instead of answering Emmett.

"I wasn't 'till I heard all your voicemails and a few from Emmett. I thought it best to head home a bit early rather than calling either of you back."

I turned my back and busied myself making coffee, the heat of their eyes watching me burning holes in my shirt.

"Say what you gotta say."

"Tell me what I'm missing … Renee came around askin' for money to keep JJ's birth mother from finding Bella?"

"She somehow found Renee while lookin' for Bella. She wants JJ back."

"Rose told us his mother left him after giving birth, right?"

"Yes," Bella answered. "JJ found the stash of toy cars you two left behind. He is busy checkin' them all out." Entering the kitchen by way of the back staircase.

"As far as I am concerned, she gave up her parental rights. She could bring you to court and try to fight it, claiming she never signed anything to give you guardianship, but I highly doubt it would hold up. You have nothing to fear from her, and I'll be behind you every step of the way."

"Me too. I'll know if she steps foot in town." Emmett added, reaching out and giving Bella's hand a squeeze.

I finally looked at her face for the first time since we were married, seeing the tears threatening to spill. I took the two steps to her and wrapped an arm around her waist, drawing her into my side.

Jasper and Emmett gave me a look before exchanging one with each other and continuing.

"The last thing you need to do is pay off Renee."

"How the hell did JJ's mother-"

"Leah, her name is Leah." Bella interrupted.

"Right, Leah … how did she find Renee instead of Bella if she was looking? I thought Renee basically fell off the face of the earth."

"She wasn't too hard to find at all, never has been if you wanted to find her."

"How do you know this, have you looked for her?"

"Daddy told me about it when you took off without tellin' us where you were going. Renee was pounding on the door sometime after midnight and Daddy tried to send me back to bed before I could see what was goin' on. I guess after he took in Bella she came back multiple times. Even if she couldn't gain custody back, she could make Bella's life a living hell. After a year of being gone, she came back drunk out of her mind, possibly high, he said. She promised to leave if he gave her some money. Once turned into twice, turned into a direct deposit every few months. It stopped coming after Bella left, so she came 'round. After threating to go after her, he said he'd keep sending her money here and there. Checks stopped when he died. You type her name into the computer, and I am positive you would find out where she lived, or at least her previous address - it changes so much."

"Doesn't explain why Leah went lookin' for her instead of going directly to Bella or how she even knew her mother's name."

"We will have to wait till she contacts us herself. No matter what, no money gets exchanged for any promises to Leah or Renee. If they show up, call Emmett and me."

"So, Edward married me for no reason?" Bella looked white, her eyes round and watery.

"Bella-"

"Edward, I am so sorry. No matter how I try, I'm always messin' up your life! Jasper, you can annul it, right? It hasn't even been twenty-four hours."

"We should wait till we know what's goin' to happen." I butted in as soon as Jasper opened his mouth to respond.

"I'm so, so sorry." She whispered before fleeing the kitchen.

"You gonna go after her and explain yourself?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Your dumb ass didn't marry her just to try and stop Leah from getting JJ, you're smarter than that."

"Obviously not that smart." Emmett shook his head with disgust. "You got that girl feeling guilty as hell, and you ain't gonna tell her you love her?"

"Course he loves my Momma!" JJ hopped down the stairs, skipping the last one. "He married her, didn't he?"

"JJ-"

"Tell them! Tell them you love my Momma! We're a family now, and family loves each other!"

"I love her. Always have."

It wasn't till after I said those words and looked up from my boots that I noticed Bella had come after JJ and was halfway down the stairs.

"Bell-"

"Get up those stairs and fix whatever shit storm you created," Emmett grumbled. "Stupid son of a bitch…"

"Come on JJ, let's start the grill. Alice and Rosie are comin' over with the boys with hamburgers and hot dogs we men have to cook." Jasper quickly got to his feet, hurrying JJ along with him out the porch door with an evil glint in his eyes.

"Why's everyone coming over?" I frowned.

"Because we knew you would screw this up." Emmett snapped, following Jasper and JJ. He was obviously unhappy with my rash decisions.

I went up the stairs, ears strained, the creaking of the fourth and eighth step echoing through my head.

"Bella?" I rapped lightly on the half-open door of her old bedroom.

"I heard what you said."

"I need to explain-"

"I get it. We can't just pack our things and move back into the cabin, JJ needs stability, and I can't keep yanking him back and forth between homes, bringing you into his life just to take you back out. I understand you are trying to protect him."

"That's not-"

"I am giving you a way out, Edward."

"What do you mean?"

"We can annul this mockery and not tell JJ. When you get tired of having us here, we can explain it to him better."

"You aren't going anywhere! I want you here, both of you. Bella, I know this isn't how anyone plans on getting married, but-"

"No buts, Edward. We need to stop while we're ahead. I can't bear to hear hollow words right now. We are mending, and I don't want to destroy what ground we've gained."

I wanted to argue with her, to tell her I meant what I said and that they weren't just for JJ's sake, and they were the truth. My heart was ready, but my brain told me to slow down, listen to what she was saying. She was right, we were mending; we were creating a relationship and a new life for JJ and us. I couldn't say or act without thinking it through, there was too much at stake. I needed to prove I wouldn't throw the past back in her face and that I would be there physically and emotionally for her. And she had to show she wouldn't run at the slightest sign of trouble, that she would stay by my side and we would work together to overcome future obstacles. She still needed to say goodbye to both Seth and Daddy.

I loved her, but those words would always be there, the feelings hadn't left in all the years I'd known her, and they wouldn't disappear with her around if they didn't with her gone. We both made mistakes, and it was time to work through them and act rationally. Too much of our life had gone wrong by acting hastily.

We could do this, but we had to do it together. When the time was right, we would both know it.

"We aren't divorcing or annulling the marriage." She looked at me curiously, her head cocked to the side. "Let's see what happens. JJ's mother still hasn't shown up, maybe she won't. Maybe she doesn't want custody, but shouldn't we be sure?"

"Jasper said-"

"Please … let's just wait a bit. Let today be the calm before the storm, let all the days be that till the clouds darken."

"What if they don't turn gray?"

"Then we're happy. What's so wrong with that? Can't we be together and happy till we aren't?"

"Are you happy?"

"We can be if we let ourselves."

"What do you want from me?"

"Right now? Your friendship. I want to be a partner to you with raising JJ. Let me be that for you both."

"Is this still just for him?"

"You tell me." I lowered my voice, reaching out to cup her face. "What do _you_ want, Bella?"

"I want to be your calm."

The sound of car doors slamming and kids squealing could be heard in the distance.

"Then let's go back downstairs and join the party. Today is supposed to be a celebration, ain't it?" I gave her a crooked smile, bending and pressing my lips to her forehead before stepping back with her hand in mind, leading her downstairs and outside with the rest of our family.

Later that night, I listened to Bella shut her bedroom door across the hall after settling JJ down for the night. I lay on my back with my hands behind my head, the urge to get up and go to her stronger than I had anticipated. I felt sixteen again with my girl sleeping across the hall, only this time she wasn't mine. I suppose on paper she was, but she was more mine when we were adolescents than she was now as my wife. How was I going to convince her to stay where she was? Rather, how would I encourage her to be here beside me instead of in different beds and to stay put regardless of what happens with JJ's mother and Renee.

It was a waiting game, and I have all the time in the world and the patience to go with it. I'm not sure when the anger and betrayal I had held against her left, but I was glad it no longer burned inside of me.

I felt free for the first time in years, and I wanted to continue to keep moving forward with the both of them by my side.

* * *

 **Pay It Forward will be featuring fics in four different categories on their new blog. Number one will be our Rookie ... A new, first-time writer showcasing their first fic on our blog. Number two will be our Encore ... A new fic from a seasoned author giving us a sneak peek. Number three will be our Classix ... one from the vault, a time-tested oldie. And four, is an Overlooked fic that needs some you are a Rookie and need help, contact Fran on the PIF page. And if you have an Encore, contact her to get your new fic showcased. Also, anyone interested in writing a summary on one of their favs, please feel free to send it in for our Classix section.**


	15. Dive

Fran is owed a huge thank you for waving her magic wand over this! Not only has it been a while since an update, but also since I have written, and it was obvious. I own nothing but the mistakes! P.S. Chapter 16 is already written and 17 in the works, yay!

* * *

I awoke looking around at my not so strange surroundings. Strange because I hadn't been in here for years, but not so strange at all since I remembered it well while growing up in the room that still boasted the floral wallpaper and yellowed, lace curtains. The oak four-poster bed was creaky and groaned as I rolled in my wake, the slight smell of dust tickling my nose. I could tell the room hadn't been entered much between my leaving and returning. There was even a stack of books on the nightstand I was sure I placed there myself.

Letting out a breath, I closed my eyes and brought back the happenings of the day before – of our shotgun wedding and quick decision to let things play out. I wasn't so sure how I felt about not having a plan. Love and marriage without the love. I vaguely remember waking to Edward standing in the doorway watching me; the memory was so fuzzy I wasn't sure if it was real or just a dream- wishful thinking even.

Reopening my eyes, I glanced at the alarm clock and was shocked that it was almost ten in the morning, never having slept this late since I started living with Jake and helping him raise JJ. Lifting my hand, I turned it, causing the stone on my finger to glitter prettily just as it had years ago. The memory of it and the reminder of Jacob and what I couldn't give him causing my heart to ache. I knew I wasn't it for him just as he wasn't for me, but I still wished I could have pretended as well as he did for the sake of his happiness before he left us. I liked to think I made him happy all the same, showing the devotion I couldn't give him to his son.

 _JJ._

Now I was worried and sat up quickly, he always woke me hours before now. I pulled my robe out of a still unpacked suitcase and ran down the back stairs, skipping a few till I entered the kitchen and stopped abruptly. Edward was sitting at the table with a cup of coffee with JJ beside him giggling over a mouthful of pancakes, a stack still on his plate that he couldn't possibly finish. As soon as I entered, Edward raised his eyes from my son to me, giving me a heart-stopping smile.

"Morning." He greeted, standing and pouring a second cup of coffee and placing two pancakes from the warmer onto a plate and motioning for me to sit.

"I'm sorry he woke you." Tripping over my own feet to the chair he had pulled out for me.

"Did you forget how early we wake in this house? I had to get his butt out of bed to help me with the horses before coming in and making pancakes."

"Don't mind the crunch, I dropped a few eggshells, but Mister said that's where most the nutrents are found."

"Nutrients." Edward corrected with a soft laugh.

Just as he said this, I took my first bite and shuddered.

Edward's smile only widened, and he gave me a smirk, reaching over to take a big bite off my plate for himself and groaning in appreciation, side-eyeing JJ to make sure the desired effect was achieved.

JJ grinned ear to ear with his chest out like a peacock.

"You two have been busy while my lazy bum slept half the day away. What else is planned?"

"You should relax, get the feel of the house again. JJ is going with me on a delivery, and we will be gone most the afternoon. Do you want me to pick up dinner on the way home?"

It was so foreign, planning meals around a schedule with my husband. A husband who was only so by pen and paper, not heart. A son who was only mine by heart and not of blood. My head was a whirl of emotions and thoughts.

"How about Chinese from Dragon China?" Edward quickly suggested, gaging my mood. "You can have a long soak in the tub, relax before we return." He sounded more hopeful than helpful.

He got up, topping off my coffee and filling a canteen for himself, placing a quick peck on my cheek while JJ did so to the other and both were off giving me cautious looks.

"My daddy always bought her chocolate ice cream and told me to be extra good when she got like this, can we buy her some ice cream, Mister?" I heard JJ ask in his nonexistent quiet voice, causing me to bust out in laughter and gave myself an eye roll.

I did as Edward suggested and went upstairs to the bathroom. The downstairs one was always the boy's main bath when I Iived with them, the upstairs boasted a deep, claw foot tub in the middle of the room with a floor to ceiling window view of the fields. There was an antique chandelier that held tall wax candles Edward use to light for me when he drew me a bath, adding fresh rosemary and lavender from the garden to the steaming water. When I entered the room, my mind full of wonderful memories, I almost tripped over myself. A hamper was toppled over on its side with the weight of the clothes piled into it, grime covering both the vanity and the tub handles, and a wet bath mat giving the room a musty smell. The shower curtain that now hung from an oval ring above the tub was hinting at mildew and only half on the plastic rings. Obviously, Edward as begun making use of the more convenient bathroom, toilet seat up...yellowed and all.

All thoughts of relaxing in a bath vanished as I returned downstairs to gather cleaning supplies from under the kitchen sink. Bleach, scrub brushes, and towels in hand, I went back upstairs to tackle the bathroom and then the bedrooms.

I was rubber-gloved, and toilet-bowl-brush armed, cleaning away furiously when I turned in a startled scream as James lifted his arms in self-defense as I wacked him with my weapon.

"What the hell at you doin' sneaking up on me like that, Jimmy?" I screamed, striking him on the head while trying to calm my nerves. "Oh my goodness, I'm sorry! I just contaminated you with pee water!" I was horrified for a brief moment before I burst into helpless giggles as he gave me a death stare. "Oh, Jimmy!" I squealed, falling into him with uncontrollable laughter. He grudgingly caught me before letting out a chuckle or two of his own, though still giving me dirty looks.

"I'm so sorry. Edward left with JJ for a drop-off. He didn't mention you would be stopping by and when I saw the state of this bathroom…well." I gazed around me, happy with how much better it looked already.

"I was scheduled to come by and muck out the stalls. I knew Edward would be gone, but I was hollering for you, guess you didn't hear me."

"I really am sorry, how 'bout some sweet tea? I have some heating on the porch." I was now grateful I had thought to make a fresh batch of tea meant to go with tonight's dinner. "I just need to add some sugar and ice."

"Don't go out of your way, though I wouldn't mind a glass when I finish with my chores." He smiled, blushing as he looked at the toe of his boots.

It made me feel sad for him. How grateful he was for a small gesture of kindness. His mama left, much as mine did, when he was five, and he was alone with an alcoholic father. He didn't have a Carlisle to save him. If the rumors Edward had heard were true, I could have had the same fate, hell, I would have if Renee had stuck around. That also meant he was kin.

"I really am sorry." I continued to apologize, now sobered.

"I've had worse." He shrugged. "Anyway, I was looking for you 'cause I found a litter of pups."

I wasn't all that surprised, even as kids James always had a way with animals. He lived a few miles down the road but would walk them daily just to hang out with me, Edward, and Jasper when we did our chores around the barn. Papa C started giving him chore money along with the rest of us after seeing how the horses and other animals responded to him.

"Their ma was hit by a car; they look old enough to be weaned though." He explained as I followed him outside to his truck. In the bed, there were four yapping little pups, that weren't so little. I could tell how old they were, maybe six weeks, but could also tell they were going to be big. "Old man Henry never did take care of his dog, but I think that was her I found, and she was a Bernese Mountain Dog. I called Emmett and Jasper, and they have already agreed to take one, and I'm going to keep one. I thought maybe Edward wouldn't mind having a dog around. I heard about your marriage, and I understand if you don't want the added responsibility, but a dog is good for a boy JJ's age and-"

"James, it's okay." I laughed over his nervous jitter. "JJ will be thrilled with a pup to take care of, and it will be a good tool to teach him responsibility."

"What about Edward?"

"You wouldn't have even asked if you thought he would mind."

"Well, the boys said to let you have first pick, then Alice gets to choose. Rosalie and Emmett don't have a preference."

There was only one pup that had no white on his face except his nose and was yipping happily at me, trying to jump over the others for attention. I scooped him up and was immediately rewarded with kisses.

"I guess that's your guy." James laughed, pleased with finding a home for the last pup.

"I guess so." I grinned, setting him with his siblings.

"I only have two stalls to deal with and feeding the chickens, and then I'll be on my way. It's usually a short day when horses are transported."

"I could have handled that." I frowned, only realizing afterward that if I had, James would be out of a job.

"I'm sure Edward didn't want to bother you so soon into your marriage. I bet I won't be needed at all before long." He blushed again, hands in his pockets.

"Are you kidding me? Do you honestly think we would be able to take care of this ranch without your help? I just meant I know how to feed the chickens. I don't want to take time from your day when I am capable enough."

"Don't try to butter me up, you could muck a stall faster than any of us boys." Jimmy laughed, looking relieved.

" _What's wrong with Jimmy?" I asked, watching him haunch over more than usual while throwing new hay into a stall._

 _"He won't tell no one if you ask, but his daddy takes a belt to him," Edward whispered. "He uses the damn buckle end." Eyes wide in both horror and shock._

 _"Can't Emmett's daddy do 'nothing?"_

 _"I tried to tell Jimmy that, but he wouldn't speak to me for two weeks, callin' me a rat. I mentioned it to Daddy, and he said we would just have to make sure Jimmy spent more time here than at home and if we ever say anything or Jimmy told us somethin', we would call Emmett's daddy right away."_

 _"Ain't your daddy's friends?"_

 _"Adults are complicated critters." Edward shrugged again, looking sadly at his friend who was in obvious discomfort._

James went to work and let the puppies follow him around the ranch as he did the chores. I got back to work, the bedrooms next on my list. JJ's was clean considering both Edward and me got it ready for him together. Mine only needed a good dusting, which led to the finding of suitcases I had long ago packed and left by the door, only to hide them once more in my closet before leaving without them at all. I had packed and repacked these very bags so many times just to unpack again. The last time I did, Edward had stumbled in drunk, right past them without notice. I hadn't put them away after that last time. I left them in place, him not paying enough attention to notice the next day while sobering up. I left without them the next night. Here they were, evidently brought from the cabin to the main house and put away in my old closet. It made me wonder who finally found them…Edward, Jasper, or Papa C?

I heard Edward's truck coming up the drive and hurriedly put the ring back on that I had taken off to clean, something telling me Edward wouldn't be happy to see it not where it belonged.

"Mama, Mr. James said I gots a puppy!" JJ squealed as soon as the door was flung open.

"JJ, careful." Edward gently reprimanded when the door banged against the wall from his excitement. "Bella, we have a puppy?" He called worriedly afterward, making me laugh.

I knew he wouldn't actually care about a dog and I went down confidently to greet them. Edward was taking cardboard containers out of two bags, smiling at JJ who sat on the floor with a hyper pup, Jimmy calling out goodbyes as his truck down the drive.

"You boys have a good trip?"

"Mister said we made a killin' off that sale. Bought two horses with the promise of a third purchase!" JJ called excitedly, scrunching his face over puppy kisses.

"Good homes, I hope?" Accepting a plate of fried and sauced chicken greedily.

"As if anything else would suffice."

We were all smiles as JJ retold his day while we ate, the night daunting before Edward and me. He kept watching with cautious eyes, bringing the pup out to the barn to put into a kennel while I gave JJ a bath and then offering to read the bedtime story while I took my long awaited bath. He must have noticed the newly cleaned room.

This time, as I stepped into the room, I was hit with the smell of fresh lavender wafting through the air. Steam was rising from the already filled tub, the table in place with a well-worn book that was a favorite of mine in my youth.

I smiled, sighing as I got into the warm water which soothed both my bones and soul. Bubble bath foamed up over my body, threatening to spill over.

"Bella?" Edward rapped his knuckles on the door after a while, causing me to open my eyes after drifting off. "I kept the herb garden weeded enough to keep the plants alive. I know how much you and my mama loved lavender." He said opening the door yet staying out of sight.

"The bath is wonderful, Edward, thank you. Your daddy always said how much she and I were alike with our baths."

"JJ's asleep so you can get into bed as soon as you're ready."

"Night Edward."

"Night."

I felt his presence hold still long after and I got out. Dressing in baggy sweats and shirt that had belonged to Jacob, I started toward my own room before seeing the light on in Edward's room.

I veered in that direction, the door partially ajar, leaving a view for me I wish I hadn't witnessed. Edward was sitting on the floor before an open trunk. Baby clothes i remembered picking out with him, a blanket that had been his that Papa C had given us. When I glanced at Edward, I was confronted with eyes that refused to release the unshed tears.

"I saved a few of the things I thought were important. A lot of it was given to Rose and Em since they could make use of them."

"I always loved that blanket your mother knitted for you," I whispered, stepping further into the room.

No words were spoken when I fell into his arms, lying on his bed with the baby blanket between us, falling asleep in the comfort of the other's arms.

A knocking on the door woke us both the next morning.

"I got it, stay put." Edward's voice was gravelly with sleep, placing a kiss on my forehead.

I heard muffled voices, causing me to sit up and rub the sleep from my eyes when he didn't return right away. I grabbed my robe from Edward's bedroom floor and wrapped it around me, making my way downstairs.

"Bella…" Edward croaked.

He turned to me, face full of pain while a woman stood in the doorway.

"I'm Leah, JJ's mother." She informed me, a mix of fear and assurance filling her voice.

"My mother?" A little voice spoke behind me.


	16. I told you so

High fives for Fran all around! She did most of this chapter but for the last bit which is un-edited, ALL mistakes are mine and mine alone. I am so thankful to my beta and you, my wonderful readers/reviewers. You all encourage me on!

* * *

"JJ, get back upstairs, right now," Bella ordered, pushing him behind her.

"Bella," I spoke calmly but firmly, which gained her full attention. "You bring JJ to get dressed while I cook breakfast." I nodded in JJ's direction, hoping she knew what I meant. "Em and Jasper are supposed to stop by to eat with us."

Her eyes hardened and her back stiffened, wrapping her arms around JJ's shoulders and turning him.

"You heard Edward, up those stairs and get dressed!"

"Uncle Em didn't tell me he was comin' by when they left last night." He grumbled. "I don't know why I gotta get dressed before eatin'."

Bella and I exchanged a look of surprise from the familiar name he used for Emmett but said nothing. They disappeared, and I turned to face our unwelcomed visitor.

"Is that him? Jacob Junior?"

"JJ." I scowled at her.

"He looks just like his father." She nibbled her bottom lip, eyes glued to the spot JJ was last visible.

I could hear the faint sound of giggles coming from upstairs, and I was glad Bella was able to produce them even though she was fretting over the woman I was attempting to rid ourselves of.

"What do you want?"

"I just want to see him, get to know him."

"You gave up that right."

"Who are you to tell me what I did or didn't do? All the research I've done, your name has never been shown as being connected to Jacob Junior!"

"He goes by JJ, and that's because it's a recent thing. Jacob's gone, and I'm stepping into the daddy role."

"I don't understand why you're so hostile. All I want to do is see my son!"

"A judge will determine what you're entitled to. I suggest you get a good lawyer, Miss Clearwater." Jasper said as he appeared and handed her a business card.

Bella must have taken my hint and phoned Jasper and Emmett about Leah's sudden appearance like I was hoping.

"It's Mrs. Lahote, now." She spoke haughtily, eyes hard and cold as they flickered between Jasper and me. "Look, I know I made mistakes…I never should have left him. It really was the best thing I could do for him though. I gave him a mother who would love him like I couldn't."

"JJ, my man!"

"Uncle Em!"

JJ had been halfway down the stairs, running past the arguing adults to the silly man he loved who stood in the drive.

"I was supposed to bring Edward some eggs for breakfast and forgot, so how 'bout you and I get some grub at the diner?"

"What about the chicken coop?"

"Those old bitties are on strike. Said no eggs were bein' laid for a few days and they ain't even good enough for frying. Can you believe that?"

"All that corn I give them." JJ shook his head. "Will Jr and Elijah be there?"

"I'll call Aunt Rosie and tell her to meet us there, cool?"

"Hell, yeah!"

"Emmett!" I yelled as Bella called JJ's name in reprimand.

"This is crazy." Leah shook her head, digging a hand into her over-sized purse, searching for a few moments before producing a tissue. "I just wanted to check on JJ. I went to the garage and Sam was there, told me of Jacob's passing and all about you." She waved a hand at Bella.

"Mrs. Layhote, take a seat." Jasper offered, pulling out a chair and assisting her gently. "How 'bout some coffee?" He raised a brow at me.

I gave him a dark look, not wanting to give this woman a damn thing, but did his bidding. I sat tentatively as the coffee brewed, pulling Bella's chair as close to mine as it could get.

"He told me everything. How you just showed up like an angel when Jake needed you the most. Helping him raise JJ," giving me a look as she used the name I insisted upon, "and that Jacob wanted you to raise him as your own. I don't blame him; I took off and never wrote so much as a letter, never did pick up a phone and call to check on them."

"Why?" Bella croaked. "They weren't mine to have, yet I loved them with all my being."

Her words hurt, but I pushed them aside, this wasn't about me.

"It's a long story."

"We got time." Jasper smiled as if he were her bosom buddy, reaching over to the percolated coffee and pouring some into the empty cup before her.

I grumbled a bit, getting up and grabbing a box of doughnuts from the bread box and throwing them into the middle of the table, causing both girls to startle and Jasper to give me a warning look.

"Jacob and I were high school sweethearts, pregnant before we even graduated." I gave a look at Bella, not liking the similarities and hoping it ended after that beginning. "Over half the year I had grown distant, not feeling the same as he did for me. That's when I met Paul. It was an instant attraction, which grew to so much more than I had ever felt with Jake. When I got the nerve to tell him, I found out I was pregnant. I may have cheated emotionally, but I never did physically. The baby was without a doubt Jacob's. He was so happy that he never realized how I was feeling. I didn't want my own baby because I selfishly wanted to be happy with someone else...not tied down with a child to a man I no longer loved. By the time I gave birth, I thought I might die. I hadn't spoken to Paul until the last weeks of my pregnancy, and it gave me hope; a will I hadn't felt in so long. I know as a mother I shouldn't have chosen a man over my own child, but he didn't feel like mine. I held him, I fed him from my breast. I rocked and sung to him, but all I could think of was Paul and how much I didn't feel a connection with the little being I had birthed. Don't you see? It was because he wasn't mine, not spiritually. He has always belonged to you, Bella. He and Jake just had to be patient and wait for you to arrive."

Leah took a doughnut and tore off a huge bite, looking up at the ceiling as she half sobbed and chewed. "I found out I was pregnant and I knew I had to see JJ, to make sure he was happy and that I did the right thing. If I had stayed, all three of us would have been miserable, I would have brought us all down with me."

"You're pregnant?" Bella gasped.

"Almost into my second trimester. I found some papers you left behind in a box Sam gave me that was left from the house sale. Your mama's name was on it, so I looked her up. Not exactly what I expected… she said she would find you if I gave her some money. Paul ran her off with a bat. He has been so supportive."

She sighed, polishing off the rest of the doughnut.

"Anyway, when it was time for us to leave the hospital, Jacob went home to get the car seat we had forgotten to bring. I called Paul and told him to come get me. Jacob was getting out of one elevator as I entered another. Paul was in a car waiting for me, and as we drove off, I turned around and watched Jacob run out of the hospital looking for me. I thought my heart was breaking; I wanted to take back my actions and go back, pretend to love him. But one look at Paul and I knew where my future was. Jacob would take care of our son better than I could; they were better off without me."

She paused, looking up at Bella, cheeks red with embarrassment. "Anyway, I found your mother, and she promised she would find you and schedule a meeting. She came back a few weeks later and said you'd only do it for six grand. Paul did some digging and found this address, so here I am."

"Fuckin' Renee." I slammed my fist on top the table, causing everyone to jump. "Sorry," I muttered.

"Let me talk to JJ. I'm sure he would love to meet you. But on the off chance he doesn't, I think we should respect his wishes. He has had so many changes in his short life. I doubt you know much of Jacob's illness, but JJ watched him deteriorate from a loving and doting father to one who couldn't even recognize his own son. It was traumatizing, and it took me a long time for him to grow comfortable enough so we could move. We came here, and shortly after, Edward, and I reconnected and married. We moved once more from the cabin down the road to this house. You can understand that for as young as JJ is-"

"Please, I don't want to take your place. I can see how much you love JJ. I've heard nothing else from everyone I have encountered. You are his mother, not me."

"Do I need to get a court order?" Jasper asked, ever skeptical.

"No. I just want to meet him…when he is ready."

"As for Renee?" Bella asked all of us.

"Don't give that bitch a cent," Jasper growled, slipping from form.

Jasper exchanged numbers with Leah before he walked her out the door. I kept a strong arm around Bella and waited for her to speak.

"She didn't want him." She whispered.

"Not for herself." I nodded thoughtfully.

"I can't understand. No matter what she felt for Jake, JJ was her baby…"

"It's not for us to understand, Bella. You're his mama; you want him and love him."

"He's my baby."

"He is." I pulled her close, kissing her forehead. "You wanna join that baby at the diner?"

"He needs a daddy, you know."

"He has had one of those…and when he's ready..." I gave her a look of certainty.

I wanted her to know I understood. Bella was his mother, the only one he has ever known. Jacob was his father. I was the man who would eventually be considered his daddy as long as Bella allowed it.

"Hey Bells?" I asked quietly, starting the truck.

"Do you want me to be his daddy?"

She stared at me for a long pause before answering.

"Do you want us to be a family?"

"Course I do." I snickered, putting the gear into reverse.

"Do you want me to be your wife, Edward?"

I glared slightly out the windshield as I drove down the main road. I still didn't understand how she could doubt that. The real question was if she wanted to be my wife.

"When you stop asking those types of questions, you'll figure it out," I growled, refusing to say another word.

My thoughts wandered. We had lost our baby and our way on a path we had always walked together. She ran, only to find a son; coming back home and sharing him with me. What we lost could not be replaced, but we had a chance we thought was gone when we were too young to handle it properly.

We reached the diner and the coldness between us was noticeable; Rose and Em giving us curious and worrisome looks as we joined them for breakfast. I stole a glance at Bella and noticed she was close to tears. I felt like shit, wondering when the hell she had become so emotional. Growing up, she kicked Jasper and my ass around the yard; the only time she got sappy was when she was pregnant…

I shot up from the table and stared at her hard, tongue too swollen to be of any use.

"Hello, hello!" Alice chirped, her senses catching on to my demeanor. "Oh, dear." She frowned before rising with Jasper trailing behind her.

I couldn't help but stare at Bella's stomach, the numbers spinning around in my head. It all added up, and it made me feel as if I might either puke or shit myself.

I wanted to kiss and scream at her.

Giving her my full attention, I realized she was still looking at me with confusion. She truly had no idea. She wasn't keeping secrets, she truly didn't know.

All these years I still knew her better than she knew herself, this time we were married.

"But just barely..." I muttered to Jasper who could read my mind better than anyone else I knew.

"Shit." He watched me, waiting for the breakdown or freak out. "Alice, remember the last time I said I was going to kick Edward's ass?"

"Oh yes." She giggled. "When he and Bella slept together, said Edward acted like a dog in heat, pissing on his territory." She giggled again, covering her mouth with a hand. Realization hit her, and her eyes grew round, the hand slowly falling to the top of her very round stomach.

I realized we were being stared at and no one could overhear our conversation, we must have looked insane.

"What's wrong?" Bella asked, giving us a quizzical look. "Are you going to sit down or not?" She grumped, opening the menu and plopping it in front of her face, shielding her from my eyes.

"What can I get you?" The waitress asked.

"She'll have the corned beef hash with a fried egg over top, hash browns with cheese, onions and peppers, and sourdough toast.

"I can order for myself." She kicked at my leg.

I motioned for her to do so, making her only glare and turn away from me once more.

"What crawled up your butt? You weren't hatin' on me a bit ago, I thought you wanted to be my wife?"

"I never said that!"

"Sure you did." I argued, feeling satisfied over getting a rise out of her… old habits are hard to break.

"I asked if you wanted me as your wife, not that I wanted to be!"

Everyone glanced at the end of the table where the kids were sitting, all happily oblivious to her outburst as they played with some toy cars, Jr was making roads with ketchup, but his parents were too distracted to notice.

"Same thing."

"No, it isn't! I wouldn't be your wife even if you asked." She pouted, crossing her arms.

"You already are, darlin', cause I did indeed ask you to be my wife."

Our food was set down and I whispered into the waitress's ear as she gave me my plate, earning me another dark look.

I was able to forgive, enjoy it, knowing there was a reason she was leaping from loving to crazy.

Once half her food was gone I could see the difference in her face, she was forgetting why she was even angry, if she truly was in the first place.

"Sorry," she murmured, eyes soft and a guilty smile playing on her lips.

"My girl was hungry."

I knew she was still hurt by my not answering her earlier question, and even though it bothered me that she seemed to have no idea how I truly felt, I needed to be the bigger person. She ran before because I was inadequate in understanding her and instead of trying, I gave up. I may not have left physically, but I had abandoned her emotionally. It was long time for us to start fresh, to accept both our wrongs and move forward on a strong, smoothly paved path with only a few loose stones instead of the pot holes we were used to.

"Here's the check and your shake, Miss."

The Waitress handed me a small black folder with the bill inside which Jasper promptly slid out of my hands. He didn't experience the normal struggle, instead, he and Em argued a bit, pulling on the folder as I stared at Bella, wondering if she would understand.

She stared at the strawberry shake, smiling before taking a long, hard sip with closed eyes.

"It's too early for this." She laughed when she finally looked at me.

"I want some!" JJ complained.

"Too early for ice cream, JJ." I smirked at him, raising a brow when he opened his mouth to argue- which he promptly shut.

"I haven't had one of these in years. Not since-"

"Bella?" I asked quietly.

Rose grew nervous when Bella appeared unresponsive, getting up from her chair and going to her side.

"Bella, what's wrong?" I asked, leaning on my knees so we were at eye level.

"I'm pregnant?" She asked me, ignoring her friend completely.

"If I'm not mistaken." Unable to control the large smile that filled my face.

"Hot, damn! Last time we were locked inside the gas station bathroom, I held that dang stick for you to pee on so you could squat and not sit on that nasty toilet seat! Em, baby, you're not the father!" Rosalie busted out with laughter, hugging all over Bella who was still white and quite in shock. She raised her hands and held onto Rosalie's arm which was still wrapped around her.

"Edward?"

"When you asked if I wanted you to be my wife? I didn't answer you 'cause I thought it was obvious. I want you to be my wife, Isabella. You, me, JJ… we're gunna be a family along with whoever else joins us."

I leaned over the table and kissed her lips, hard and demanding.

"It ain't us this time!" Emmett hooted, slapping my back hard and high fiving Rose.

* * *

I feel like I might need to add that I am the craziest pregnant lady you could have met and my husband is a picker, he gets a good chuckle over riling me up.

Bella is up next!


	17. God Made Girls

_How many times can I thank Fran, and you readers, for being patient with me? I apologize for taking so long, I truly do. Once more, this chapter would be nothing without Fran's magic. Thank you all, very much._

* * *

 _Papa C picked us up from the dance. Edward and I were in the back seat, Jasper riding beside him in the front. I peeked a glance at Edward and pressed my lips together to hide my satisfied smile. Edward had a sly look on his face as he reached over and grabbed hold of my hand and I knew it was because he thought he was being slick doing so in the presence of his unaware father and brother._

 _We hadn't gone to the dance together; we_ arrived _together, but went our separate ways once we entered the school. I watched Edward and Emmett stand beside the speakers in a dark corner. I couldn't understand how they could stand it, my ears were ringing, and I was across the room from the booming boxes. They looked at everyone around them, an air of coolness that no one else possessed. Rosalie went right up to them and pointed at Emmett, giving him a wink before turning around to walk into the middle of the dance floor. And to my disbelief, he followed her. Even Edward wore an expression of shock that Emmett was dancing, and willingly. I noticed his eyes dart in my direction, so I quickly averted my eyes and began twirling the edge of my new skirt. Papa C had brought us to the mall the previous weekend, and Edward had found a shirt in the first store, but I looked in several while Edward grumbled before I saw just what I wanted._

" _Hi, Bella." Mike Newton came up beside me, hands in his pockets and eyes on the toes of his sneakers. "I was wondering if-"_

" _How ya doin' Mike?" Edward appeared out of nowhere, arm slung over Mike's hunched shoulders._

" _G-good."_

 _That's just great. Bella, let's dance, yeah?"_

" _You told me not to bother asking you to dance because you weren't going to." I challenged him, arching a brow._

" _You changed my mind, twirlin' around in that pretty little skirt." He winked._

 _I rolled my eyes but grabbed his hand and pulled him to the dance floor beside Rosalie and Emmett. Edward gave a gloomy Mike a self-satisfied smile and began dancing awkwardly. I was trying not to giggle at him, and then a slow song came on, as Rose and Em left for the punch bowl. I smiled shyly at Edward and started to lift my arms to wrap around his neck._

" _Hey, Edward." Katie was standing beside us, and my arms dropped back to my sides. She twirled a piece of her hair and batted her clumpy eyelashes at Edward. No one ever noticed her last year, but over the summer, she had developed a curvy figure. It was all the guys talked about in the cafeteria, taking bets on who would get the first date with her._

" _Hey, Katie." Edward smiled crookedly at her, and I watched as he threw a mischievous look behind me._

 _Turning, I saw Emmett and Jasper huddled together, watching with their jaws dropped._

 _I looked at Katie again, the green, red, and blue strobe lights above us showing off just how much makeup she had caked on her face to try to hide breakouts on her forehead and nose. Obviously a few pimples didn't matter if you had enough cleavage._

" _Wanna dance?" He asked her._

 _I stood in disbelief, oblivious to Edward who was now dancing with Katie, his eyes never glancing in my direction._

 _My cheeks burned with embarrassment, looking around me in jerky movements to see who was watching, before running out of the school cafeteria where they were holding the dance._

" _Bella, where ya' going?" Jasper called after me, punch in hand._

" _I'm going to wait for Papa C outside."_

" _But we still got half an hour!"_

 _I opened the doors and stepped out to the courtyard, the air had cooled significantly, and I wished I hadn't forgotten my sweater in the back of the truck. I had no idea how long I had been outside, sniffling and doing my best not to cry when I heard the doors open._

" _Bella?"_

" _Go away, Edward."_

" _What did I do?" I knew him well enough by now, his tone suggested he knew exactly what he had done._

 _I have never hidden how I felt about him no matter how he tried to act otherwise. I've even caught his glances when he thought I wasn't paying attention. He may not know it, but I did._

" _Bella… please look at me."_

" _I don't think I can right now, Edward. You made me look like I fool! I know I'm not as pretty as Katie and my boobs aren't as big-"_

" _Bella, no!"_

" _No?" I squeaked, turning to look at him, shocked he agreed with my assessments._

" _You aren't pretty like her, you're even prettier."_

 _I hadn't heard him walking so close to me, our chests were almost touching. If I leaned in just an inch, our noses would touch._

" _Edward…"_

" _Bella, you are the prettiest girl I've ever seen."_

" _Pants on fire." I whispered._

 _My heart was pounding and skipping a beat all at the same time, my breath coming in quick, fast pants._

" _Am not." One corner of his mouth raised and I was mesmerized by it, unable to look away._

 _He took the step I was craving and demanding myself not to take. His lips were on mine, and before I knew it, I had my first kiss with Edward Cullen. The boy who slept across the hall and I dreamed of every night for as long as I could remember. Everything good I had in life began with Edward._

 _His hands were in my hair, gripping and tugging, digging into my scalp in the most delicious way. I didn't even care I had spent over an hour on it just for him to mess it. The skirt I wore hoping to catch his attention was caught on his jeans and the hand he had skimming against the back of my thigh left a burning trail. He pulled his lips away and looked into my eyes with a mixture of awe and shock._

" _Bella … I'm sorry." He looked skittish, like a kitten ready to bolt._

" _I'm not." I grinned wide and bright._

 _A flash of headlights entered our private bubble, and we quickly drew apart just as Papa C_ _pulled_ _up to the curb._

" _Jasper called and said you were ready to leave early?" He called after opening the passenger window._

" _I'll go get Jasper." Edward spat out and ran back into the school without giving me another glance._

" _Everything okay Bella Boo?" Papa asked, using the nickname he had come up with when I first came to live with him._

" _I love that boy, Papa." I sighed._

" _I know you do, girl." Papa c chuckled. "How 'bout a kiss for the old man."_

 _I giggled, running over to the truck and around to the driver side door. Stepping onto the bed rail, I gave his cheek a peck and climbed into the backseat, waiting for the boys to come._

 _Jasper came out with his arm slung over Katie's shoulders, who was walking and wiggling her hips so much to the sides I thought she would fall over, while Edward gave him an exasperated look._

" _Who is that young lady?" Papa asked when the doors opened, and Edward got into the back beside me._

" _Katie Lewis."_

 _Jasper Cullen!"_

 _The screech gained everyone's attention, and we all looked as Alice Brandon came storming after Jasper and Katie who were now beside the truck._

" _Alice-"_

" _You had the nerve to kiss me two nights ago, and now I catch you with this circus amoeba on a flea?"_

" _Grease." Edward sighed, making me giggle since I was the one who insisted he watch it with me religiously. "Alice is ever the one for dramatics'."_

" _You kissed Alice and came outta' that school with another girl?" Papa demanded when Jasper escaped into the truck and what he thought would be a safe haven._

 _That was when Edward grabbed my hand and held it all the way home. Papa was busy lecturing a sulking Jasper, and Edward was smirking over his indiscretion._

 _I was in my room, counting the strokes of the hairbrush when there was a bang against my wall hard enough to make a frame of dried violets that Edward's grandmother had made fall to the floor. My first instinct was to make sure the frame hadn't broken, then I opened the door to find Edward and Jasper wrestling in the hall._

" _I'm gunna tell Daddy what I saw you and Bella doin' out in the courtyard if you don't shut your damn mouth 'bout me and Alice!"_

" _You and Alice? There ain't no combination of names like that now that she saw you with Katie, you dirty dog!"_

" _You're one to talk! I saw what you did to Bella. You just didn't want Mike upping your game."_

" _Bella's my girl, Mike didn't stand a chance!"_

" _I'm your girl?" I asked, stepping into the hall."_

" _You're my girl." Edward scowled, elbowing Jasper in the gut._

" _Boys!" Papa came running up the stairs. "Bella." He cleared his throat, avoiding my presence. "You should put on a robe._

 _Ever since I confided to him about my period starting, he had been acting funny around me._

 _Men._

* * *

" _Out of heaven,_

 _Mighty angels_

 _At his side – "_

"Alice, stop your commotion." Rose spat out of the corner of her mouth to a panting Alice.

"I think this is it." Alice gasped.

"Baby, that is what you said the last four times," Jasper whispered loud enough to earn a shh from the row behind us.

"I don't know … this is different." Alice complained noisily.

"My baby won't take from the Lord's day, I'm sure," Jasper responded, and I knew he was just trying to calm any hysterics Alice might be having for the fourth day in a row.

They had spent the past week in the hospital over false labor, and Jasper was at his wit's end. It created anxiety in Edward with every call, causing him to hover over me as if I were the one in labor.

" _Christ is risen from the dead…"_

"Jaaasssppperrrr!" Alice screamed, standing at the end of the chorus. "My water broke!" As stated, the front of her dress was soaked.

"Happy Easter." Edward snickered, kissing my temple as my heart picked up the pace, fearing for Alice more than I was willing to admit.

Rose offered to take JJ with her and Emmett before we left the church, it was just Edward and me in the waiting room, trying not to hyperventilate while we waited on Alice's parents.

"Bella…"

"Shh. Don't talk." I gasped, pressing a hand to my stomach.

I couldn't feel the baby move yet, but knowing it was there, I needed some sort of assurance it still thrived, and our appointment wasn't till tomorrow.

"Jasper's baby being born on Easter… He's gonna hold it over us for the rest of our lives." Edward shook his head in mock antipathy, but I saw through it and could see the worry written all over him for his new niece or nephew.

"Edward?" A nurse came into the waiting room, searching the occupants.

"I'm Edward."

"Edward Cullen?"

"Yes, Sir."

"Your brother is asking for you."

With a backward glance for me, Edward followed the nurse through a pair of swinging doors in long strides and out of sight. I let out a strangled cry, being left alone in the cold, crowded waiting room.

"Breath, Bella." A voice soothed after a while.

I had no idea how much time had passed before I heard his voice finally registering as he cocooned his body around mine.

"I've got you."

"The baby?"

"A little girl."

"Alice?"

"Happy as a horseshoe crab. They 're both well and healthy and waiting to meet Aunt Bella."

"I don't know if I can." I whispered.

My throat hurt, my body was shaking as if I were sitting in a snow bank.

"You can." Edward smiled, helping me to my feet and wrapping an arm around me, leading us to the hall that held the door to Alice's room.

Alice sat up in a hospital bed, obviously feeling somewhat refreshed in a clean nightgown, eating flavored ice.

"Bella." She sighed, smiling happily as we entered the room.

"Oh, Alice." I ran to her, wrapping my arms around her and squeezing tight. "I'm so glad you're alright."

"Your goddaughter is waiting to meet you." She laughed lightly, pulling away and placing her palms on both my cheeks.

"What?"

"Jasper and I want you and Edward to be Steph's godparents."

"Steph?"

I couldn't help but find the resemblance between the names. Steph and Seth.

"Stephanie Marie, but Steph for short." Jasper said in a choked voice.

"Seth and Steph." Edward smiled brightly. "Daddy would have loved that."

"Yes, he truly would have," I whispered, walking to Jasper who held a small bundle.

Wordlessly, he smiled and passed me the blanket-wrapped baby. Pink lips and blue eyes greeted me. A wandering hand reaching out to scratch at her own face.

"Hello, Steph." I cooed, kissing the forehead of the newest family member.

Before I knew it, it was Edwards turn, and my heart hurt watching him coo at his niece.

"I want to see Papa," I whispered when we said our goodbyes and walked out of the room.

"What?" Edward asked, stunned.

"I need it. I need to say goodbye to Papa C … and to Seth."

* * *

I tried to prepare myself, but no matter how prepared I thought I was, there was no way to ready myself for the reality of what was before me. My father, for all sense of purpose, and my baby, who I briefly held.

"Bella … you can't change what happened yesterday, nor can you predict the future. I learned the hard way you can only live for today, for the seconds that speed by."

My throat was so tight it physically hurt, and my breath was coming in hard pants as if I couldn't get enough air.

"Papa…" I cried out softly, falling to my knees.

I dug my hands into the soft earth, moss lodging underneath my fingernails. My head hung low, every bit of grief I had tried to extinguish over the past five years rising to the surface.

"I've got you. This time I'm here … truly here." Edward dropped down beside me, holding my body as it rocked with hard sobs.

"I should have been here."

"What was meant to be was meant to be. We can only do what we can for the now. He loved you, Bella. You were his daughter, no matter what happened, he loved you."

He drove us home with me cuddled into his side. Once there, I allowed him to open my door and help me down, but I was the one to lead him into the house. He trailed behind me, our hands twined with my back facing him. I turned to him once we entered my bedroom and I lifted the hem of his shirt up and over his head. I allowed my eyes to wander, to take in the wonder of my husband. I couldn't help but notice the boy I left was now a very, well-defined man. More muscle mass than before, the splattering of chest hair leading a tantalizing path that led to the waist of his jeans making my breathing hitch.

"Bella … we don't have to do anything you aren't ready for."

"I'm your wife." I surprised myself with the husky sound of my own voice.

"You are." He nodded, squinting slightly, eyes dark with desire.

A look I knew all too well.

"I'm your wife," I repeated with more force, stepping to my tiptoes and pressing my lips to his demandingly.

He let out a loud sigh and gave into my need. He returned as much as I gave, making love to me till the early morning dawn was just beginning to peek through the darkness.

"I love you, Bella." He sighed into slumber.

"I love you. Always have." I answered to his even breathing as he peacefully slept.


	18. Livin' on love

"Horses are clean!" I called into the house, the screen door slapping shut behind me.

"Take off your shoes and quit slamming the dang door!" She yelled back.

I chuckled over her yelling the same words she yelled at me daily, sometimes twice and not including all the times JJ needed reminding. Rose and Emmett had been having JJ over every other week or so for a sleepover with their boys. Rose claimed the twins whined so much it was easier just to take in another than listening to them complain. I think they were just trying to give Bella and I time to ourselves. I accepted their kindness and didn't tell them that we didn't need JJ out of the house, we enjoyed spending time as a family. I was afraid Rose would get hurt feelings and I had to admit it was kind of nice not having to wait till after bath time and the fight over two or three stories to have what we called Mommy and Daddy time.

Going upstairs, I found Bella in the bathroom scrubbing the floors. Her belly was visible, the white tank top she was wearing had inched up over her belly button.

"Get up off your hands and knees, woman!" I complained, prying the scrub brush from her hands and lifting her to her feet, kicking the soap bucket out of reach when she tried to bend for it. "What did I tell you about doing access labor?"

"I was cleaning the floor Edward, not mucking out the stalls, which-"

"Which Jimmy and I are managing just fine without your help. Your only job is to eat, get fat, and be lazy while my baby is growing." I interrupted.

" _Our_ baby." She scowled, "And I am getting plenty fat enough." Yanking at the edge of her shirt, trying to cover her stomach.

I chuckled and pulled her by her elbows into me.

"Don't hide from me." I growled playfully, nipping at her ear. I could feel the goosebumps creep up on her arms as she bent her neck to give me access.

Half an hour later we redressed and made our way downstairs.

"You want a sandwich?" She asked, opening the fridge and taking out a bottle of water.

"How about I just take you and JJ to the diner? Easier than cooking and cleaning up afterward."

"I'm not that hungry." She mumbled around a mouth full of caramel popcorn Rose made special for her.

I grinned at her, pulling her in to kiss her forehead.

"Let's go get our boy."

On the way there she hummed along to Miranda Lambert, swearing she had a new-found distaste for Blake Shelton when I tried to play him only for her to change to song.

"What in the world?" Bella muttered, furrowing her brows after I shut off the truck and we walked to the front door. Techy tunes were pouring out the open windows.

… _Hot stuff baby this evening_

 _I need some hot stuff baby tonight_

 _I want some hot stuff baby this evening…_

I opened the door and it was like a scene from a movie. The door swinging open slowly to the reveal the sight awaiting us. Emmett stepping into a lunge and flexing, three boys- one of them ours- following his dance move.

"Yeah!" Rose encouraged from the lazy boy, a leg thrown over one arm rest, a glass of wine in hand and straw between her lips. "Hey guys! There's a new box in the fridge." She offered, fist pumping the air above her head with her free hand.

"Um, preggo." Bella stated while I pointed to her rounded stomach with a confused expression.

"Oh, yeah!" Rose giggled obnoxiously.

"You okay?" Bella asked her.

"Emmy is going for his vasectomy tomorrow; didn't I tell you?"

"No, no you didn't." Bella was smirking, and I could tell she was doing her best not to giggle.

"Yep. No more babies for this family!"

The twins cheered, Eric who was already walking to keep up with his brothers, clapped his hands, falling onto his diaper padded bottom.

"We'll be at the hospital tomorrow too."

"Hopefully finding out if we are having a boy or girl."

"If we want to find out." Bella added, still unsure of her decision.

"If we want to." I amended with a grin I couldn't hide.

"My man." Emmett grinned widely, eyes crinkling, and hugging me- slapping my back so hard I lost my breath for a moment.

"Ya'll need a little girl for me to borrow." Rose's straw slurped the last few drops of wine in her glass.

Emmett and I put some chicken thighs into the smoker while the boys ran around the yard with the pups, and the girls napped on the couch till. I felt something beyond content, sitting back in a chair and watching my family. Everyone was happy, _I_ was happy. I just hoped the hunch of dark clouds ahead didn't become a reality anytime soon.

* * *

We returned home close to dusk and I told a sleepy JJ to head inside for his bath while I helped Jimmy finish the evening chores. He complained while rubbing at his eyes, the tips of his ears red- a sure sign he was ready for bed.

"Did JJ's mother ever contact you again?" Jimmy asked while rubbing down the last two horses.

"Bella's his mother." I scowled, throwing my gear into a bucket and leading the mare back into her stall.

"Don't go snappin' my head off, you know what I meant." Jimmy retorted, giving the horses a peppermint before shoving his own tools into a room that we used as the barns storage closet.

"No," I slapped his back in a way of asking for forgiveness, "why do you ask?"

"Renee is still kickin' around town. Saw her at the Shack Shed."

Jimmy's uncle owned a place called the Shake Shed where you could buy a good amount of animal feed on discount. Jimmy was always in there buying for some stranded animal he seemed to find so often.

"She's been talkin' to some guy wearin' leg braces."

"Harry?" Wondering if he had retired his cane.

"Nope, never seen this guy till a week ago. Heck, I thought she was gone till I saw them buying lunch behind the shed on Wednesday."

"Your uncle still running the BBQ?"

When we were teenagers you could buy lunches there every Monday, Wednesday, and Fridays.

"Every other week."

"You say anything to her?"

"Why would I? She wouldn't have approached me, she couldn't care less about her daughter let alone some boy of a man she used to fuck." He spat at the ground.

"You catch sight of her around the ranch, you be sure to let me know."

"You didn't have to ask, Edward." Jimmy' turn to scowl at me.

I could see the hurt in his eyes before he turned away and got into his truck to head home.

"Sorry, I know you would look after Bella without me asking." I slapped the side of the truck where his window was rolled down, meeting his eyes so he knew I was truly apologetic.

"We been together since we were just kids. I got your back." He pulled down the brim of his hat and gave me a slight nod, backing out of the drive.

I felt like shit, thinking of all the times Jimmy had been there in my past. He was just as part of my history as Emmett and Bella where. I remember when he would let me know when Mike Newton got just a little too touchy feely with Bella in gym class and would stand watch while I gave Newton a beating. He was there with a shoulder when my Momma died, when Bella and I lost the baby, and when Bella left. I was ashamed over how he must feel having me question his intentions.

The sight of Renee and the unnamed man bothered Jimmy enough to mention it to me, so I wasn't going to let it go lightly. I sent a brief text to Emmett, giving him a run down so he could be on the lookout while patrolling during his shift. I wasn't comfortable knowing these two slipped by without any of our notice, this town wasn't big enough for it to go on quietly being anywhere near normal. I locked up the barn and made sure the motion lights were on, whistling for JJ's pup to follow me as I walked back toward the house. The sound of leaves rustling and locust, dust kicked up by my boots in the humid air tickling my nose. I felt myself become peaceful with the normalcy of such simple things. The hum of the refrigerate was the only sound that greeted me when I entered the house, careful not to let the screen door slap as to not aggravate Bella. Grabbing an old pale pink bowl that had a few chips on it, I pulled the almost empty tub of butter pecan ice cream and emptied the contents into the same bowl Bella used when she first came to live with us.

" _This here is your official ice cream bowl." Papa said with flourish, setting down a brand new oval shaped bowl._

" _Ice cream bowl?" Bella questioned, looking up at with a quizzical expression._

" _That's right. Edwards Mama gave me my bowl as a wedding gift. It was something her family did, and the boys got one for their first birthdays. Every Friday we sit down either here in the kitchen to play games or in the living room to watch a new movie with big bowls of ice cream. Each week someone gets a turn to pick the flavor. This week is yours."_

" _You eat ice cream every Friday?" she asked in awe._

" _Sometimes more." He mock whispered, looking around and bringing a finger to his lips as if it were a big secret, causing Jasper and I to belly laugh._

" _I don't know as if I have a favorite. Vanilla I guess?"_

" _That just won't do."_

" _Vanilla is boring!" Jasper complained while daddy shushed him._

 _Papa brought us to Molly's ice cream place and had Bella try a small taste of every flavor offered. On number thirteen she hummed with delight, declaring butter pecan was for sure her favorite, causing Jasper, who hated any kind of nut, to sulk in defeat._

Walking up the back staircase with two bowls of ice cream, I hit the hall light with my elbow as I went by. JJ's door was open, giving the hall a dull glow from his lamp we left on each night. I stuck my head in to check on him and smiled over his sleeping face. His eyes were closed peacefully, his mouth hung open ever so slightly. The sound of his light snoring brought joy to my heart. I loved this kid, neither blood of mine nor Bella's, but the heart of us both.

Pushing our half-closed door fully open with my foot, I whistled a quiet tune, placing the tray over Bella's lap. She shoved a piece of torn paper into her book before putting it aside and dug into her bowl without a thankful look given in my direction. I laughed as her tongue darted out over her lips and crawled into bed beside her, grabbing my own bowl.

"How are my girls?" I hummed giving her cheek a quick peck.

She scoffed playfully at me, thoroughly licking her spoon.

"You have decided it was a girl from the very beginning."

"She let here daddy in on the secret." I winked, taking the empty bowl from her hands and placing it on the night stand.

"I love you." She sighed against my lips.

* * *

"I can't believe it." Bella repeated, looking stunned as we exited the doctor's office.

"Edward!" Emmett was limping down the hall, one arm raised above his head, waving wildly while the other clutched an ice pack between his legs.

"Is that…" Bella muttered.

"Yep." I wanted to laugh at over the fact I should have expected nothing less.

Bella blinked rapidly, obviously unprepared to be engulfed in Emmett's arms.

"What are we having?" He asked with nothing less than pure excitement, like a child who finally grasped Christmas morning.

"We thought we should wait for-"

"No, sir!" Rose interrupted me, appearing around the corner and slightly out of breath. "Our baby makin' days are over, we get to live vicariously through you." Giving Emmett's ice pack a gentle pat.

"Edward, Bella!" The only voice with that high of a screech belonged to Alice.

"Bellward!"

And only my brother would so ridiculous as to slur our names together.

"Seriously?" I glared at Emmett, knowing he had made a phone call after our visit the night before.

"He's your brother, you should have called him anyhow." Emmett shrugged.

"Bastard." Alice swung her hand bag at my arm, my niece cradled in her arms, looking bewildered.

I snuck my arm under Alice's and transferred the baby from her arms into my own, bouncing Stephie a bit.

"Where's Jimmy?" I asked, still feeling guilty after last night.

"I'm here." He stepped forward, giving me a tap of his hat, chin dipping in both acknowledgment and forgiveness. "Don't keep us waiting, we want to know if we are having a niece or nephew." He declared with a toothy smile.

My heart felt ready to burst. I had my brother, and two brothers of choice waiting on my announcement. A woman I loved with all my being and another I thought of nothing less than a sister waiting for the news of my own child. They loved this child before it was even here, before anyone knew the gender, with unconditional love and support.

I was blessed.

Beyond blessed.

"It's a girl. We are having a girl." I couldn't hold back the grin, Bella weaving her fingers with mine and giving them a squeeze. "We are going to have a daughter." I choked out.


	19. What's Your Name

My due date was fast approaching, and Edward has been working in the shed on a special project, which he refused to give me even a small hint of. I did hear the wood saw going and the power sander, so I knew he had kept up with his woodworking skill while I had been away. JJ was constantly running from the shed to the house and back, retrieving glasses of water or daddy soda's -code for beer- for Edward and asking me to make them sandwiches. Edward was still Mister, but even without the father title, the feelings where there and mutual. I saw how Edward looked at JJ, it was the same way his daddy had looked at him and Jasper and later, me. The Cullen men were good at loving without needing the bond of blood.

I grabbed the mail out of the box and saw an envelope without a return address. Inside I found a short letter.

 _Bella,_

 _I wanted to write and let you know I had the baby, or rather babies. Luke and Sebby are beautiful, healthy baby boys. Holding them, I wonder how I couldn't feel the same for JJ as I do them. God has his reasoning- if I had, JJ would never had had the chance for you as a mother, and that is the greatest gift I could have given him. Please, tell him that I love him and when he is ready I'll still be waiting. I will never replace you, but I want to know him, for him to know his brothers. I won't interrupt your lives again, find me when you are both ready._

 _All my love,_

 _Leah_

Three pictures were included, one of Leah and two babies, one of them and a man who must be Paul, and one of just the babies. I awed over the fact that they had the same eyes as JJ, both in shape and color.

"Bella." Edward spoke quietly from the doorway, a small smile playing on his lips as he watched me.

"We were hoping you would follow us into the nursery."

JJ peaked around Edwards legs, a front tooth missing from his otherwise toothy smile.

"I would be honored." Letting the excitement over a finished nursery I hadn't been allowed to see take over.

JJ whooped and ran up the stairs while Edward held out a hand and helped me to my feet. Ever vigilant, Edward stayed behind me with a steadying hand on my lower back as we made our way up the stairs.

"I can make it up the stairs without issue, you know." I grumped over my shoulder.

"Course you can. I'm just following you up." He tried to pacify me while I rolled my eyes to the heavens.

"Hold up." He murmured, gently wrapping an arm around my waist, stopping us before my old bedroom. "Right here."

"My Room?"

"Daddy gave you this room when you were added to our family. It only feels right to now pass it onto our child."

"Edward." I gasped for air… feeling overwhelmed, eyes stinging as I blinked back tears.

A mixture of fear over what was to come, hope, and wonder.

A baby, one from my womb that Edward had helped created, one that was thriving and ready to meet us. Neither of us were willing to say his name lately, our son lost to us, after so much progress, we were pretending for the last month or so… as if he weren't clouding our minds with thoughts of fear and what ifs.

JJ opened the door before either of us could speak again, soft colors of rose and cream taking over my senses as I stepped through the doorway in wonder. Rich colors of sage green wound their way around the walls, bursting into blooming roses, dotted with dragonflies and butterflies.

"You painted this?" I asked in wonder, unable to look away from the art.

"Alice helped with the outline and blending of colors." His cheeks tinting.

I continued my survey. Seeing a changing table that had been salvaged from our first preparation years ago, along with a rocking chair that had been used by Edwards mother.

"I see familiar items." I hummed, looking around the room, the diamond stained-glass window giving the room a feel of whimsical wonder, rainbows glittering across the oak floor that wasn't covered with mismatched throw rugs in creamy shades.

"Not everything."

I looked further, following Edwards line of view, gasping in amazement at what I saw. It was an oval shaped crib painted in a shade of cream that matched the rugs, a perfect companion to the dusky colors of the walls and painted flowers. The sheets were obviously custom made in forest green, a tiny patchwork quilt accompanying it.

"This is what you and JJ have been working on?"

"Mama McCarty made the bedding."

"Do you like it, Mama?" JJ asked with wide, hopeful eyes.

"I love it." Looking into Edward's eyes that were shinning with pure hope and love.

"I gave Rose and Em our original crib for Junior. They offered it back, but I thought we deserved a fresh start."

"The perfect mix of old and new." Smiling as I got to my tip toes and gave his lips a lingering peck, mindful of the little set of eyes watching our every move. "Thank you, my darling boys." Bending to give JJ's forehead a kiss.

~H.G~

"Is that…?" Rose asked, turning into the Shack Shed as I slurped at my empty milkshake cup.

"Rose, I gotta pee." I complained.

"Look! What the hell are our husbands doing?" She asked, pointing to the BBQ pit in the back.

Edward was squatted down, peaking around an old barn with Emmett behind him, watching the customers eat and chat.

"What in the world are they doing?" She wondered aloud.

"I don't know but I still have to pee, and now I want a smoked bratwurst." I grumbled, getting out of the van and waddling as fast as I could to the nearest porta-potty.

I was grateful for the elastic band of my maternity jeans as I tugged them up with one hand while the other plugged my nose, so I wouldn't gag, ready to have a fully functioning bladder back. Rose squirted a large amount of antibacterial gel into my open palm as I exited, and we made our way to the boys who hadn't noticed us yet.

We stood behind them, watching as they whispered back and forth, heads bobbing around crazily.

"Edward, what are we looking at?" I whispered into his ear.

I moved back just in time, almost getting my nose hit with his hard head as he whipped around and looked at me in shock.

"Where did you come from?" He asked squeakily, a true sign of guilt.

"The porta-potty." I pointed to the right narrowing my eyes at him.

"Is that Renee?" Rosalie squinted into the crowd, neck craned to look over her husbands' shoulder, who was acting like a linebacker, trying to block her view.

"Renee who?" Emmett responded to quickly to claim innocence.

"Really? That's your response?" Edward stood up straight, turning toward his friend in annoyed astonishment.

"Super sleuth over here." Rosalie winked at her husband, patting his cheek gently.

"Why are you spying on my mom and why is she even here? I thought she left…"

"How long have you known she was still in town and not let Bella know, Emmett McCarty?"

"Emmett wasn't holdin' nothin' back." Edward raised his hands in surrender. "Jimmy mentioned she was hangin' around and we was just checkin' up on the situation, is all."

"Check your hick, Edward. It comes out strong when you are in trouble." I glared at him, causing Emmett to snicker. "And you, why are you helping my husband out instead of coming to me about my own mother? Acting like I'm a child who's unable to handle life situations."

"Well, you did leave before." He mumbled.

"Low blow." Edward slugged his arm while my heart cracked a bit. "Look, we were just trying to feel out the situation before involving you. We didn't want to get you worked up if it ended up being nothing."

"When has it ever been nothing when it involves my mother?" I retorted.

"Bella?" A soft voice called out mere feet from us.

So focused on our own uproar, we had failed to sense the presence of others near us. There was a man standing close by, hands clinging onto the handles of braces wrapped around his forearms to help him walk on legs that bowed inward, yet outward at the same time. I looked up into his face and saw brown eyes inspecting me, taking in the sight of me as if he were drinking a glass of water after walking in the desert. He drew up an arm and unsteadily took off his cowboy hat.

"I'm Charlie, though I suspect you've never heard of me before." His eyes darted across the way.

I followed his brief gaze and saw my mother biting her bottom lip, eyeing us both nervously.

"Should I have?" I asked, taking a step forward, swatting away Edwards hand that failed to hold me at his side.

There was something about this man that drew in my curiosity. He seemed familiar, though I knew I had never seen him before in my life.

"Well, yes. You certainly should know who I am." His eyes again focusing in on Renee, the rich brown turning cold. "I may as well just say it… I've been told you may be my child."

"Wh-" I was unable to make out a word, let alone a response, my brief sound echoing between us.

The air was thick, my throat felt tight, unable to get enough air into me.

"Maybe we should all sit and talk this out?" Emmett stepped forward, chest displayed as proud as a peacock with his hands on his hips. He was Sherriff McCarty now, concern filling his eyes when he looked at me worriedly. "We have never seen you around these parts before, Mister. I don't think this is the right place to have such a discussion."

"Of course, where would be a better place to meet?" Charlie asked without hesitation to argue with Emmett.

"Well, there is the station-"

"We could all go to the diner." Edward interjected. "It's public enough, but we will have a table to have some sort of privacy."

I looked at him, wondering if he suggested such a place because he was afraid I would offer our ranch as a meeting place. I was annoyed he didn't let me respond for myself, but there were bigger issues to concern myself with. I could slacken my independent streak, calm it before I reacted without giving it the proper thought. We were both striving to correct past mistakes, which required both of us to think before reacting. It was something no one else noticed but myself, and I was proud of that fact. It was something I could improve on myself without anyone else knowing. Now, to put it to the test and allow this man to tell his story without my flying off the hinges.

Edward drove me to the diner without saying a word, just the slight squeeze of his hand holding mine, letting me know he was there.

"Are you ready?" He asked after parking the truck, Emmett and Rose pulling into the spot beside us.

"What do you know of him?"

"About as much as you do. Like I said, Jimmy mentioned him hanging around with Renee, wanted me to have a heads up. I didn't want to worry you till I found out more, so spoke with Em and we were kind of scoping him out. Even if we didn't find anything out, we were going to tell you. We just wanted to check it out for ourselves first.

"I understand, truly I do. Next time though, remember I m stronger than I was before. Each day I get a little tougher than I was the previous one."

"Forgive me for underestimating you." His voice was thick and gravely, just the way I liked it, meeting him halfway.

His lips were soft and warm, slightly parted so that our tongues could slip against one another ever so briefly. His teeth grabbed my bottom lip and tugged, creating a whimper deep in my chest.

"You owe me." I whined when we separated.

"You can count on it." He smirked and winked at me.

Charlie was already at the table by the time Edward and I made our way to join him. Rose and Em were there, but at a booth across the way so that we had a chance to hear him out for ourselves, yet giving us their concern and support.

"I was afraid you were going to stand me up." Charlie smiled nervously.

"What are you doing here? Hanging around with Renee, I mean." I asked, clasping my hands together, my thumbs twirling anxiously.

"Renee has been hounding at me for the last few years, saying I owed her thousands of dollars in child support." He responded, staring into my eyes so intently I couldn't look away even as I gasped. "In all these years, only the past three has she been claiming she had my baby. I didn't believe her and kept ignoring her calls till she threatened to get a lawyer and throw me into jail for not paying child support for eighteen years. Now I don't know the law well, but I figure that can't be true given she never told me about any baby, but I didn't want to risk it either. I got to thinkin' maybe she ain't bluffin' if she is willing to get a lawyer. Well, that just pissed me off something fierce. How dare she have my child and not tell me all these years?"

"So, you think you are my father?"

"When Renee first met me, I was on the top of my league, number two in the rodeo around these parts with a [promising look of going pro. She was there the night I fell. I made record time, but when I landed, the damn bull trampled all over me before they could drag me out. My back was a mess, my legs even worse. She showed up at the hospital, hovering over me. I felt so loved and taken care of, ready to propose marriage, thanking god for giving me such a loving woman. I asked my best friend to pick up the ring I had been looking at the previous month, deciding then that it was the right time. She was holding my hand when the doctor said I wouldn't walk again. She left to get a diet coke from the vending machine and never came back. I didn't see or hear from her again till a few years ago. She was demanding money from me, but I wasn't about to give her a dime till I met you and found out for sure if you were mine or not."

The more I looked, the more I saw. The same eyes, our hair the same color. I had his pointed chin and right dimple. His story didn't sound false, it would be awfully hard to make that up. He wasn't asking me for anything other than the truth. Exactly what I wanted from him.

"You have to promise not to have anything else to do with my mother." I demanded.

"Now that we have spoken, I can keep that promise. I am happily married with an almost grown daughter. I don't want to mess up a good thing. My wife was the one who insisted I check out Renee's story."

"We will get a DNA test and go from there."

"Bella, if I can speak blatantly, you are my child." He slid a picture face down across the table toward me. "This is my Daughter, Emily."

I picked up the picture, casting a nervous glance Edwards way, who had been sitting quietly with his hand on my thigh, giving me his support. He nodded slightly and rubbed gently against the denim of my jeans. Looking at the picture, my eyes widened slightly. Our eyes were the same, matching the man sitting across from me, as was the color of our hair, though hers was cut short and shaved on one side. She had a scar marring one side of her face, but the tilt of her lips on the unmarked side matched my own. I tilted it so Edward could see and his brows furrowed, flashing me a look I could read easily.

This man was my father.

* * *

 **This is unedited. My faithful readers will know how long it took me to get this chapter out and I feel badly for my beta, I don't think it right to ask her for her time when I have left not only you, my readers, but her also, hanging. She helps many other writers and at the moment, they are more deserving of her time. That being said, obviously all mistakes are my own. If you are reading this, you have no idea how much you all mean to me! I know I have kept you all waiting for quiet some time, but I am trying to get better about that, and I swear this WILL be finished.**


End file.
